I don’t really want to give these people a platform on my blog, but I find this important as a kind of “case study” of how gaslighting works.
It all started here:
I tagged people in who clicked “like” on a Tweet. Something I do all the time. Some people appreciate being informed, other people get p!ssed off about it, others start following me after I tagged them in, others block me, others support me etc. etc. etc. I concentrated on the Tweet about Pret staff not wearing masks, not on the Tweet that was RT’d. Jeffrey Taylor later said he muted me (I’m not blocked as I’m notified of his Tweets where responded in the feed).
This woman at first started to want to mediate that I and the initial poster agreed. When I further explained what I’m writing about, she said “bye”. I then explained that this is such typical “cancel culture” attitude where people immediately leave a conversation because they can’t seem to have a normal argument or even disagreement.
This seemed to have been a “fight or flight” situation. She first wanted to exit the conversation (flight). I gave my opinion about “cancel culture” because these days it seems a challenging task to have a discussion when you don’t agree with something. And then she went into fight-mode.
By all means do what you want to do, leave, block etc. But equally everyone has the right to voice their opinions without being accused and insulted thereafter. But it turned very quickly into accusations and insults. When accusations and insults didn’t work, it turned into a classical gaslighting scenario.
I’m not going to post all the screenshots here, the “conversation” can just be followed via the above link. I just post a few classical examples of ganging up and gaslighting.
I was accused of aggression, which took half a dozen Tweets of me asking for clarification before she finally explained. Then another person entered the feed who wasn’t even tagged in, and started off with insults right off the bat.
From then on there was this “struggle” of the two of them for me to stop tweeting while they kept tweeting in a fast pace, or demand for me to admit I made a mistake or whatever they demanded.
Now the first person has 7000+ followers, but who comes to her “rescue”? A person who hurls insults from the get go. It’s with what kind of attitude/people you surround yourself with, that is what speaks louder than anything.
They then went ahead and in a super fast pace tweeting at me trying to force me to stop. At the end THEY stopped, and pretended to mute me while still tweeting at me. If people are that bothered they usually block. End of. But they kept going and going and going while demanding me to stop.
I have to admit I had a little chuckle as well, they were tweeting so much at a fast pace that I couldn’t keep up “screen-shotting” all, nevertheless responding to individual Tweets. I responded in-between asking to please SLOW DOWN and give me a chance to grab everything and respond:
Now I know how Ricky Gervais feels when he gets insulted and he just responds with sarcasm! 😀
After insulting me didn’t work, the gaslighting went into full gear, quote:
“I’m trying to advocate for Laura here because you wouldn’t listen to her, so I hoped that you’d listen to me. Literally the only thing I care about is that you’ve done wrong by Laura and won’t admit that or apologize for it.”
So, they wanted me to “listen” after FIRST telling me to “shut the f*ck up” and calling me the C-word. Yeah, that’s a great way to advocate for someone to “listen”!
“outside of this you could be a lovely person, a great activist, but the way you’ve acted to Laura and the red flags in your speech along the way have just made it hard for me to empathize with you in this”
Little recap, first I’m a “c***” who should “shut the f*** up” and move on, then I may be a lovely person if I just do as they say. But because I don’t “obey” their demands to not voice my opinion on a public platform, they turn this into, paraphrased, ‘if you do what we say, we will find you lovely and your activism worthwhile‘.
All the while they CHOOSE to tweet at me in a Formular 1 pace from all sides (probably in hopes I’d get overwhelmed?), demanding me to stop. They act like I forced them to respond, and they worked hard for me to stop, while nobody was forcing them to respond. After that ALSO didn’t work, they turned to, paraphrased, ‘you’re sick, dangerous, harassing … and in need professional help‘ …
All the while calling me names, accusing me of aggression etc. while I never said one bad word to them. I am demanded to apologize while being called a c*** and should shut the f*** up! No apology from them, instead further accusations, insults and discriminating language.
Now, I have “cussed” people out in the past, but while I was drunk in trauma. I apologized for it, often deleted, and other times left it in as a reminder to myself etc. It’s not something I’m proud of and I did this when drunk and it’s an issue I have worked on since all the sh!t hit the fan. I love what Adele said recently in an interview, that she does not have access to her Twitter account because of the risk of her tweeting when she drank something. She trusts someone who has the password and she tweets occasionally. But for people to show such toxicity while NOT drunk shows a lot about them.
I also have been able to start to heal BECAUSE of support from people who don’t accuse me of things EVEN though they have ALL the reason to accuse me after I cussed them out while drunk. You know who you are, and you will be mentioned in my book credits! But I don’t gang up on a person who raises an issue where I might then get so hyped up because I was tagged in.
I have been tagged in to subjects that have nothing to do with Pret. At times I engaged in the conversation, other times I moved on because I did not know the subject well enough to be able to contribute. End of. But I don’t get upset and then hurl insults at the person who tagged me in to an issue they care enough about to want to tag people in on a PUBLIC platform.
The first person who started accusing me of aggression and other things, is a “disability journalist”. I mentioned this to her later after she became very discriminating (“you’re disgusting … you need professional help…” etc.)
When I pointed this out to her, she then turned it into another gaslighting issue that I supposedly knew she was disabled and tagged her in regardless. I corrected her that, 1. I did not look at her profile when I tagged her in because she “liked” a Tweet about Pret. I looked at her profile many Tweets after the initial tagging in. And 2. her profile says that she is a “disability journo”, not that she is disabled.
And despite that, what does any disability have to do with anything here? I tagged her and others in on an information regarding Pret, not HER disability! And this is where the issue lies: disability is used to play victim while behaving in a hostile way. Laura Elliott hands out criticism with the help of others, but doesn’t like to accept criticism, and then turns it into a disability issue. Not being specific, not explaining anything, just a barrage of insults and accusations.
The second person who flew into the feed to the rescue, and after cussing me out from the get go, had a moment of self-reflection on her own feed which is commendable. But they were assured by the disability journo that they did nothing wrong.
If someone would commend me for using abusive and insulting language, I would run far, far away from that person! This is not the type of character I would want around in my life! I had a former Pret staff once join into a conversation where I was insulted and he defended me, but he hurled insults at the other person. I quickly stopped it and asked my friend to not speak in such language to them. It’s ok to come to the “rescue” so-to-speak, but there is no need for hating on people, even if they hate on me.
It’s like that Michelle Obama moment where she said “When they go low, we go high”. Again, I have cussed people out before, but I was drunk and then apologized and will never be proud of it. But I don’t gang up on people to kiss butt of someone who throws a fit because she was tagged in. And it’s the people you surround yourself with that either reflects who you are yourself OR if you have a good character, your character gets poisoned.
So, RM_King here had a precious moment of self-reflection, but let the insecure, toxic bully steer them away from potential U-Turn and with it growth in character.
The journo then claimed she muted me (2:37pm). But between 2:49pm and 3:17pm for another half an hour kept tweeting EIGHT more Tweets at me, calling me “unhinged” after I finally called her unhinged first. I have all those screenshots with the time line. She kept twisting and turning issues, accusing, getting help from someone else who started insulting me etc. etc. etc. ALL because I tagged her in. Who’s unhinged, aggressive, insulting and in need of professional help here?
When people are incapable of arguing in a civil manner, they twist and turn it into the other person being sick, in need of help etc.
(Off-topic, reminds me of what they did and continue to try doing to Britney Spears. I’m closely following Britney’s ordeal which is one big horror show. Get someone, lock them up claiming they’re mentally ill and a danger to self and others, and then milking them of millions! Classical.)
Then finally she said that I am “thoroughly” muted! Excuse me, but you either mute someone or you don’t, there is no partial or thorough mute. And if you mute someone, you don’t keep tweeting 8 more posts to them. And, people often ANNOUNCE that they mute someone when they have no more civil arguments left, while in reality still reading and moving the conversation into private DMs. That’s all reasonable, just don’t accuse or insult people while you yourself are having issues, revealing your deranged attitude! Makes you look stupid, erratic and unreasonable. I felt bullied today, but because of what I survived at Pret, I am proud that this did not affect me emotionally like it would have been a while ago. So, I should really thank Pret! Full circle!
Brief UPDATE and side-note: What also strikes me very clearly is that @TinyWriterLaura seems to be a very dominant person, always wanting to be right and gathering “yes-people” around her. This is when @RM_King then comes in, trying to please Laura, sucking up to her and then being told by Laura that RM_King did nothing wrong once RM_King has a moment of self-reflection. Laura has now finally blocked me after I tagged her in when I posted this blog post. Of course I could still see her Tweets when logged out after people sent me her Tweets.
If people look at her Tweets, she’s having a lot of issues and people respond to her strongly. Link to another person being bugged by Laura, scrolling up. Laura then again enters into a string of Tweets to the person. Enjoy @KaymakliBlu! 😀 Laura strikes me as a typical insecure bully by the book! And bullies like to surround themselves with other insecure people who poison themselves by defending the bully and even when having a moment of self-reflection, it gets drowned out and so they become more callous. I feel sorry for them to be honest!
But also to say, I’ve had some interesting interactions with people who claim to be some kind of disability advocate, or once even a guy who was a Samaritan and cussed me out because he was part of a Tweet where I responded to someone else who responded to him. Again, I just responded to a Tweet with no insults or any negative thing except to tweet reality on how Pret is. And boom, world-war three broke out. It’s the people who often proclaim to work with disability, mental health and other health issues, who are the ones who come after me like I just stepped on their toe.
And @RM_King, you’ve been quite an “@rsehole”, and I don’t mind an apology for your insults, but I guess that will never come. But thank you for providing material for a case study of a classical example of gaslighting.
I thought I was done with that woman, but no, some people have tweeted at me and emailed me on further issues she is doing. She called for others to report me to Twitter. That’s fine, report if you want. That report from Twitter came back as not confirming that I broke any rules. But even if, it doesn’t matter, but what DOES matter is that Laura right out LIES in another Tweet to her followers.
Not only is she desperate to get help, dragging others in because she doesn’t seem to be able to stand on her own, but 1. She seems to have become obsessed now and keeps dragging people in, 2. THE following can get her in court for defamation! And I am now seeking legal advise.
I loosely followed the case where Jack Monroe has successfully sued Katie Hopkins for defamation. This has cost Hopkins over £300.000 ordered by the court to pay. Hopkins had to sell one of her houses.
What did Tiny Laura lie about? In red (apart from the first sentence):
She blatantly lies saying, I would seek out/find “anti-mask” accounts to “share” with them. I’m intrigued to see in my Tweets and replies where I “found” and “shared” with anti-maskers. This woman is everything she accused me of. Absolutely everything. One of the most toxicity I’ve ever come across.
And the following lie has me now consider to involve legal aid:
I tagged some people in who “liked” her post where she lied without anyone researching if what she said is actually true. I tagged people in as she blocked me, to ask Laura for evidence. I have RARELY seen such weird, twisted and blatant lie about anyone or anything! Now, of course they all pretend that I’m harassing them, which is exactly what seems to be the plan Laura had with tweeting these. And I am now looking into legal aid for defamation which is in writing.
What strikes me the most is that she and many people say either on their profiles or somewhere in Tweets that they have disabilities. I saw this AFTER some of them insulted me, just to be clear. And you would think that people with disabilities, or any people who are often at the fringes of society, overlooked, discriminated against etc. that they of ALL people would be kind, understanding, asking where someone is coming from etc.
But here I have experienced such a toxic, aggressive, twisting narrative and plainly DISCRIMINATING group of people under someone who seems like the leader of the pack!
What the heck is up with that???!!! Someone please enlighten me! I have been through EXTREME trauma since my brother died and what happened in Pret. As a result I suffer PTSD and other issues. I am THE LAST person who would call a person with similar trauma or any disabilities a “c***”, an idiot, or rally other people against them! Yes, as I said above, I have cussed people out, but that was 1. while I was drunk and later apologized and 2. I always did that to “strong” people or people who have enough power to “crush” me, but don’t. Because it takes STRONG people to have self-control and empathy.
I gained respect for a moment for RM_King when they had a moment of self reflection. And it is important to see how the gaslighting continues and how it works. One clear sign is to make the villain the victim and the victim the villain. And this is also a typical tactic, people use their disability status to claim being harassed. Laura is portrayed as the poor poor person who has been so wronged, while there is so much evidence on how toxic and insulting she behaves.
She asked for help from yes-men/yes-people who quickly encourage her that she did nothing wrong. I am so glad I don’t have people like this in my life, but instead people who’d tell me when I’m off-course. But people who say yes and amen to everything someone does or says, are not people anyone would want in their lives, unless they ARE toxic and have an agenda. They immediately “cancel” anyone who doesn’t agree with them and then play victim. CLASSICAL! They act in a mob against even one voice who challenges them.
It’s also a classical example of bullying and lying to get empathy and a response to then claim “harassment”. I wasn’t paying any attention until someone informed me. I find this interesting for case studies. Because of what I survived in Pret, I can recognize this better than I did when I was undergoing the bullying in Pret. I, too am disabled, but I rarely hang this on my sleeve. I don’t force people to treat me in a way only I want to because I’m disabled. I stand on my own without gathering a mob. And that is always worth it in the long-run. I wouldn’t be able to write a blog about Pret if I was lying or being unreasonable. I provide evidence of issues, while bullies hide behind lies and others.
So, Laura succeeded in getting followers involved and it is again a very good example of gaslighting, ganging up in bullying behaviour as a group. She is a journalist and could EASILY write her own blog post or article on her experience. But she gathers an amount of people so they report because she doesn’t know how argue or agree to disagree. The first report didn’t work, so they try again. They claim I harass them while calling me “idiot”, and they keep responding while they could just simply block. They CHOOSE to respond playing victim to try and get more responses from me, claiming I harass them. 😀
After what I survived in Pret and all that I lost, there is NO amount of people and grouping to bully me into silence or to fear or into anything! Gaslighting and twisting things is such a YUK thing, it makes you feel dirty in your soul afterwards! But I will not be bullied into their narrative.
Further UPDATE: I tweeted the following to the press as well as other hashtags. When people search for her name, especially in connection to my handle, they will find these. And if she tries or succeeds to get my Twitter cancelled or minimized, not too worry, it still gets out there. I’ve lost so much in the few short years that losing any online thing means nothing. I was bullied into silence before, that won’t ever happen again!
And I asked again for people to not contact me with more of her lies. Thank you to those who did, as I was done with her. But I will now let the police look into this, so please report her to Twitter and/or the police, but don’t send me further Tweets of her toxicity.
First of several Tweets to the press and others:
By the way, my blog stats are through the roof! Thank you!
I think I understand a little now what also is the issue, this group of people under the “leadership” of her come across very “militant”. It’s about mask vs. anti-mask, vax vs. anti-vax etc. And ANYONE who doesn’t agree with them, or another subject is added will experience hell and brimstone! 😀
But it made for good case study! And I can only implore anyone who reads this from the Laura brigade, if you agree with me or not, that’s not my concern, but surround yourself with people who are not boot-lickers and butt kissers! I am VERY selective whom I let into my life, and part of the character trait of those I have in my life are people who don’t always agree with me. People that I TRUST, who have the right motives at heart and have the love, care and insight to give me critique on my blind spots, NOT insults and cancel culture. I don’t have ONE yes-person in my life, not one. I have no room for them. I don’t trust them. A yes-person’s “nice” words make my stomach turn!
I’m not a believer in God or the Bible, but one Bible verse always stood out to me: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6
If I have yes-men in my life, they will tell me ALL the time how great I am and never at fault towards others. A true friend will critique in a caring, not an insulting way. Yes-men insult others on behalf of the one they lick the boot of. And WHEN they say nice things (“you could be a lovely person ‘but’…”), it’s stinks to heaven!
UPDATE: A brilliant article on “mob bullying” which is exactly what happened here. One quote I came across: “‘One reason for mob bullying is to get the target to perform the desired behavior….which is to leave. If the target leaves, the mob feels empowered and turns their attention on to someone else'”
Another one from below article: “Mobbing typically starts with one individual, a leader of sorts, who then solicits secondary individuals to assist …”
From: Steps to Prevent Mobbing…It’s a Public Health Issue
They put into better words than I’m able to that this is not about the target, in this case myself, but the bully themself and their issues. Everything I’ve been accused of is what this person portrays. And once you’ve been through traumatic bullying experience, in my case in Pret you not on;y 1. recognize this much earlier, but 2. you don’t this in as you know yourself. They can try and shut me down, it doesn’t matter, it’s just online stuff, I go on and keep writing and speaking out.
People with a mob bullying mentality are also pathological liars, they delete their Tweets to delete evidence, but will sooner or later reap what they sow. And it’s good to keep highlighting how bullying and gaslighting works. The above article points those out very poignantly.
I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Please also see the MEDIA page for more.
Thank you for reading/listening.
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