An AI audio conversion of the text for people with visual impairment or who don’t want to read long text. Please ignore the pronounciation of “manger”. Also, the last few seconds are cut off for some reason. Apologies for the quality.
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Dear mental health team,
my drunken email was my typical way to self-sabotage.
I want for the last explain some things again, even though over explaining doesn’t help.
What I wrote regarding the death cafe last year, I went to 15 – 20 death cafes over the years. Every DC is very different, some small, some big, all incredibly valuable. My first DC back in 2016 when I was in the deepest darkness after my brother died, and in my full ordeal in Pret with the bullying. The DC was with only 2 of us, held by the theatre actress Bella Heesom, who did a one-woman show “My World has Exploded a Little Bit” about the death of her parents, specifically her dad.
After the play she announced the death cafe which sounded weird at first, but at the time I was watching films, theatre plays, listened to music all to do with death, dying and loss. She told me that about 5 people signed up, but only I turned up. Other death cafes were run in a park, in a cafe, in an elderly nursing home, and the biggest one was run in your organisation.
My frustration was when I sat opposite a lady who kept talking and talking and talking, and even telling me that what I was sharing about funerals (from my culture) is “irrelevant” (from the perspective of her culture. I didn’t say anything because people in the group cut in to say that nothing anyone says is “irrelevant”.
But I remember looking over to the blonde staff member L. who sat with the mental health staff R. eating salad and I must have looked visibly annoyed because L. grinned at me as if she realised I was annoyed.
I then asked myself why 2 of the staff who put on the death cafe didn’t partake in the conversation and let a new staff member P. partake, because he’s new?
In all the 15-20 death cafes I visited, every person(s) who put on the death cafe partook in the conversation. I felt it was hypocritical to organise an event to talk about the taboo subject “death” but then not partake in it. Yes, you could say you were gate-keeping for new people who might join, but isn’t there a reception that was manned outside to give instruction in how to join?
Also, for the Christmas lunch there was no-one sitting at the entrance to gate keep, and the lunch was PACKED to its beams.
And speaking of the Christmas lunch, I was informed about it and asked R. twice what time it would be and twice never received a response. I then just turned up before noon. I’m sure it has to do with my email then.
I had an initial membership chat with R. and the intern where I filled in a form with R. I then had 2 – 3 or more brief interactions via email with R. as well as brief talks about organising the tables for the Christmas lunch with R. Roughly about 5 interactions where in emails I was addressed by my name.
In January after the Christmas break I started to go to the mental health service and the first thing R. says to me is “I can’t remember your name”. I remember clearly that I said “bullsh!t” in my head. After several interactions addressing me by my name, sorry, I don’t buy it. Not sure if this was insecurity on her part or wanting to belittle me. The next time when I visited, she said “hi (my name), this time I remember your name” … Again, not sure what all this is about.
And then the incident I explained to A., P., and R. regarding the “controlling” thing just because I was concerned about a member’s heating issues after she told me twice she either doesn’t have heating or she couldn’t sleep because it was so cold.
R. said she couldn’t remember if she said this to P. where I heard it as I left the kitchen, but didn’t deny it either! I accept the apology and the offer for P. to meet me once a week. But for P. who heard what R. said, not making any comments, makes me hesitant to trust anyone.
If a mental health facility doesn’t have a strong policy and zero tolerance on speaking behind people, especially when it comes from staff towards people with mental health problems, and then even knowing what I’ve been through, there is no hope.
I would never be able to feel safe if R. won’t say any subtle things because I raised the issue with the “controlling” situation. I know from experience, especially with Pret, but also a psychiatrist who abused his position and I raised a formal complaint, that when one raises issues, from then on one isn’t safe anymore. Even if that’s just my traumatised “imprisoned” brain thinking. I survived too much to trust again.
I understand I’m full on. The Pret situation might shock, even confuse you. But I put my cards on the table, am transparent so people know why I am so all over the place mentally. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I’d ever PUBLICLY call out a multi-billion dollar company, let alone so substantially. I do this to distract myself from the losses and trauma, and to raise awareness of unsafe practices AND because I lmost took my life in Pret.
Recently when we spoke about the cost of living and going on the computer to look up support, R. joined me, even though it’s very clear that I know how to use the computer and do searches.
But R. mentioned her mum who is in high age living with R. at home. Again, I felt that’s a good way to rub it in that my mum died and I couldn’t bury her during 2. lockdown. I also told R. together with A. and P. that my mum had a carer and I had to fly home when her neighbours informed me that the carer wasn’t helping.
Maybe R. tried to make me feel bad that I couldn’t care for my mum at home? If that was the case, I don’t feel bad, because I cared for my mum since I’m 8 years old, and was even in the process to move back to Germany to live with my mum, but we got a carer for the interim time where I sort things out in the UK.
It triggered the whole Lila Warren situation, the development manager who was tasked by Pret to gaslight me so they could fire me after I declined Pret’s money for signing an NDA. Lila was tasked to give me a disciplinary for emailing. But she then entered into emailing and text messaging for which she gave me a disciplinary in the first place.
She lied to me that she also had a brother who died alone in his apartment and wasn’t found for days, just like my brother. All me stupid for believing her, but I was severely traumatized. You could have told me that an elephant barks like a dog, and I would have believed you. I was on autopilot working, but severely traumatized and under shock.
Needless to say, I got fired. Lila Warren still has her job because she and the Pret executive are thick as thieves. She is an NLP practitioner, a Hypnotherapist and at the time she interacted with me studied to become a psychotherapist.
As she was studying one day she sent me a Whatsapp message with a photo of a page she was reading for her psychology studies. On that page (see below) she highlighted in yellow a few things she was reading regarding people with trauma etc.
Part of it in a lesson called “script” what patients predict from past experiences, it says, quote: “The ending of my story will be to die sad and alone”. She sent me this photo of the page via Whatsapp with the words, “I’m just reading this and it made me think of you”.
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It was a big, massive swing at my trauma with how my brother died alone in his apartment. In hindsight I know she sent this to throw me off course so that I drink and write horrible emails again, and therefore get fired, like it was the plan of Pret. And she succeeded. But, after I raised a complaint with the National Hypnotherapy Society for her abusive way to misuse her psychology studies, since then I can’t find her entry anymore at the site anymore. I have a screenshot of Lila’s National Hypnotherapy Society profile on my blog post “Questions to Lila Tighilt Warren”after I researched her name. I don’t know if they kicked her out after interacted with their “Public Protection Officer” as she’s not on there anymore. And maybe also due to all the complaints staff and customers raise about Pret. And the fact Pret neither sue me nor respond to my writings as it would open a can of worms for Pret with the press and the public, might hint to the society that I didn’t make it all up. Apart from that, I still have all the Whatsapp texts and emails from her which I passed on to the society.
But when R. mentioned her mum, that she is in high age living with her, I can’t help but think it was a swing at my situation having lost my mum and maybe trying to make me feel bad that I couldn’t live with my mum.
I don’t feel bad at all. I have done everything in my power to let my mum have the best latter time in life, and the pandemic and lockdowns crossed that out! My mum deteriorated very fast, partly my brother’s death still heavy on her and past issues as a child coming back strong in memories. Every 3 months when I flew over, she seemed a different person. The carer later mentioned how quickly she deteriorated within a year.
I sent to you all the ITV series “Sticks and Stones” to explain how systematic workplace bullying works in all its subtle forms. I never felt in any way weird with A. or P. or any of the members. But I read gaslighting very well now.
And I cannot be in a mental health facility that does not understand trauma or where a staff member feels too insecure to deal with strong personalities. I don’t know. Sure, you are no psychologists, you could give that excuse, but you work with people with mental health issues.
I explained what happened to me so you can understand why I am so whacked and how I am recovering. And surely I over-explained. But I will always over-explain. This helps to show people who really care or who are annoyed EARLY on.
But I lost all my trust in health facilities, hospitals, nursing homes, mental health clubs etc. Anything in an organisation that is supposed to help any type of health aspect. I have no confidence in anymore.
If the aim was to make me insecure, that didn’t work. But it DID work for me to stop coming as I won’t be able to trust. For P. to see me every week would also trigger the Lila Warren issue as she spied on me for Pret to find the right time to get me fired. I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone to not backstab me again, or to say subtle things to hurt me.
I’m unable to work and even volunteer because any issue to do with backbiting, talking bad or even lies about others triggers a tsunami of Pret issues. Where I used to have things roll off my back like a ducks back or was long suffering, I don’t even have thin skin anymore, I lost my skin completely and am bare bone.
The “Sticks and Stones” series shows so realistically how gaslighting works, how the person being targeted cannot put his finger on the issue until he got the evidence,and similar with my issue with Pret. Or after I was contacted by Tristan Tate, the brother of Andrew Tate who both have to defend the claims now of sex human trafficking. When I researched that issue further, I saw an interview where Tristan Tate was asked by Piers Morgan if it’s true that their father told them when they were boys that men need to hit women in such a way that no bruises show.
Open violence, or subtle workplace bullying where “bruises” don’t show, or where the victim doesn’t have evidence to point to a specific action/word until they’re so broken down and confused, they give up. I outed Tristan’s DM to me (NOT showing his text, but just paraphrasing his arrogant words) in an “open letter” to him as he and his brother have their millions of minions to do their dirty work on social media. And I outed him in solidarity with women who fell victim to them, especially Andrew. I use sharp words for a reason for these scum-bags!
Be glad that you have your mum at home R. And I always say to people to do everything you can to have your elderly or even disabled loved one at home, unless there is absolutely no other way. But to “rub it in” shows a bitter side of you. And I lost a lot of trust in people. I guess I’m doomed to die sad and alone, and I don’t mind. I even seek it now to be in a remote place to live the rest of my life and die alone. There are only very few people I trust or have an ounce of hope in. I used be different, but I have no trust in organisations, systems, police, medical services etc. anymore. But I am ok with that.
On the positive note, I meant it when I said that you as a mental health facility do a lot right. You should be proud of that and I saw so many precious members there, each with their own unique personality. One guy remembered my name even though he just spoke with me a few minutes ONCE! Never underestimate people with mental health issues. And never judge a book by its cover, I might look ok, but I have to make daily decisions how my life will “continue”.
Apologies for all the long texts. But I am how I am now. But the only thing I aim to change is to stop drinking altogether. For anything else, I have nothing to feel bad about. And I rather take myself out from a place then to be a nuisance or to feel unsafe.
Please never forget or get into a routine that you work with people with mental health issues. We come in all forms and severity. I am coming to the conclusion that mental health facilities,medical places are NOT the places to recover. I can’t. And I take responsibility.
Thank you for reading. I’m sorry. All the best.
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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret and what Shop Managers and HQ Staff say about Pret and their leadership.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review and was mentioned by the BBC.
Please also see the MEDIA page for more.
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Thank you for reading/listening.
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Bullied during bereavement in Pret A Manger 