Life is not worth living

for some it is, for others it isn’t

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UPDATE: 23. June 2020

I struggle with suicidal thoughts and have been for a while since my brother died and the bullying I went through at Pret A Manger.

I have good days, and I have written a lot about my trauma and loss. Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts is like a mental cancer that I will fight.

If you are based in London and struggle with life or know someone who does, please reach out.

3 places I’d like to mention here:

Ambulant help by appointment only which I experienced from them, The Listening Place in Pimlico, London:

2. Maytree, a house in North London for people who are suicidal: Part of BBC documentary from 57:22 on.

3. And an actor, Joe Tranici, who recently was pointed out to me which is very helpful to know I’m not the only “crazy” person:

2020 Joe Tracini suicidal thoughts

https://twitter.com/joetracini/status/1273649508052860928

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UPDATE

17. December 2020

On 24. November 2020 someone did a word-for-word search on this blog post “life isnt worth living” (screenshot yellow) and this blog entry was clicked:

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2020-11-24 Life not worth living search

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People usually do an exact word-for-word search when they know a blog post already exists.

You can call me paranoid or whatever, that’s fine. But I want to communicate again, that if I choose to end my life I will make this very very clear via different channels that people know me from! In my darkest days I had a suicide note ready in my drafts folder with several people in the CC list. All I needed to do was to click “send” when the time came that I quit. I deleted that email now, but if I choose to end my life I would make this unmistakably clear.

I write this for the following reasons. We live in terrible times where people snap, where there is so much hostility, selfishness, anger. My own anger I channeled via my blog and unfortunately I lashed out at people, also at the wrong people who have been nothing but supportive to me! Yes, I am in the process of getting therapy, but this has been a long road as the UK mental health system is broken and of no priority to this current government. Only NOW after 5 years has the NHS mental health team agreed to diagnose me, AFTER I filed a formal complaint for not getting help and being sent around circles.

In the fall of 2017 I had a brief conversation with Lila Warren, the Development Manager who was put on my case by Pret’s HR dept. (her not even being HR personnel) and who gaslighted me. For those who read this for the first time, my full story with Pret is at the audio player at the very bottom of this post. Because I was so broken, writing crazy emails to countless people incl. Pret, Lila said to me, quote: “You are making enemies”. In Dec. 2017 I was fired from Pret, and since May 2018 I tell my story on this website and on social media.

I have publicly exposed former CEO Clive Schlee, current CEO Pano Christou, David Carter HR, Lila Warren, many others and as of recently Julian Metcalfe. Links to them are below.

I am not making allegations towards anyone, and I suffer with general anxiety. Especially after the various forms of bullying DURING bereavement from Pret leaders. One experience that sticks with me is when I was shouted at by a line manager 2 days before the first anniversary of my brother’s death. I broke down, cried uncontrollably, but was sent out to do customer service in a company that boasts of “happy” teams and smiley customer service. I was paralyzed emotionally and on auto pilot. The team who witnessed this were silent, no support, no word, nothing. Pret twisted it around that I was “aggressive”. That’s one of the sickest forms of gaslighting and manipulation. And many other incidences which has me in hindsight understand that Pret tried to get me out of the company in hopes I resign. If I had resigned, I could never ever write publicly like I do now, because Pret would have twisted it again, probably saying something like: “We were happy with her work, but SHE chose to resign…we did “everything” bla bla”. David Carter certainly pulled out a few tricks!

Only after I contacted then CEO Clive Schlee after a year of trying to get help from the HR dept. did Pret start some support like paying for counselling sessions to make it appear that they’re helpful. But the turmoil in the shops continued with the various and subtle forms of bullying.

And as lunatic as I may sound, but after the tricks and traps from Pret, how they bullied me while I was broken in grief; the fact that TWO customers can die without Pret having acted on whatsoever until it became public, and Pret getting away with it; after the ‘eugenicist’ comments recently by Julian Metcalfe, the toxic environment of Pret etc. etc. … Lila Warren said to me that I am making enemies.

If anyone is doing a word-for-word search on a suicidal blog entry and then thinks that “something” can happen to me masqueraded as a suicide or accident, because I speak out publicly and then it can just be linked to a suicidal blog post … And again, I make NO allegations towards anyone. But if people can die without any consequences, staff being bullied during the worst time of their lives … anything can happen. I write publicly not just to expose, but also to protect myself. Silence kills. And how was it again? “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke

Do I call Pret A Manger evil? I leave that to your imagination. Pret certainly is toxic, careless, cowardly and highly overrated. You can quote me on that.

I speak openly about my struggle with mental health, suicidal thoughts and other subjects to take the power out of it! The #1 cause of death in men in their 40s in Britain is suicide. Speaking about struggle takes the sting out and strips it of its power. But if anyone is having thoughts to hurt me in any way because I speak out. A friend asked me last year if I’m not nervous and looking over my shoulder because I write so publicly. No, I’m not. I’m looking straight ahead at my computer screen and keep writing. I almost even deleted above blog entry about life not worth living, for fear someone may take this in their own interpretation. Again, I am NOT making allegations, but I am taking power out of fear and my life is my life. My blog is my blog. My voice is my voice!

Again, I make no allegations towards anyone, but I suffer anxiety and I cannot suffer in silence.

I have sent this blog entry update to friends, journalists, former Pret colleagues, the Union and even to Pret’s current CEO Pano Christou, Pret’s press and HR departments, and itsu. Pret has been silent since I started writing publicly in May 2018. Pret has only played their usual PR tricks, some Pret people have contacted me or started following me whom I know are WITH Pret, but Pret have not responded publicly. To me, when someone is silent, it worries me more than when they right out fire back.

I may be unwell and struggle with life, but I am not stupid. And if anything happens to me, I want this to be investigated. It is disheartening that Pret has no courage to address what I write. But I am also thankful for writing and working through this nightmare.

I am proud, honoured and privileged beyond words to have put Pret A Manger on a wider map for people to see how and who they really are!

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And Pret, when will you stop bullying, patronizing, victimizing and exploiting your hardworking employees? When will you accept a Union and stop firing people for joining or starting one? When will you stop being so greedy and cater to billionaire companies like Bridgepoint, JAB / Reimann and Co. Even hooking up early in the 2000s with McDonald’s. it was clear then where your “values” lie.

Yes, I may be crazy, but it takes crazy people to do what I do and stop caring what people think, especially those who don’t care about people in the first place. To those who support me and to those who withdrew: I’m sorry I hurt you. To Pret: I’m not sorry one bit!

And I keep writing.

Stay safe, wear a mask, share with, support and help those who are vulnerable. Comfort those who grieve and don’t let them suffer alone.

Merry Christ-Mask-wearing-handwashing-social-distancing!

Clive Schlee’s “Late Night Girl”

Only a few of the blog entries that may have people angry, and me having accumulated “enemies”:

About Clive Schlee

Pano Christou

Lila Warren

David Carter

Julian Metcalfe

and others …

Julian Metcalfe’s day on Twitter. And I thought Clive Schlee’s foot-in-mouth disease was already bad. Metcalfe tops it!

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Also JAB Holdings under secretive 2nd richest German family Reimann with their Nazi past.

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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment:
Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by
The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.


Thank you for reading/listening.

©2017 – Present: expret.org


Interview:

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved.
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