A Classical Gaslighting Scenario by the Book

I don’t really want to give these people a platform on my blog, but I find this important as a kind of “case study” of how gaslighting works.

It all started here:

Link

I tagged people in who clicked “like” on a Tweet. Something I do all the time. Some people appreciate being informed, other people get p!ssed off about it, others start following me after I tagged them in, others block me, others support me etc. etc. etc. I concentrated on the Tweet about Pret staff not wearing masks, not on the Tweet that was RT’d. Jeffrey Taylor later said he muted me (I’m not blocked as I’m notified of his Tweets where responded in the feed).

This woman at first started to want to mediate that I and the initial poster agreed. When I further explained what I’m writing about, she said “bye”. I then explained that this is such typical “cancel culture” attitude where people immediately leave a conversation because they can’t seem to have a normal argument or even disagreement.

This seemed to have been a “fight or flight” situation. She first wanted to exit the conversation (flight). I gave my opinion about “cancel culture” because these days it seems a challenging task to have a discussion when you don’t agree with something. And then she went into fight-mode.

By all means do what you want to do, leave, block etc. But equally everyone has the right to voice their opinions without being accused and insulted thereafter. But it turned very quickly into accusations and insults. When accusations and insults didn’t work, it turned into a classical gaslighting scenario.

I’m not going to post all the screenshots here, the “conversation” can just be followed via the above link. I just post a few classical examples of ganging up and gaslighting.

I was accused of aggression, which took half a dozen Tweets of me asking for clarification before she finally explained. Then another person entered the feed who wasn’t even tagged in, and started off with insults right off the bat.

Link

From then on there was this “struggle” of the two of them for me to stop tweeting while they kept tweeting in a fast pace, or demand for me to admit I made a mistake or whatever they demanded.

Now the first person has 7000+ followers, but who comes to her “rescue”? A person who hurls insults from the get go. It’s with what kind of attitude/people you surround yourself with, that is what speaks louder than anything.

They then went ahead and in a super fast pace tweeting at me trying to force me to stop. At the end THEY stopped, and pretended to mute me while still tweeting at me. If people are that bothered they usually block. End of. But they kept going and going and going while demanding me to stop.

I have to admit I had a little chuckle as well, they were tweeting so much at a fast pace that I couldn’t keep up “screen-shotting” all, nevertheless responding to individual Tweets. I responded in-between asking to please SLOW DOWN and give me a chance to grab everything and respond:

Link

Now I know how Ricky Gervais feels when he gets insulted and he just responds with sarcasm! 😀

After insulting me didn’t work, the gaslighting went into full gear, quote:

“I’m trying to advocate for Laura here because you wouldn’t listen to her, so I hoped that you’d listen to me. Literally the only thing I care about is that you’ve done wrong by Laura and won’t admit that or apologize for it.”

Link

So, they wanted me to “listen” after FIRST telling me to “shut the f*ck up” and calling me the C-word. Yeah, that’s a great way to advocate for someone to “listen”!

Further, quote:

“outside of this you could be a lovely person, a great activist, but the way you’ve acted to Laura and the red flags in your speech along the way have just made it hard for me to empathize with you in this”

Link

Little recap, first I’m a “c***” who should “shut the f*** up” and move on, then I may be a lovely person if I just do as they say. But because I don’t “obey” their demands to not voice my opinion on a public platform, they turn this into, paraphrased, ‘if you do what we say, we will find you lovely and your activism worthwhile‘.

All the while they CHOOSE to tweet at me in a Formular 1 pace from all sides (probably in hopes I’d get overwhelmed?), demanding me to stop. They act like I forced them to respond, and they worked hard for me to stop, while nobody was forcing them to respond. After that ALSO didn’t work, they turned to, paraphrased, ‘you’re sick, dangerous, harassing … and in need professional help‘ …

Classic! 😀

All the while calling me names, accusing me of aggression etc. while I never said one bad word to them. I am demanded to apologize while being called a c*** and should shut the f*** up! No apology from them, instead further accusations, insults and discriminating language.

Link

Now, I have “cussed” people out in the past, but while I was drunk in trauma. I apologized for it, often deleted, and other times left it in as a reminder to myself etc. It’s not something I’m proud of and I did this when drunk and it’s an issue I have worked on since all the sh!t hit the fan. I love what Adele said recently in an interview, that she does not have access to her Twitter account because of the risk of her tweeting when she drank something. She trusts someone who has the password and she tweets occasionally. But for people to show such toxicity while NOT drunk shows a lot about them.

I also have been able to start to heal BECAUSE of support from people who don’t accuse me of things EVEN though they have ALL the reason to accuse me after I cussed them out while drunk. You know who you are, and you will be mentioned in my book credits! But I don’t gang up on a person who raises an issue where I might then get so hyped up because I was tagged in.

I have been tagged in to subjects that have nothing to do with Pret. At times I engaged in the conversation, other times I moved on because I did not know the subject well enough to be able to contribute. End of. But I don’t get upset and then hurl insults at the person who tagged me in to an issue they care enough about to want to tag people in on a PUBLIC platform.

The first person who started accusing me of aggression and other things, is a “disability journalist”. I mentioned this to her later after she became very discriminating (“you’re disgusting … you need professional help…” etc.)

When I pointed this out to her, she then turned it into another gaslighting issue that I supposedly knew she was disabled and tagged her in regardless. I corrected her that, 1. I did not look at her profile when I tagged her in because she “liked” a Tweet about Pret. I looked at her profile many Tweets after the initial tagging in. And 2. her profile says that she is a “disability journo”, not that she is disabled.

And despite that, what does any disability have to do with anything here? I tagged her and others in on an information regarding Pret, not HER disability! And this is where the issue lies: disability is used to play victim while behaving in a hostile way. Laura Elliott hands out criticism with the help of others, but doesn’t like to accept criticism, and then turns it into a disability issue. Not being specific, not explaining anything, just a barrage of insults and accusations.

The second person who flew into the feed to the rescue, and after cussing me out from the get go, had a moment of self-reflection on her own feed which is commendable. But they were assured by the disability journo that they did nothing wrong.

Link

If someone would commend me for using abusive and insulting language, I would run far, far away from that person! This is not the type of character I would want around in my life! I had a former Pret staff once join into a conversation where I was insulted and he defended me, but he hurled insults at the other person. I quickly stopped it and asked my friend to not speak in such language to them. It’s ok to come to the “rescue” so-to-speak, but there is no need for hating on people, even if they hate on me.

It’s like that Michelle Obama moment where she said “When they go low, we go high”. Again, I have cussed people out before, but I was drunk and then apologized and will never be proud of it. But I don’t gang up on people to kiss butt of someone who throws a fit because she was tagged in. And it’s the people you surround yourself with that either reflects who you are yourself OR if you have a good character, your character gets poisoned.

So, RM_King here had a precious moment of self-reflection, but let the insecure, toxic bully steer them away from potential U-Turn and with it growth in character.

The journo then claimed she muted me (2:37pm). But between 2:49pm and 3:17pm for another half an hour kept tweeting EIGHT more Tweets at me, calling me “unhinged” after I finally called her unhinged first. I have all those screenshots with the time line. She kept twisting and turning issues, accusing, getting help from someone else who started insulting me etc. etc. etc. ALL because I tagged her in. Who’s unhinged, aggressive, insulting and in need of professional help here?

When people are incapable of arguing in a civil manner, they twist and turn it into the other person being sick, in need of help etc.

(Off-topic, reminds me of what they did and continue to try doing to Britney Spears. I’m closely following Britney’s ordeal which is one big horror show. Get someone, lock them up claiming they’re mentally ill and a danger to self and others, and then milking them of millions! Classical.)

Link

Then finally she said that I am “thoroughly” muted! Excuse me, but you either mute someone or you don’t, there is no partial or thorough mute. And if you mute someone, you don’t keep tweeting 8 more posts to them. And, people often ANNOUNCE that they mute someone when they have no more civil arguments left, while in reality still reading and moving the conversation into private DMs. That’s all reasonable, just don’t accuse or insult people while you yourself are having issues, revealing your deranged attitude! Makes you look stupid, erratic and unreasonable. I felt bullied today, but because of what I survived at Pret, I am proud that this did not affect me emotionally like it would have been a while ago. So, I should really thank Pret! Full circle!

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Brief UPDATE and side-note: What also strikes me very clearly is that @TinyWriterLaura seems to be a very dominant person, always wanting to be right and gathering “yes-people” around her. This is when @RM_King then comes in, trying to please Laura, sucking up to her and then being told by Laura that RM_King did nothing wrong once RM_King has a moment of self-reflection. Laura has now finally blocked me after I tagged her in when I posted this blog post. Of course I could still see her Tweets when logged out after people sent me her Tweets.

If people look at her Tweets, she’s having a lot of issues and people respond to her strongly. Link to another person being bugged by Laura, scrolling up. Laura then again enters into a string of Tweets to the person. Enjoy @KaymakliBlu! 😀 Laura strikes me as a typical insecure bully by the book! And bullies like to surround themselves with other insecure people who poison themselves by defending the bully and even when having a moment of self-reflection, it gets drowned out and so they become more callous. I feel sorry for them to be honest!

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But also to say, I’ve had some interesting interactions with people who claim to be some kind of disability advocate, or once even a guy who was a Samaritan and cussed me out because he was part of a Tweet where I responded to someone else who responded to him. Again, I just responded to a Tweet with no insults or any negative thing except to tweet reality on how Pret is. And boom, world-war three broke out. It’s the people who often proclaim to work with disability, mental health and other health issues, who are the ones who come after me like I just stepped on their toe.

And @RM_King, you’ve been quite an “@rsehole”, and I don’t mind an apology for your insults, but I guess that will never come. But thank you for providing material for a case study of a classical example of gaslighting.

UPDATE 21.01.2022

I thought I was done with that woman, but no, some people have tweeted at me and emailed me on further issues she is doing. She called for others to report me to Twitter. That’s fine, report if you want. That report from Twitter came back as not confirming that I broke any rules. But even if, it doesn’t matter, but what DOES matter is that Laura right out LIES in another Tweet to her followers.

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Not only is she desperate to get help, dragging others in because she doesn’t seem to be able to stand on her own, but 1. She seems to have become obsessed now and keeps dragging people in, 2. THE following can get her in court for defamation! And I am now seeking legal advise.

I loosely followed the case where Jack Monroe has successfully sued Katie Hopkins for defamation. This has cost Hopkins over £300.000 ordered by the court to pay. Hopkins had to sell one of her houses.

What did Tiny Laura lie about? In red (apart from the first sentence):

Link

She blatantly lies saying, I would seek out/find “anti-mask” accounts to “share” with them. I’m intrigued to see in my Tweets and replies where I “found” and “shared” with anti-maskers. This woman is everything she accused me of. Absolutely everything. One of the most toxicity I’ve ever come across.

And the following lie has me now consider to involve legal aid:

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I tagged some people in who “liked” her post where she lied without anyone researching if what she said is actually true. I tagged people in as she blocked me, to ask Laura for evidence. I have RARELY seen such weird, twisted and blatant lie about anyone or anything! Now, of course they all pretend that I’m harassing them, which is exactly what seems to be the plan Laura had with tweeting these. And I am now looking into legal aid for defamation which is in writing.

What strikes me the most is that she and many people say either on their profiles or somewhere in Tweets that they have disabilities. I saw this AFTER some of them insulted me, just to be clear. And you would think that people with disabilities, or any people who are often at the fringes of society, overlooked, discriminated against etc. that they of ALL people would be kind, understanding, asking where someone is coming from etc.

But here I have experienced such a toxic, aggressive, twisting narrative and plainly DISCRIMINATING group of people under someone who seems like the leader of the pack!

What the heck is up with that???!!! Someone please enlighten me! I have been through EXTREME trauma since my brother died and what happened in Pret. As a result I suffer PTSD and other issues. I am THE LAST person who would call a person with similar trauma or any disabilities a “c***”, an idiot, or rally other people against them! Yes, as I said above, I have cussed people out, but that was 1. while I was drunk and later apologized and 2. I always did that to “strong” people or people who have enough power to “crush” me, but don’t. Because it takes STRONG people to have self-control and empathy.

I gained respect for a moment for RM_King when they had a moment of self reflection. And it is important to see how the gaslighting continues and how it works. One clear sign is to make the villain the victim and the victim the villain. And this is also a typical tactic, people use their disability status to claim being harassed. Laura is portrayed as the poor poor person who has been so wronged, while there is so much evidence on how toxic and insulting she behaves.

She asked for help from yes-men/yes-people who quickly encourage her that she did nothing wrong. I am so glad I don’t have people like this in my life, but instead people who’d tell me when I’m off-course. But people who say yes and amen to everything someone does or says, are not people anyone would want in their lives, unless they ARE toxic and have an agenda. They immediately “cancel” anyone who doesn’t agree with them and then play victim. CLASSICAL! They act in a mob against even one voice who challenges them.

It’s also a classical example of bullying and lying to get empathy and a response to then claim “harassment”. I wasn’t paying any attention until someone informed me. I find this interesting for case studies. Because of what I survived in Pret, I can recognize this better than I did when I was undergoing the bullying in Pret. I, too am disabled, but I rarely hang this on my sleeve. I don’t force people to treat me in a way only I want to because I’m disabled. I stand on my own without gathering a mob. And that is always worth it in the long-run. I wouldn’t be able to write a blog about Pret if I was lying or being unreasonable. I provide evidence of issues, while bullies hide behind lies and others.

So, Laura succeeded in getting followers involved and it is again a very good example of gaslighting, ganging up in bullying behaviour as a group. She is a journalist and could EASILY write her own blog post or article on her experience. But she gathers an amount of people so they report because she doesn’t know how argue or agree to disagree. The first report didn’t work, so they try again. They claim I harass them while calling me “idiot”, and they keep responding while they could just simply block. They CHOOSE to respond playing victim to try and get more responses from me, claiming I harass them. 😀

After what I survived in Pret and all that I lost, there is NO amount of people and grouping to bully me into silence or to fear or into anything! Gaslighting and twisting things is such a YUK thing, it makes you feel dirty in your soul afterwards! But I will not be bullied into their narrative.

Further UPDATE: I tweeted the following to the press as well as other hashtags. When people search for her name, especially in connection to my handle, they will find these. And if she tries or succeeds to get my Twitter cancelled or minimized, not too worry, it still gets out there. I’ve lost so much in the few short years that losing any online thing means nothing. I was bullied into silence before, that won’t ever happen again!

And I asked again for people to not contact me with more of her lies. Thank you to those who did, as I was done with her. But I will now let the police look into this, so please report her to Twitter and/or the police, but don’t send me further Tweets of her toxicity.

First of several Tweets to the press and others:

By the way, my blog stats are through the roof! Thank you!

UPDATE: 22.01.2022

I think I understand a little now what also is the issue, this group of people under the “leadership” of her come across very “militant”. It’s about mask vs. anti-mask, vax vs. anti-vax etc. And ANYONE who doesn’t agree with them, or another subject is added will experience hell and brimstone! 😀

But it made for good case study! And I can only implore anyone who reads this from the Laura brigade, if you agree with me or not, that’s not my concern, but surround yourself with people who are not boot-lickers and butt kissers! I am VERY selective whom I let into my life, and part of the character trait of those I have in my life are people who don’t always agree with me. People that I TRUST, who have the right motives at heart and have the love, care and insight to give me critique on my blind spots, NOT insults and cancel culture. I don’t have ONE yes-person in my life, not one. I have no room for them. I don’t trust them. A yes-person’s “nice” words make my stomach turn!

I’m not a believer in God or the Bible, but one Bible verse always stood out to me: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6

If I have yes-men in my life, they will tell me ALL the time how great I am and never at fault towards others. A true friend will critique in a caring, not an insulting way. Yes-men insult others on behalf of the one they lick the boot of. And WHEN they say nice things (“you could be a lovely person ‘but’…”), it’s stinks to heaven!

UPDATE: A brilliant article on “mob bullying” which is exactly what happened here. One quote I came across: “‘One reason for mob bullying is to get the target to perform the desired behavior….which is to leave. If the target leaves, the mob feels empowered and turns their attention on to someone else'”

Another one from below article: “Mobbing typically starts with one individual, a leader of sorts, who then solicits secondary individuals to assist …”

From: Steps to Prevent Mobbing…It’s a Public Health Issue

They put into better words than I’m able to that this is not about the target, in this case myself, but the bully themself and their issues. Everything I’ve been accused of is what this person portrays. And once you’ve been through traumatic bullying experience, in my case in Pret you not on;y 1. recognize this much earlier, but 2. you don’t this in as you know yourself. They can try and shut me down, it doesn’t matter, it’s just online stuff, I go on and keep writing and speaking out.

People with a mob bullying mentality are also pathological liars, they delete their Tweets to delete evidence, but will sooner or later reap what they sow. And it’s good to keep highlighting how bullying and gaslighting works. The above article points those out very poignantly.

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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.

Please also see the MEDIA page for more.

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Thank you for reading/listening.

©2017 – Present: expret.org


Interview:

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Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Quote of the Day #61 – Pret A Slave’s Company

Another “slave” review now from 18. Oct. 2018 and added to the list of complaints regarding Modern-day Slavery treatment in Pret.

SlaveBrick

Quote of the Day (highlight by me):

If someone can’t finish job on time has to stay longer, for free. Common practise is to give someone job to do, just a couple of minutes before end of shift and after telling that “you couldn’t finish on time, because you are to slow”

Oh yes, this is absolutely a common practice. The amount of times I was given a job 15 minutes before my shift ended, a job that would take at least 30 – 45 minutes and longer. I changed this “habit” then, and left on the dot when my shift ended and also told my teams or individuals when they were given jobs by the line manager minutes before their shift ended, that I will pay them via the system, as I was authorized to do as part of my team leader responsibilities, for the extra time. When the manager objected, which happened many times, then I advised my TMs that they should leave on the dot. I let my team go home precisely when their shift ended.

This did not make me friends with my line- and OPs managers, but these kind of people are not my desired friends!

2018-10-18 Slave Company

Former TM review from 18. Oct. 2018

Pret workers should do what colleagues did in the U.S. taking Pret to court:

Pret settles overtime wage claim (NY)


Long but not exhaustive list of Pret Staff reviews and complaints.


NOTE:

If you are a current Pret Employee, especially in the shop and / or kitchen, I advise you to not waste your time trying to change work conditions, nor “fight” this internally. Before I worked in Pret I never had any problems with a company or bosses. Of course I had the usual stresses any job brings, especially the food industry, and a boss here and there would get on our nerves from time to time, but nothing like the hell and trauma I survived in Pret! Nothing came even close!

That’s why I made the mistake to give Pret the benefit of the doubt one too many times, as this was a first, and trying to figure out why this was happening to me. In my darkest time during bereavement, when I was so traumatized I couldn’t see left from right and just went on autopilot, I was even bullied on top of this! From my experience with this company, Pret A Manger, and especially their toxic HR department, I can only urge you to join a Union! Keep on writing reviews on Employment Review and other websites, but safe yourself unnecessary pain and time, and join a Union.

In fact any employee should be a member of a Union. Period.

For Pret workers and food workers in general, I can highly recommend the Bakers Food and Allied Workers’ Union. The BFAWU was instrumental in the first ever McDonald’s workers’ strikes (McStrike) in the UK that already took place in the USA, but in the UK they are a vital force in organizing workers who suffer financially, physically and mentally.

But understand, that when you join a Union and Pret knows about it, that they will find anything against you to get rid of you. Andrej who founded the Pret A Manger Staff Union (PAMSU) was fired under the “pret”ense of allegedly having made homophobic remarks 10 months prior to getting dismissed.

Andrej confronting Pret on the real reason of dismissal.

Pret A Manger Staff Union on Twitter

BFAWU on Twitter

So, join a Union but understand that once Pret knows that you joined any Union, your days in Pret are numbered. But you won’t be alone. I am recommending the BFAWU because they are very active and supportive of all workers.

President of the BFAWU, Ian Hodson’s much needed words for employees and employers alike:

Worldwide food workers’ strikes on 04.10.2018

John McDonnell’s message to exploitative employers:

“We are coming for you!”


I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment:
Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by
The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.

©2017 – Present: expret.org


Interview:

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved.
Disclaimer.

Quote of the Day #60 – Pret A Modern-day Slavery

UPDATE:

I posted this Quote of the Day which I have been doing on and off since around May 2018, but today’s “quote” I posted a few hours before I learned today’s news of a second death from a Pret A Manger product. Even though I am not surprised at Pret’s negligence and slow reaction until this became public, I am utterly shaken at these news. Devastated and shocked!


pressure-62283_960_720

They expect you to follow six key points of production and have passion in making items. When you follow this they then moan that you are to slow and need to hurry up as everyone in a Pret kitchen says choppy choppy which is the worst thing because it only makes you less motivated.

My comment: Yes, this is very true, and the reason for this is that leaders in the shop, but especially in the kitchen under harsh management are pushing people to their limits to then be promoted themselves. A typical “kissing upwards, and kicking downwards” bullying behaviour in large companies. In Pret this is rampant as can be seen in the Staff Complaints via the link on the bottom, but Pret is next to nothing when it comes to PR and the public is lulled in to believe Pret is kind to their staff. Well …

2018-10-02 Modern day slavery depression

Former TM 2nd Oct. 2018

I also want to highlight the “Cons” in this review, quote:

“Cons

Depression. Anxiety. Dread to go to work

I can absolutely underline this statement of the mentally unhealthy environment in Pret.

Featured in the selected “Quotes of the Day“.

Comprehensive, but not exhaustive Pret Staff Complaints.

Why I collected these after having survived Pret.

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – 2018 poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

How I became a Late Night Girl

Clive Schlee, CEO of Pret A Manger stepped on my dignity, patronizing me by calling me his “late night girl” two months before Pret fired me while my dad was in intensive care, just out of a coma. Why he labeled me this I explain on my blog here in detail. I adopted this “label” to be a sore in Pret’s sight, in hopes they will never do to employees again what they’ve done to me.

On 12. January 2015 I woke up and checked my email while still in bed blurry-eyed. Bed, the most vulnerable and safe place to be in. I had late shift that week and thought I quickly check my mail before turning around to sleep some more and later go to work.

I found myself making the fastest jump out of bed I’ve ever made, but that jump felt like slow motion, as if I got stuck in mid air and my room was moving by me in an eerie pace. The light painted wall became fogged up like someone just poured a dust-like grey powder over it. When I landed on my feet, I felt like a deformed cartoon character out of a Tom & Jerry fighting scene, who got whacked over the head and entered into another world. But it was more like a shotgun hole in my gut, something ripped life out of my system and left a huge crater behind.

My bedroom wasn’t my bedroom anymore, my apartment wasn’t my apartment anymore, my mind wasn’t my mind anymore. It was just like it feels when you return from a two or three week trip to a different country and culture, returning home and your place has a different feel to it, a stale atmosphere because you’ve gotten used to a different place, food, impressions, language.

Of course your apartment or house is still the same, it’s just you who has to readjust to the familiar and safe place you know so well and fill it with life again. But for me it was like I’ve come “home” to hell. It was the beginning of a very long and dark time in that world, which I am still standing in with one foot, while the other foot is trying to venture out to find green pastures.

In a 6 or 7 sentence email the sender went down a quick and short route to inform me that my brother has been found dead in his flat on the 15. December 2014. Next of kin could not be found in time (in a country as efficient as Germany!). Cause of death not clear, no autopsy, he lay dead for an estimated 6 days plus/minus before he was found, and then they just cremated him before finding us!

[After I flew over the next day to personally – not over the phone! – bring my mum the death of her son she gave life to, we arranged for his urn to be brought over from the city where he lived in. To our utter disbelief they sent his urn via post to the city’s council where my mum lives, so we can bury whatever was left of my brother close to my mum. Another German procedure I didn’t know was even done like this, sending an urn via post?!]

Furthermore I was advised to reject the inheritance as his estate was highly in debt, which also meant I learned later that I could not retrieve any of his belongings and was informed later that any belongings with no financial value has been destroyed…

The email ended with some other instructions. Kind regards.

My phone became like a curse in my hand that I could not understand that this was a phone I was holding, just starring at it, reading an electronic mail giving me a message of death.

I died that day.

When Machines Bring You Death

©2018 LateNightGirl.org

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – 2019 poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

A bully is strong???

 

A wonderful campaign to change the definition of bully in the dictionary!

Current definition in several dictionaries:
bully1 n. (pl.bullies) Those who use strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.

Campaign to change the wording to:
bully1 n. (pl.bullies) A person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.

The online Oxford dictionary has changed this.

 

From AntiBullyingPro: Young People Who Are Being Bullied No Longer Defined As ‘Weak’

 


 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment:
Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by
The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

The Definition of Bullying

 

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Or click here: https://expret.org/2018/06/29/the-definition-of-bullying

 

Bullying can kill

 

When my brother died I went into extreme darkness, shock and trauma, and at the same time straight into autopilot. Apart from all the errands I had to run and things I had to do, I kept working because I had no choice. I lost all my savings for all the bills that came up, flights, living costs etc. I was forced to keep working.

During that time the bullying in Pret did not stop, it even gotten worse where they tried to cut me out of my leadership position. One incidence I just came back from a two week holiday in warm Florida and Virginia having visited with friends, one of whom I share my birthday with, and our combined friends gave us a trip on a boat to watch dolphins further out on the ocean. I didn’t enjoy the holiday as I usually do, but I relaxed and enjoyed my friends. In hindsight this was the darkest time, the whole year and the following was, but this time even while the sun was beaming and my friends were so lovely, it was so dark for me.

My guard was somewhat down, just having returned from a warm climate, warm in weather and in people, to then returning to the cold early December weather in London. When I returned to work my then line manager was tense and as usual would tell me off in front of my team. As an employee to be told off repeatedly in front of your colleagues is already wrong and hard enough, but as a team leader being told off again in front of my team I couldn’t bear anymore.

After just starting work again, with my guard down and this having been two days before the first anniversary of my brother’s death, I couldn’t take the telling off anymore and I just broke down right then and their in front of everyone. I cried and shouted uncontrollably, tried to take my jacket and pushed a tall colleague a little to the side who was just standing behind me. Shocked at him standing there, because I didn’t realize someone was behind me, I just pushed him out of shock, crying, trying to grab my jacket to leave the shop.

The line manager kept telling me to get out on the shop floor to serve customers. I was extremely in shock, afraid I would lose my job if I take my jacket and leave. The guy I pushed (not purposely, but in shock) just said to me “Don’t push me!” When he said that I just wept and repeatedly said “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

NO ONE tried to calm me down or console me, absolutely no one!

The line manager flung the office door to the shop floor open and with a delegating pointing finger towards the shop floor ordered me out. In tears and immense shock I served customers, and not even customers asked me what happened. My colleagues outside did, who didn’t witness what happened in the office. They asked what’s going on, but I couldn’t tell them.

I raised a grievance, which at first HR didn’t want to do. I then contacted the CEO and only then did they conduct a hearing. The hearing manager in a nutshell rejected everything, rejected that it was bullying and even flipped it around putting the blame on me for being aggressive (breakdown!!)! Shock after shock after shock after shock after shock….

I appealed the outcome and in a 4.5 hour appeal’s hearing the hearing manager and HR note taker played dumb and pretended (Pret-ended!) to not understand what my problem is. The hearing manager in fact than asked me another shocking question:

“What is your definition of bullying?”

I remember just starring at her… Did she really just asked me that??!

To make it short, the appeal was partially substantiated, but not that it was bullying, but only that the line manager after I broke down did not show “compassion”. I understand only in hindsight that they tried to avoid admitting that bullying of a bereaved employee not only happened, but kept continuing. In fact I was put into the role of the bully then because I became loud and in tears crying out irrationally.

In hindsight I would answer the question of what my definition of bullying is, with the question of what this OPs manager’s definition of bullshit is?!

As you read you would ask why on earth I didn’t go to Tribunal then. I cannot explain this, I cannot explain the irrational fear I was in, the intense trauma and fog. I entered into self-blame which was perfect for Pret, because I suffered from sibling survivor guilt. I felt, and still feel somewhat that I let my brother down. Why did I survive my big brother?! What have I done to deserve to live!?

In later grievance appeal’s hearing I raised against an HR People Business Partner who kept sending me away when I asked for support, I explained the background of my turmoil up until my communications with this PBP, when I came to the point about being rebuked again, breaking down and in my broken down state being send out to do customer service, the hearing manager asked me if my GP can verify that I had a breakdown! I cannot explain the Twilight Zone I was in with incident after incident of systemic bullying in a work environment.

So, the bullying felt more like I was just imagining wrong doing because I already am suffering on the inside, lost over 35kg (while having free food around me every day!), couldn’t eat, was in physical pain, tinnitus, a complete and utter mess inside. I gave everybody the benefit of a doubt, except myself. How sick I have become and how wrong I was to let them step all over me, but I was in a different world, traumatized and on autopilot.

I became suicidal and had several close calls and am moving on to tell my story, no matter what they’ll throw at me!

So, to the OPs manager who did the appeal’s hearing asking me my definition of bullying, and to Pret, I have a question: Would the below count as definition of bullying?

 

Quote of the Day Pret #4

(New York)

 

This one maybe?

Quote Pret #22 Racist

(NYC)

 

Or this one?

Quote Pret #23 Racism

 

How about this!

Quote Pret #21 Just Terrible

(Chicago)

 

This?

Quote Pret #09a Hellhole

Quote Pret #09b Hellhole

 

 

Quote Pret #15 Harsh

(London)

 

 

Quote Pret #19 Avoid

 

Quote Pret #20 Terrible Company

 

(NYC)

 

Quote Pret #11 Squandered Opportunities

 

Quote Pret #25 Brainwash

 

For the sake of my wrist trying to avoid carpal tunnel, a long but not exhaustive list can be found here:

Pret A Manger Staff Complaints

Would the above answer your question dear OPs manager? If you don’t think that bullying a bereaved employee and in their trauma send them out to do customer service, in a company that prides itself in customer service does not look like bullying to you, then I really feel for your lack of emotional intelligence and you conspiring with a toxic HR department like this!

 

The Cost of Systemic Workplace Bullying

The Cost of Systemic Workplace Bullying – 2

Workplace Bullying Costs Lives

Workplace Bullying Costs Lives – 2

Pret’s Modern Slavery Statement vs. Pret’s Modern Slavery Practices

Pret A Manger Staff Complaints ~~~ & ~~~ Selected Quotes

How I became a Late Night Girl

 

 

Late Night Girl2

 


 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment:
Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by
The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.