Heavy End


A thought not on a Happy End, but a thought in the middle of life to feel like it’s the end.

I wonder how much anyone can take at one given time.

I wonder if when ignorance is bliss, maybe trauma has a similar effect. I remember while I was going through bullying during already traumatic bereavement, I sensed in my gut that I was targeted, but because I was so clouded in shock, grief and switched into auto-pilot, it was like “bliss”. I was stumbling around a mess I can only now put together like a puzzle.

I used to feel ashamed for having let a multi-million pound company step all over my dignity. But I should be proud for having stood up against them from within, and now from the outside. I didn’t just do extremely well under the horrific circumstances, I can be and am proud that I stand in one piece, in some way having overcome things I never thought I would see the light at the end. I walked over bridges without jumping off. I am in one piece, even if mentally in a mess.

In 4 years I lost my brother, was bullied at Pret A Manger, lost my job, my father and now am going through a new, and maybe final loss. Because after this one, I shut the door. I can’t take anymore.

Shock, grief, anger, anxiety, hopelessness, pessimism, darkness… have been my closes companions these last 4 years. I don’t know anything else anymore. I am on constant alert. I forgot some things I used to love. I am just on alert until the heavy end. And you just have to go on…





I worked at Pret A Manger for almost 10 years and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote an article in the
Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.



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