Sociopathy
Definition from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-sociopath
“People often confuse the terms sociopath and psychopath and use them interchangeably. They aren’t different in the clinical sense. Both terms refer to people who have antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Those with ASPD have no regard for others’ rights or feelings, lack empathy and remorse for wrongdoings, and have the need to exploit and manipulate others for personal gain.”
I am not saying that what happened to me is due to “sociopaths” hurting me, but I have more and more the impression that people who are completely fine with discriminating against others for whatever the person is or has, that this lack of empathy seems so “normal” in society.
People are so used to either get hurt or hurt others without any thought of wrongdoing. I said this before and people wonder at what the heck I am talking about or what I mean, but I am literally SCARED of the quiet, meek, petite, soft-spoken person who after a while comes across like a “vulnerable narcissist”, than the openly angry, loud or outspoken person.
The harm that I have suffered from people who very subtly hurt people and people’s dignity, there is a reason why the Equality Act exists and even mentions dignity. I was so used to be treated like utter shi!te until my brother died and I suffered horrific treatment at Pret and by some “friends” who turned out not to be friends after all.
Society wants people obedient to their cause, silent, don’t bare your scars, we don’t want to see them.
I remember in particular one horrific story of the Austrian woman Natascha Kampusch (English Interview) who was abducted aged 10 on her way to school by a disgusting cowardly pedo, put in a man-made dungeon and held as a slave for 8 years before she found the opportunity and then courage to run away. When she broke free and her captor then killing himself to avoid justice, she gave an interview within two weeks of being free. She smiled in the interview, looked “healthy” etc., and people expected her to cry all the time or look in some kind of distress. She did not fit their box of a victim, nor did they wanted to be confronted that this can and does happen in THEIR community.
Side note: Austria is a fncked up country anyway, for such a small country to also have had another unbelievable case, that of Elizabeth Fritzl who was lured into and imprisoned by her own father in the basement for 24 years. She was raped and bore 7 children and lived underneath the family apartment under her mother who pretended to not know any of it. What’s up with Austria??!! Oh, I forgot, Hitler came from there and unlike Germany, Austria has not dealt with their own Nazi past and seems in general to have a mentality to sweep things under the carpet.
What shocked me as I started to follow the story over a period of time, was that many people in the community wanted her silent. They even started doubting her story, just so she’s quiet. She gave interviews, wrote a book, later also becoming a TV show host where she interviewed famous German speaking people who had a tragic story in how they survived certain traumas. For example she interviewed Niki Lauda the famous Formula 1 race driver who had a horrible accident, burning his face and head and how he overcame etc.
And people in the community were p!ssed off with Ms. Kampusch for being so VISIBLE and outspoken! They wanted her to crawl back into her dark corner, cry her silent tears and shut the fnck up. But she didn’t! They were confronted with this unspeakable crime against a child, against a human being and how on earth the community either didn’t see this or closed their eyes.
Her captor even took her out to the supermarket at times, and no-one seemed to notice or care, despite her case being in the news for years. And Natascha having been so indoctrinated and scared to not say a peep to anyone until one day she broke free!
And then the community wanted her to crawl back under the rock!
No sir! Her way of starting a lifelong healing process was to be PUBLIC, VISIBLE, AUDIBLE after YEARS of isolation and suffering! She even had to justify herself on why she’s so visible. Really sad and disgusting how survivors of any crime are treated by the community. Every time I saw an interview or project with and of her, knowing how her community wanted her silent, I always thought “You go girl! You keep speaking! Keep putting yourself and your trauma into this sociopathic society’s face and ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM and what YOU WANT to do!”
My story of survival is not even worth in any kind of comparison, but my own experience with the lack of empathy, the sheer targeting even at work to get rid of me, because bereaved employees are an inconvenience … and my thought that many businesses, organizations, charities, countries are run and managed by a bunch of sociopaths who only care for their own gain. And don’t you dare have an ailment of any kind that might inconvenience them.
Me calling the Samaritans and other helplines again because society and the “community” that claims to be THERE for the community want silent, obedient, little sheep doing their bidding.
No sir!
I am here, I am loud, and I will not be silent.
Getting kicked out of projects or work only means freedom to SPEAK freely and loudly!
And that already feels liberating and life itself. I think about death every day, how short life is, how I don’t even want to live sometimes and crawling back to hope. I KNOW that life can end in a blink of an eye, for no reason, no fault, no nothing. Just the end!
And the thought that we treat people with such disrespect, especially those vulnerable, and the hopelessness I feel in this society, in this very community, in people supposedly supportive or close (friends) etc.
I wrote to someone today who sent me a cold reply which led me to write this post, that I’d rather be fncked up in my head like I am but have great empathy and compassion for people, than be “healthy” and cold like a sociopath, but I wrote that in the form that I won’t use the “P” word. Strong words, I know, but this person who replied in such a cold fashion once said to me, after I mentioned how horrible the attack on Ukraine is, that person said that they don’t really care as this is far away.
I was shocked and even upset about this attitude! Sure, at least it was honest, and I always appreciate honesty. And I love how people reveal their true attitude. But first of all, it’s NOT far away, it’s on our door step. A major European war none of us non-political people would have ever imagined happening again. And 2. even if it was in Australia or on the flipping moon, to not give a hoot about an innocent democratic country being illegally invaded and thousands upon thousands of innocent people about to be thrust into hell, how COLD must you be to not care! The mail from that person was therefore no surprise. And I am glad when people out themselves as such unempathetic people while pretending to be so soft spoken and “helping” out in the community. This is not the community I want to be part of.
You will not be remembered for what a great artist you are, or what a great cook, or how talented you are with building things in the community. You will be remembered for how much empathy, compassion, true care and love you had. Hypocricy and narcissism is rampant in society.
Give me mental illness anytime, but don’t take my empathy and compassion for truly vulnerable people.
©2023 expret.org
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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Please also see the MEDIA page for more.
Thank you for reading/listening.
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Interview:
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Bullied during bereavement in Pret A Manger 