I often heard bereaved people say that once they lose someone, people will walk across the other side when spotting them. I’d never imagined how long-time friends, one of 32 years (but knowing her since 37 years, as I cut the friendship after 32 years) would not only betray me, but treat me like and outcast and criminal. Especially her husband was and is cruel, narcissistic, hostile.
I don’t want to get too much into this on the blog as I am tired of writing. But I want to post two songs that are deeply affecting me. One is the brokenness of when it is friends (rather than a former lover/spouse) are the ones who break your heart. “It was Friends who Broke my Heart” by the amazing vocal talent James Blake.
And the other by The Grubby Mitts, “To a Friend’s House, the Way is Never Far”. A profound song with just this one line but slowly builds into intensity as if to emphasise who the real friends are.
In my drunken, traumatised, devastated walks over the years, I have walked by old and new friends houses in despair. I have received kindness, patience and hope in some, but at one home of now former friends of 20 and 32 years (a couple) have received cruelty and violence.
And the confusion and FALSE guild you feel as if you are a criminal has me still hanging on a thread.
Look out for yourself, and also for those long-time friends when they go through hell. Don’t do it alone, do it with many people to take turns.
I had a brief little lovely email exchange with The Grubby Mitts singer Andy Holden after I asked him if I could use another of his songs for a video on YouTube (to not get copyright strikes). This man understands grief and the importance of support.
I have flown across the ocean to visit friends, it was the SHORTEST way to true friends. One of my American friends almost flew over to me in 2015 to pick me up when the Pret issues were at its height. I did visit him and his wife during holidays, but I will never forget his offer to pick me up as I was severely broken down. All while having had friends live 10 minutes by car or 30-40 minutes on foot from me, who did the greatest betrayal.
This song is in my top 10 of favourites of the many songs I love.
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I have put things in place where certain former friends aren’t even allowed to know where I’m buried. To my grave stone, the way is very long and non-accessible for them.
And James Blake’s song and track cover cannot be more fitting in how I feel.
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Interview on a Grief Podcast based in Seattle, WA:
Dr Christine Malone speaks a lot about betrayal, that is when I first realized how deeply betrayed I was. I was too traumatized to see things.
If the player shows 0:00, please click play anyway, this website provider sometimes acts up.
“Finding out my brother died via email”
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Link to Dr Malone’s Podcast:
https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/good-grief/finding-out-my-brother-died-JxqnCLr1hAy
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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. Schlee has been appointed CEO of itsu in 2024 by Julian Metcalfe who gave him the CEO spot at Pret many years ago.
I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret and What shop MANAGERS & HQ staff say about Pret incl. CEO Pano Christou.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review as well as mentioned by the BBC.
Please also see the MEDIA page for more on my work with the press.
NEW LinkTree.
Thank you for reading/listening.
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Interview:
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Bullied during bereavement in Pret A Manger 