I understand now why no journalist wants to report on my story. Every journalist wants to put THEIR name under your story! I am too much in control of my own story. It is always and will always be about people wanting THEIR name under a story. I is always and will always be about money, self-interest, ones own skin.
Your friends will leave you when you lose the floor underneath your feet. You employer will move heaven and hell to get rid of you once you have loss or illness in your family.
This world will spit you out once you are of no use to them.
Britney Spears said it best in her now deleted Instagram post:
Stay safe y’all.
.
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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post. An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret. I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
My lashing out and crying out has gotten out of control so many times that I don’t know if I can overcome this.
When I started the emailing to Pret and others (friends, counsellor, anyone …), I was in the middle of the bullying at work and trying to come to terms about my brother’s death.
I received the news of his death via email. In that email I learned that he has died 5 weeks prior, no clear cause of death and an approximate day of death plus minus. He lay dead in his apartment approximately 6 days. This email gave me his death and that they supposedly couldn’t find us and they cremated him. Other heavy information, all in ONE email. I am still today communicating with the police and even involved the press as I can’t afford a lawyer. I plainly don’t know what to do and how to live.
My friends became quickly overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do with me. I was overweight and lost 35kg, much of it in the first 6 months, and no-one knew how to approach me, so they stayed away. I worked at Pret with daily free food, but I couldn’t eat. I forced myself to eat half a baguette a day or a banana and could not swallow.
When the bullying started, Pret did not have info of the circumstances of my brother’s death as I didn’t talk about it except that he had died, not wanting to burden anyone. I only shared about a year later. Part of the bullying from line managers and an area manager was via email.
I believe this catapulted me into mass emailing. I was then gaslighted by a Development Manager from Pret who was tasked to sanction me for emailing. But this person told me in the FORMAL disciplinary hearing that she also had a brother who died alone in his apartment and was not discovered for 10 days. I still don’t know to this day if she lied. If she did, she is a very good liar because of the way she described things. She is also a Hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and now a Psychotherapist which I learned later. In hindsight I was very naive and lost in a fog of grief, trauma and the survival of the bullying culture in Pret.
I raised a formal complaint with one of the counselling bodies she is under, but they stalled and I flipped out so much that it didn’t get anywhere. I raised a Tribunal claim against Pret and had to withdraw, as I couldn’t afford a lawyer and my dad died at the time of preparing for the case.
The Development Manager went into private text messaging and emailing with me the very next day after she disciplined me for emailing!!! In hindsight it was a trick from Pret to fire me after I also kept raising issues of bullying in Pret.
When I started emailing I didn’t drink. The drinking came later and made it worse. It became so bad that I started to dismantle my phone and laptop, hiding parts in cupboards and places, so when I was drunk, I had a hard time finding the parts and putting it back together. I became so ill.
But I couldn’t stop writing. I often forgot the next day that I wrote to people until I received angry mails back or checked my sent folder! I was always devastated. I even told my then line manager TWICE that I am emailing Pret and don’t know why. He said twice that it’s not his business and that he doesn’t judge me. I was calling out, speaking to counsellors, but the sessions where always 6 weeks and stopped.
When I dismantled my phone and laptop, I woke up the next day and discovered that I’ve written on my walls with markers! I couldn’t stop writing! My apartment was a mess on the walls. I still had some paint from a year before when my kitchen and bathroom were refurbished, and I painted over the writing. Then when drunk, I wrote again on the walls, then painted over again … then wrote again … BUT at least I did NOT email anyone!
When I lost my job and went into further turmoil, I started to write publicly on this blog about what Pret did. When I started to write, I was suicidal and planned to write as much and fast as I can and then end my life. I wanted to leave and at least tell the world what happened that it can’t be brushed under the carpet.
But the writing turned into healing and support, at least on social media started to come in and I felt that the writing, apart from exposing Pret, turned into healing.
But I emailed again and again … even up to TODAY!
I lashed out at people, in emails, in DMs, openly on Twitter, on Facebook …. everywhere.
I sought help with the NHS mental health service and am still, or again, on a waiting list. I wrote about it a few days ago.
I feel hopeless, don’t want to live anymore, feel like I killed people and can’t get them back to life. I pushed people away who truly tried to help. The fear to be abandoned again like I was when my brother died and stuff that happened when my dad died …
I truly have tried to get professional help and know that friends cannot and should not carry this. I was left alone early on and lost hope that I find help. My mum is the only family I have left and I’m losing her.
I am so sorry to all people that I hurt. I have no excuse, especially those who truly tried to help. I lost so many people by my actions that I don’t know how to overcome this. But I want to thank all who were kind and helpful, and I wish I could make good again.
To anyone who has friends who have lost someone, please don’t leave them alone! Please don’t abandon them. I NOW deserve to be abandoned because of my continued action. But early in my grief I did NOT deserve it! I was lost. Now I deserve it and I take 150% responsibility.
I share a little bit on a BBC call-in early morning on Christmas Day 2019. Please all stay safe, and take care of each other.
BBC radio call-in to Dotun Adebayo Show 25th Dec. 2019:
I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening. Interview:
I have no excuse to lash out at times like I did, drunk or not, it’s no excuse.
Be perplexed, shocked, annoyed with me, be angry with me, but do not judge me.
Turn your back, walk away, close your eyes, block me, report me, cuss me out, but don’t judge me.
I’ve come out of an emotional and mental hell that is stuff for a shooting spree.
I just write intensely, survived by speaking out loud and detailed.
Don’t judge me.
I’ve been bullied, abandoned, blamed during the worst time of my life. I still blame myself for things that happened during that time. Stop judging me!
I’ve been on yearlong waiting-lists for therapy. Don’t judge me.
I turned away from the Christian belief. No, don’t judge me.
I’m a mess. Just don’t judge me.
My healing way is complicated. Do not judge me.
I dig deep for my dignity, I left it on the way somewhere and judged myself.
Don’t judge me.
Be annoyed, angry, be tired of me, but do not judge me.
— poetrasblok.com
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The above slideshow is just a selection, the list goes on in → Pret Staff Complaints (needs updating).
And extensive accounts of Pret’s systemic bullying behind the facade, also witnessed by customers: Caught in the Act at Pret.
I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review: 1. “Late Night Girl’s” Story with Pret and 2. Pushing Back Against Pret.
Thank you for reading/listening.
When I learned of my brother’s death, not only that he was dead, but already cremated and we didn’t know for 5 weeks that he was dead and gone, I went into a state of shock I am just now after almost 5 years coming out of slowly.
Those who know my story, also know that Pret A Manger, the company I worked for 7 years at the time, bullied me and under the watchful eye of HR very quickly tried to get me out of Pret.
Because I fought and kept standing up, Pret searched and found a way to gaslight me and finally get rid of me, as bereaved employees are an inconvenience for Pret, as they are for many profit-driven companies.
My full story is in the audio player interview at the bottom of this post.
But in all my shock, trauma and the complex turmoil I went into, I made the mistake most people make who’ve never encountered this kind of work situation: I kept giving Pret the benefit of the doubt. I’ve never experienced the type of toxic workplace, until I came to Pret. I blamed myself as I was also in deep shock over my brother’s death. A multi-million (by now billion) pound company that did not know, nor care what to do with me; a company that has the money and could get the resources to support an employee, especially a longstanding staff member with a good rapport at work. I even researched myself with ACAS and passed those resources on to Pret. Here I was, low-paid, bereaved, traumatized, in shock … and giving this rich company resources! Hello? But it took a deep, dark and long valley to finally wake up that Pret has no interest in truly helping people, but rather suck the life-blood out of them.
One of the many Tribunal cases Pret lost was after having fired a staff member, and the Judges ruled that Pret’s HR hearings are “fundamentally flawed” (I can verify that from experience) and further said, quote:
»We conclude that the respondent did not carry out as much investigation as was reasonable in all circumstances of the case … The respondent is a large sophisticated employer and there was no reason put forward why it failed to comply with the Code.« Tribunal ruling at the bottom of page 11 (at 15 and check mark)
And there are many, many other things Pret does which cannot be excused as they are this “large sophisticated” employer. And staff will always speak bluntly in anonymity and there is a reason why Pret and its leadership have such poor scores on Glassdoor & Co, and the legacy Clive Schlee, now former CEO leaves behind, with the new CEO Pano Christou not being better under private equity greed.
I collected a lot of staff reviews on the bullying culture in Pret and added screenshots with links, so that people don’t just need to take my word for it. I also continue to ask for independent investigation into Pret staff suicides, having survived myself.Link to staff reviewson the bullying environment including in head office.
But on helping the helpless, which often is the opposite of help, hence the “help less the helpless” wordplay, I want to briefly give some tips to people who care but don’t know what to do.
This is about help for people who suffer trauma, become bereaved, receive terrible health news, victims of crime and any other traumatic event that pulls the rug from under their feet.
I have had all the types of reactions we all experience in our lives when we go through painful times. And these painful times can also be divorce, separation, job loss, loss of status or reputation, or even that you are a teenager with lots of friends and your parents move you across the country to another state where you don’t know anybody! That will be grief as well! And the heavy events like trauma, accidents, victims of crime, grief etc.
Apart from the bullying from Pret that I write extensively about, I want to concentrate on two types of people. The one type are the people that are friends, colleagues, strangers, even healthcare professionals who turn their backs on you when you go through immense trauma. The people who feel helpless or even don’t care and you see a big dust cloud behind them.
The other type of people are those who care and who want to help, but they don’t know how. To these latter people I am writing.
One of the common things a bereaved or traumatized person hears from well-meaning people is: “If you need anything, let me know” or “Call me anytime if I can do something” or “I’m here for you”.
Those are truly well-meaning words, especially when they are authentic and people really want to help. The difficulty with this is, that the person who just got their rug pulled from under them does not know what help they need nor want. And if they know, they are too concerned to be a burden to ask for help.
I went through it all. I didn’t know and then didn’t ask for help, especially at the beginning. Other times I was so in pain and grief that I screamed out, and still do today at times. Other times I was angry and pushed people away because of the bullying in Pret on one side and being abandoned by friends on the other side. I couldn’t see straight ahead anymore nor distinguish real helpers from those who tricked me (again, my story in below audio player).
And those I pushed away or lashed out in anger, when they withdrew it’s completely understandable. I don’t blame those who tried to help and want to protect themselves from my anger.
I have also painfully found that some people just “offer” vague help like, “If you need anything, let me know…” and when I couldn’t verbalize what I needed because I was too broken, those people then would say things like, “Well, I offered help, but you didn’t take it” – (typical Pret response after I reached out for a year and Pret then started with support to just cover themselves).
If you want to help a friend or colleague who is suddenly thrust into loss, devastating health issues etc., the number one ingredient is: Do NOT be afraid!
I don’t consider myself a Believer anymore, not because I lost my brother or was bullied at work during the worst time of my life, I know bad stuff happens and will happen to all of us. But I lost my belief because those who claim to know God showed me that there cannot be a God. And no, if you are a Believer, don’t make it too easy on yourself by giving the usual one-size-fits all answer “trust only in God and not in people” bla bla! And the usual “we pray for you” bla bla. Yes, go away, pray and bla, and leave me the hell alone!
But I have studied the Bible for years, and I do say, that a lot of the verses in the Bible make much more sense now after having gone through my own darkest and scariest valley. One such verse is: »There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.« – 1 John 4:18 (NIV)
Of course I cannot compare a “love” for ones own child to the love towards a friend or colleague. And yes, I know the difference between eros, phileo and agape and all the other types of “love”. But to zoom in on what I mean, any good parent knows that they would go through fire if they have to save their child from pain or harm. When you love someone and you see them in pain or danger, you forget fear, fear doesn’t exist, you are only focused on getting some kind of relieve for that person. In a bereaved person, not getting a solution or answer to their loss, but some tiny bit of relieve of the chaos and utter darkness. In Biblical terms, the famous cold cup of fresh water to a burning soul (Mt. 10:42).
This reminds me of a nurse in A&E (ER), when I dragged myself early one morning during a panic attack, thinking I’m having a heart attack. My heart was racing and my chest felt like a balloon that was filling up with water, about to burst. After registering with a nurse, she pointed me to a seat to wait. She was kind, but as a nurse I was gobsmacked when she offered me coffee!!!! In disbelief I mumbled to her, “My heart is racing and you want to give me caffeine???” She quietly went and brought me some water. I felt ashamed to have had an expectation that a nurse should be aware of these things.
That is why I am weary of “friends” who claim to care or love, because the next moment they blame me for being distraught, helpless and angry. And if anyone who claims to be a friend is afraid of me, then they never knew me. I don’t fear people anymore after what I’ve been through, but if I do fear someone from time to time, then only because I don’t know them.
Since my brother died and then my father and the chain reaction of losses that death sparks, I love Elephants!
I have always loved these gentle giants, but now even more learning how they grieve, how they come together to help a fellow Elephant, very actively, very passionately. They also help a weak Elephant that got in trouble. In the first video though, I wish they would have either put a different song and raised the volume of the moderator, or not put any music at all and maybe try and get the Elephant sounds if there were any.
But Elephants are “hands-on” in their grief and investigating!
This second video is precious!
This third video is heart-breaking but incredible where Elephants desperately try to help a dying calf, trying to lift it up again and again. This will break your heart, but please watch this! At around 1:05 minutes when one Elephant gently puts its left leg on the little one, as if to feel if it’s still alive or to give it a warm touch to not give up! So heartbreaking! The commentator sounds Swiss and I can pick up her saying “the elephant is still alive, but it doesn’t get up…”
I can’t help but always emphasize how we human beings SUCK at grief, how we suck at helping others, and how we suck at letting others grieve! We humans have all the technology, knowledge, even money, but we often turn our back and in Pret’s case, even step on bereaved and sick people! I was STEPPED on in Pret when I was already on the ground! We can learn from animals like these grey, dry, thick-skinned, sensible and sensitive giants!
But to lift everyone’s spirits again, even the birth of an Elephant is a community effort and event!
So, I want to give some bullet points of how meaningful and effective help and support can look like. Keep in mind this may vary from person to person, but I found that a few similar things seem to help most people. MISTAKES allowed! But no blaming of the person who is paralyzed in grief and trauma! Don’t even dare to blame the person! You better run away with a big dust cloud behind you, then to blame the traumatized person!
ASK questions, DON’T make assumptions! Don’t give bullshit solutions as to why someone’s loved-one died if you don’t know. Rather ask what may have happened. For example, when we learned of my brother’s death we had no cause of death, not even an autopsy, no answers. Bad scenario: In the early days when I flew back and forth from London to Germany to run errands and support my family, my mum one time was extra distraught and silent. I asked her what’s going on and she said that an acquaintance of hers said to my mum that my brother probably ended his life, suicide. I became so angry and told my mum to not listen to people who make assumptions that the police didn’t confirm. Good scenario: One person who supported me early on (the ONLY line manager to support me) took me out for a drink on the second day of having met me to just speak, and she inquired about my brother. She ASKED a question after listening to what happened: “Do you think he got murdered?” For some this very direct question seems shocking, but for me it was okay, because it was a QUESTION, not an assumption! And it was a direct question that didn’t talk around the bush. Other good and safe questions, if you don’t want to be as direct can also be “What do you think happened?” … “Did anyone else say/see/hear anything…?” Neutral questions… you can never be wrong with honest QUESTIONS, but you can almost always be wrong with assumptions!
Don’t offer vague help like I mentioned above, “If you need anything, call me” etc. Tell the person what kind of help you can give. Be specific!
– If you know legal help, tell them, “If you need legal help, I know an organization, a website, a person etc. that can give good advise.”
– If you love cooking, offer the person food, and plainly cook for them, bring it over EVEN if they lost appetite. I worked in Pret, surrounded by free food every day, but I lost 35kg (25kg in the first 6 months of bereavement). My friends were just amazed at my rapid weight loss, but no-one was alarmed. My fridge was empty, not because I had no money for food, and I certainly had an abundant amount of FREE food at work, but I was exhausted, traumatized to go shopping. My fridge was empty. On my free days I couldn’t go shopping or cook! I was paralyzed in grief and shock. Cooking a meal for a bereaved person, or inviting them to a meal with friends has more to do with not leaving that person alone and having fellowship rather than just eat. A bereaved person WILL say no to invitations, but keep inviting them, keep bringing food unless they make it VERY clear that they do not wish for you to bring any more food etc. The more vague and chaotic the traumatized person is, the more specific and consistent you need to be. The traumatized, bereaved etc. person is on a free-fall without the bottom in sight. Those who are in a good place mentally can bring stability within a hurricane.
– Offer to clean their house if you see that their surroundings become unusually chaotic, anything out of the ordinary, again offer stability and NORMALCY as best as possible. In 2015 I only cleaned my apartment 3 times, whereas before I cleaned my floors every 2 weeks at least (I don’t wear shoes at home to avoid the dirt from outside, keeping the apartment longer clean). I am known for being very clean and tidy, but that year especially you could SMELL the dust in my apartment! You could literally smell dust and see the footprints like in the snow! But those who came by, either didn’t notice or didn’t know what to do. If you are a good friend and know the person well, just grab a broom or the vacuum cleaner, offer them to walk their dog or babysit their children, especially when they need to run errands and have to work.
– Offer other bureaucratic help where they are overwhelmed with the paper work that accumulates when you lose someone.
– Anything you can help with, even the smallest of support, a listening ear, BE SPECIFIC in which area you can help, but be realistic in what you know you can do. Don’t promise something you can’t live up to, don’t say to call you anytime and then get upset when your phone rings at 10pm on Sunday evening. Switch the “If you need any help, call me” to “I can help you with such-and-such, do you want me to look into this? It’s very easy for me as I know this area very well…” etc. If the traumatized or bereaved person senses that this is NO problem for you to do, they will feel much more comfortable to accept help and ask for it.
Longevity: Do NOT give up. If the bereaved or traumatized person says “no” to an invitation to a Christmas dinner or other support you are specific about, don’t assume they say “no” to next year’s Christmas dinner or birthday party etc. And if they say “no” to the second Christmas dinner, ask them for the third year again, especially if before their loss you celebrated Christmas or Birthdays together every year.
DON’T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL!!! You are dealing with a person who lost someone, or experienced a traumatic event like rape, a criminal offense, break-in, robbery, injury, grief etc. Trauma is messy and there will be incidences where the person may lash out. This is no excuse and it is okay to tell the person that this hurts you, and to withdraw. But if you know the person usually to not lash out, it’s an indication that they are in a terrible place they don’t know how to get out of.
Avoid saying things like “You need a therapist”… I was told this many times by friends and strangers, but they told me this in their own anger. And many again did NOT ask questions. If they would have asked if I sought help, they’d know that I went through a dozen counselors since my brother died, but even 5 years later I still haven’t received a diagnosis and because I cannot afford a trauma specialist, I am being passed on from counselor to counselor, many of whom were in training. In England it is not that simple to get help for mental health. Anyone who’s been through this will know.
RESEARCH for professional help. If your friend has been raped or robbed or bereaved… research those events for help. But keep an open mind as every person is different and grieves differently. Don’t give solutions or answers to their grief, but support and practical help surrounding all the things that loss brings.
The main important thing, DON’T give up, don’t abandon your friend. Yes, withdraw for a while to refuel or protect yourself, pass on the baton to other friends who may have more strength. But if this is your friend, don’t give up.
There are countless other things that can be added, especially from an individual, subjective point of view, but the above I find are a core list of support. I am looking into research of different cultures, how they deal with trauma, grief, death, illness etc. I am aware that I live in the “wrong” society, where individualism is a big one, and most don’t know what to do with the subject of death and grief and tragedy in general.
Grieving parents Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds who lost their 22 year old son Joshua in an accident on a trip in Vietnam, started The Good Grief Project to openly work through their loss and also help other parents through their grief. They make documentaries with and for other grieving parents to start the conversation about death and grief. They work to raise the subject out of the taboo realm.
In 2018 they toured the UK with their film “A Love that Never Dies” and did Q&A at the end of each screening. At the London screening, Jimmy Edmonds said in the Q&A, that in Victorian times people openly spoke about death and grieving. But it was taboo to speak about sex. And today it’s the complete opposite. And I agree, I am really tired of being thrown images and comments about sex in its most detailed form, in its most intimate acts people so flippingly share today with the whole world! Yet, the very subject we all face at any moment: death, dying, grief, loss, we avoid like the pest! We silence death to death!
Let’s talk about sex death, baby!
In memory of my big brother Thomas.
I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review: 1. “Late Night Girl’s” Story with Pret and 2. Pushing Back Against Pret.
Thank you for reading/listening.
I wasn’t a fan of Ricky Gervais. I know he must be funny because he’s big in Hollywood, and I am German, I don’t have humour! I am more a Robin Williams person, or Russell Brand with his fast brain, thinking around 7 corners at the same time, and yet bringing it all together to make sense, sort of…
But what is it with comedians that portray serious and devastating life issues with such conviction?! Sure, isn’t it always the Clown who in reality suffers depression, is suicidal and may be shy in real life? It certainly takes a sensitive person who experienced life in the different facets. Or if personal loss hasn’t graced them yet, observe closely and understand pain even without having to suffer that particular pain. Clowns who can interpret life from all angles in order to be funny and believable!
And it always fascinates me how humans work. I get blocked on Twitter of course, due to my Pret rants. I do these “drive-by” Tweets where someone comments on Pret. And as fast as I drop into the conversation, I drop out again. I do this, because time is short and conversations keep going on. Silly, I know! But I’m like a politician who’s going from door to door knocking. I’m not running for an office, I run an online-marathon of raising awareness of Pret A Manger where two customer deaths were not acted upon until they became public, and where I ask for independent investigations into staff deaths including suicides. How people “vote” in their decision on what they learn, is up to them.
Sometimes the blocks are completely justified because I came across rude, certainly angry etc. Other times, actually the majority of the blocking, is due to simply how bold my Twitter profile is. At times I just “like” a Tweet and boom I get blocked, never having posted to or with the person. I bluntly mention in the few characters Twitter gives me that my brother died and I was bullied in Pret. I know, I know, a great downer from the get go!! What people don’t understand is, that I am not looking for friends or a following. I am very grateful for the support and the people who do follow, especially when they keep following even during my flip-outs! THOSE are the followers/friends/people I care to know. And the conversations that are happening in the background, positive or negative, people don’t see. Thank God!
At one time in a drunken stupor I blocked everyone, kicked all out, unblocked them again because it wasn’t against them personally, I was just overwhelmed with 30 followers that I didn’t even know! I had worse flip-out since my brother died and lost a lot of friends. But what always fascinates me is that some people who block me, because I am too blunt or loud about my story, these same “blockers” follow people like Ruby Wax, Russell Brand and famous people who have had horrific mental pain and/or a serious drug “career” behind them.
They’ve been to the bottom and back. And when they were unknown, I’m sure no-one would have wanted to be around them, let alone follow them on social media. But now, they’re millionaires and turned their trauma and healing into a career. Now they’re funny and they explain hell in a heavenly way! Death, grief, trauma, drug addiction is sanitized now. Now they are popular, it’s acceptable, even desirable to be “wacky”. We follow success. We don’t want to know the people WHILE they are in the mess! Just tell us how crazy you were in your past, we want to know once you are good again! Alright!?
So, I stumbled over this Netflix series with Ricky Gervais, who’s the brains behind, and all the main parts in it again. I saw this Tweet two days ago while I was searching hashtags. A bereaved mother mentioned Gervais’ “Afterlife” series under the #TraumaticGrief hashtag.
I don’t have Netflix anymore, as I unsubscribed from everything including Amazon. But the few snippets of this series are enough to be 1. devastated that it takes the film industry again to 2. understand what bereaved and traumatized people go through!! It takes a film again to show how torturous loss and grief is. No, it’s no excuse to be outrageously rude to people. It’s not about a license to offend, but it’s high time that the subject of grief, trauma, all the messy complications of it are talked about. People die by suicide. It’s called the “silent killer”.
“In 2017, 5,821 suicides were recorded in Great Britain. Of these, 75% were male and 25% were female.” – MentalHealth.org.uk
“Suicide is the single biggest killer of men aged under 45 in the UK.” – TheCalmZone.net
“In the UK, the highest suicide rate was for men aged 45-49.” – Samaritans
So, what does that mean, that we should go around offending people so we won’t kill ourselves? It’s not about a license, it’s about understanding how grief and trauma sometimes manifests. And even though “Afterlife” is dramatized and also polished up, the messiness isn’t as extreme as it is in real life, I understand that the subject has to be accessible for “regular” mortals. One step at a time! And even though I haven’t seen the whole season, I think Gervais succeeded here! And it took someone like Ricky Gervais to do this, so people feel “safe” to test the waters of what will come to all of us eventually.
In our society we push people back into the grief-closet! We love to look with pity on the grieving mother, as long as she’s nice and quiet, hidden away at home. We love her few, little, quiet tears. We offer to be there for her if she needs anything. And we damn right mean it! And she must be okay, because she never calls. And if she goes around offending people, well hell yeah, she’s a bad and rude person! She’s out of line! Get back in line! Get a grip lady! How dare she dump her pain on us! We have lives to live and kids to raise. Don’t bother us with death and grief!
What hit me most from roaming through the various “Afterlife” clips is the one thing that Ricky Gervais says, which was exactly how I felt. Ricky’s character lost his wife to breast cancer. His trauma and pain is so unbearable for him. He turns to cynicism, and it leads him to lash out at anyone with the vilest, darkest, yet colourful barrage of insults. I never used the F-Word until my brother died! I can relate! He offends anyone, except a fellow widow and his dad who suffers dementia. I can also relate. One of the things he says to his therapist in a nutshell is, that when everything fails, he still has his “superpower”, the option to end his life.
When I started publicly to name Pret A Manger and how Pret, under CEO Clive Schlee and their toxic HR department has bullied me during the darkest time of my life, I did with Plan B in mind. I had nothing to lose but life itself. And life that I have is no life. It’s just a blob of existence waiting to end. My full story in the interview at the bottom of this page, but Pret gaslighting me, communicated that my emailing was wrong. Yet, they were having a laugh and stepped all over me from the very top senior leaders using even HQ personnel. When I started naming Pret I was shaking in fear, but I didn’t care anymore. What Ricky Gervais called his “superpower” was my Plan B. I can always end it all and almost did in 2015/16…
I am not advising people to have this strategy for themselves in order to cope with grief, pain and trauma. But it was just how it was for me. And in “Afterlife” Gervais portrays this brilliantly! Everything has stopped for him. Nothing matters anymore. We might as well now do whatever comes to mind.
After having followed all the rules, paid our taxes, loved our closest ones, worked hard, played by the book… with all the imperfections and failings, it all didn’t mean anything in the end… Suicide is the last Superpower and control of a broken person who’s had the foundation underneath their feet pulled away from them!
And maybe sometimes it’s better to watch a film or series like “Afterlife” and scrap all the therapy business!
For anyone who is suicidal, or knows someone who is, and doesn’t feel life is worth living, if you are in or close to London UK, please check out these two charities that support people who are suicidal. They give one-on-one sustained support:
I can vouch for the Listening Place from own experience.
So, I have to find myself a way to view “Afterlife”. And I will NOT do a “viewer discretion advised” warning for the YouTube trailer here even though indirectly I just did! But we are not given permission, nor discretion advise when we are born. I had no “viewer discretion” when I received the message of my brother’s death AND cremation via email. I assume that no child under 18 is reading my blog, but if they do, welcome to my blog! Thanks for stopping by. For the rest, I know you Christians out there are big boys and girls, you can handle this.
Thank you Ricky Gervais and everyone involved in this, for your courage to take a shot at this taboo subject that is death, grief, trauma and all the mess of it.
If anyone has Netflix, please check this out. If it is as good as I subject it is, could you feedback? I won’t go back into subscribing to anything in the near future. I lean towards becoming an old woman planting trees.
I worked at Pret A Manger for almost 10 years and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote an article in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.
Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.
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I have been extremely angry for a long time now since my brother died and the mistreatment at work which added to so much turmoil and pain. I have reacted very badly in so many ways, had no tools to wiggle my way around trauma, the anxiety and subsequent illness I have found myself in.
But I want to be “sweeter” again like I used to write, encouraging people, but this time with a good pinch of salt and where needed some hot chili!
I cannot and don’t want to change other people who think it fit to mistreat vulnerable people. I certainly cannot and don’t want to change a multi-million pound company that is toxic and hurtful towards people who are traumatized. I can only change myself. I know that of course, but anyone who knows about excruciating emotional pain and loss knows that without wholesome navigation it is impossible to get through this emotional mine field alone. To get through this you will bump some fellow travelers on the road.
In my darkest time on my way to work I was sitting in the bus looking aimlessly and on autopilot out the window. I saw one of those cars that have the task to not only navigate oversized Trucks through the streets so they don’t bump into other vehicles and buildings, but to warn the traffic ahead that a “monster” is approaching and that they should steer safely along the way.
I thought figuratively speaking that I needed a car like this to navigate me and warn oncoming traffic that I am carrying a load in me that I cannot safely bring to wherever I was going. I had no vehicle like this. I bumped into others, some so hard their cars totaled, and they either steered away from me in fear or bumped into me in frustration and some frankly being pretty mean!
I wrote last night on this blog another angry message regarding Pret. I wrote that if I had to put into one word what Pret is to me, it would be the word: Arrogance. With that I meant a company that feels invincible to treat people so hurtfully and believe they get away with “murder” so-to-speak. I deleted that blog entry again because I never mean to offend or hurt others, no matter how big they are. And yet, my life is so out of sync and even this morning I woke up with an anxiety attack again. But I learned to ride those out as they don’t take long. But it makes me angry what I have become and have let others treat me so poorly.
I remembered a song yesterday that I heard years ago about what legacy we leave behind. My legacy for sure is messed up as this angry, crazy, ill, bonkers… fill-in-the-blanks… person. But one thing I will not be remembered for is that I step on people who suffer in whatever way or form they suffer. I may be remembered for having been insensitive, clumsy, hectic, loud, super angry… but not taking advantage of vulnerable people. And that “legacy” is enough for me.
If I can get back to the person who used to give people the benefit of a doubt and who was fast forgiving and moving on in life, I’d be in good shape. And if I can become like this vehicle here above, to help others who have a monstrous load on them, navigating them safely to their destination, I’d be in really good shape.
A good balance of self-care and care for others without burning out or breaking on the task to love myself as I love others, that’ll be grand! As my favourite poetess put it into better words:
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
— Emily Dickinson
I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.
Note: If you see this page on white background, but prefer to read on a green background, please delete amp/ in above url and reload. On green background comments at the very bottom will be visible compared to the white background page.
When customers who are so impressed with Pret because they only see the outside, the facade through the PR[et] machine, they ask Pret about these complaints and then are too easily sweet-talked into believing that this is just an unfortunate exception. But the truth will always come to the surface, no matter how long it takes.
I have chosen to do this public because I suffered so much and almost lost my life. I do this publicly for my own protection.
I wasted close to 10 years of my life in Pret! It is my biggest regret.
If you want to skip this long intro, scroll down until the redwriting, and below it click on any of the many staff complaints I linked from outside Employment Review websites.
This is one major reason, but not the only one why there are so many complaints: Bridgepoint Capital. With the new JAB takeover, it will get even worse unless Pret radically changes their approach to the work conditions, and a £1000 fix won’t do it in the long-run, it is just an incentive to lure new workers in and retain current staff.
In the end, when nothing worked to make me resign because my grief was in the way of Pret’s business and my suggestions to improve work conditions was an inconvenience. When nothing worked (bullying, threats, file notes…) Pret used a Development Manager from HQ who also is a Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner, both that can be very dangerous tools in manipulating people, and they used it well. This development manager supposedly lost her brother similarly to how I lost mine and that way they used her to get to me, stepping on her as well as my dignity.
On a side note, she is governed under this therapy body who have a commitment right on their front page that I have not seen on other therapy sites: “Our accredited Register status helps to ensure the safety and protection of the public.” I find this odd, as if they have therapists who are not working for the safety and protection of the public. This Development Manager who is also a Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner certainly is not adhering to safety and protection.
I became suicidal and ill. I was tricked and trapped again and again by management and HR, and my ill emailing out of trauma, having started to drink, I was fired while my father was in intensive care just out of a coma. I declined 4 settlement offers not signing anything and survived to speak of the ordeal I went through. This is Pret “doing the right thing naturally” as their HR department, and Pret in general claims.
I want to “let” others speak as well, complaints from even recently on employment review websites, YouTube, Twitter and other sites in the long list below.
Complaints from current and former staff members and managers, you can “blindly” click on ANY link below at RANDOM and it will read the SAME in a nutshell, at different times/years, from different positions: Discrimination, horrible, biased and incapable management, overworked, not paid for overtime, favouritism shown to own country-men etc…. Pret has extremely good PR in place and is sweet-talking their way out of this or post their “good deeds” online to cover up what really goes on behind the scenes, when customers contact Pret regarding these Staff Complaints.
The first person ever to stand up publicly against Pret’s terrible work-conditions wasAndrej Stopa. I am the second, and in time more people will stand up.
In my own way to cope with this be it sarcastically or with humour to get away from the seriousness and pain, I take a complaint from below’s list and put them daily as “Quotes of the Day” on my blog and collect them HERE, to stress the point how toxic Pret’s work environment is, and how it is hurting people hidden behind the shiny PR(et) facade.
NOTE:
Since I compiled all the staff complaints there seem to be quite a lot more “positive” reviews appearing, especially regarding “good” management and work environment. If there are fake news, I am not alleging anything, but there may be fake reviews! And also the Pret website as well as the CEO’s has as the main pinned Tweets the “good” deeds Pret & the CEO are doing, again excellent PR. There are good managers and good shops of course, but the management style in Pret to pressure for more profit, is poisoned throughout the company. And in time the truth will always come out. Knowing how Pret and their corrupt HR dept. manipulate, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone is tasked to write these reviews. In my 10 years in Pret I worked with over a dozen managers, and only 2 were decent, fair and caring, not to mention hard working. The majority I worked with are immature, discriminating, bullying, insecure, complacent and oftentimes incapable due to lack of training.
True reviews will always continue be written on the same lines of horrible and bullying management until this changes. Pret does annual staff questionnaires that are at times manipulated by management. So, I wouldn’t be surprised if some are leaving fake reviews.
One quote from a former barista in Pret NYC mentions that every shop they have worked in, it is the same story re: bad management, favouritism etc. And it really is, also in London, UK: “I worked in 4 different shops and the song and dance was the same in each one.”
Another review also from NY: “Every manager I have worked with – I have worked with 6 – will immediately try to belittle you. Not sure exactly why this is such a common practice among managers but it is an intrinsic behavior within the company …” And I can verify this even in London, and I have worked with more than a dozen managers! Only 2 of them were exceptional and good, but it is the sad exception even now in 2018 as my experience and the below reviews show.
On the subject of missing pay and overtime not being paid as I have experienced as well in 10 years countless times that I had to chase missing pay from managers. This was draining and a job in itself.
Pret staff in the UK and elsewhere should do the same as Pret staff in the USA have done, go to court to reclaim missing pay: Pret A Manger settles overtime wage claims of 4000 employees!
You can click on ANY of the below reviews and read the same in a nutshell: bullying, discriminating management, over worked, missing pay, discrimination etc.
I did not correct any mistakes in the below reviews to keep it in their own words.
Start of the long list of staff complaints / reviews:
Get ready to lick so many a***es to advance Dear Lord, protect me from ever need to work for Pret a Manger ever again. Amen. For this company you are numbers, robots, machines, you are no humans.
NEW 01. Nov. 2018 NY “horrible management … management is disrespectful, they fire people when they are having rough times in life even if they talk to a manager about it , i was penalized for calling out for a funeral.”
NEW 30. Oct. 2018 NY “Go back to the UK, Pret … I have never worked in such a toxic, unprofessional corporate environment. Employees relocating from UK were given preferential treatment, better salaries for equal experience…
Review on YouTube towards the bottom beginning of July 2018 from RPQ who now changed the name to Branzinotito, quote: “I used to work for Pret. What a truly brutal nightmare is was. Horrible company.”
Same comment, new name:
“I am an ex GM. I walked out last yearas I couldn’t take the way we had to treat TMs to achieve ever increasing demands for profit and efficiencies.” (Full review in the picture below.)
The “certain venture capitalist firm” this Ex-GM is talking about is Bridgepoint who set the immense target since the 2008 purchase of increasing shops by 15% per year and were set to make a seven times return on their investment in 2018. It is “deal hungry” JAB’s turn now to take the baton from Bridgepoint and squeeze even further the life out of staff. Good luck Pret employees!
My initial comments to James Hoffmann’s video and his response, which are still not released but only visible when I am logged in to my YT account. I wrote an Open Letter to James Hoffmann because my comments weren’t visible, otherwise I wouldn’t have written one. He still hasn’t responded and just briefly recognized it via Twitter, as I have a hunch that he might have contacted or has been contacted by Pret who may have sweet-talked their way out of this again, as “PR”et is very efficient for the outside facade:
Unfairly dismissed Worker was unfairly dismissed, became homeless, lost his relationship, slept in his car for a few weeks.
A review regarding Pret’s Head Office from a former IT ANALYST!
Quote: “Manipulative and exploitative approach to employees as owners and senior management concerned about profit margin only. People are taken into account only if it makes good PR. Genuinely fake and dishonest company.”
“One of the oddest work experiences. Worked their during a transition period – so company going in one direction and then the opposite.”
Quote: “Every manager I have worked with – I have worked with 6 – will immediately try to belittle you. Not sure exactly why this is such a common practice among managers but it is an intrinsic behavior within the company…”
This, dear New York Employee, is because like you already mentioned that there is no training in leadership and employee relations. I have had over a dozen managers, and even more managers I’ve worked with when I helped out in other branches for a few days. In my 10 years in Pret there were only 2 of them that had people and leadership skills, one of which is this wonderful person, who’s also proven that a manager can be nice, hard working and still be really successful, as she was often at the top (#1, 2 etc.) out of all the shops.
Also, Pret pays a little more than the competition and gives incentives, more holiday, bits and pieces here and there, because if they won’t give more they would have no one wanting to work in Pret as Pret is just way too stressful and hard work. To me, the hard work was not so much the issue, the issue was the UNNECESSARY bullshit = bullying and discrimination. And for Pret to dare bully me while I was going through extreme trauma with the loss of my brother and all the tricks and traps I could not clearly see until later, you bet I will speak about this openly no matter what they come up with next.
A former Manager’s review:
“I am an ex GM [General Manager] … I walked out last year as I couldn’t take the way we had to treat TMs [Team Members] to achieve ever increasing demands for profit and efficiencies.”
From YouTube 2008 this was before Pret became increasingly and intensely bullying But it has always been difficult, but since the 2008 Bridgepoint takeover, it became more systemic bullying as Pret was tasked and pressured to open more and more shops fast on almost every corner in London at least. I won’t point out who, but in the video is one person I later worked with, who became a GM later (I worked with them when they were AM) and is one of the rare people/GMs being good to their TMs.
“The idea of proper training is also rediculous – Most people are taken in under promises (including being a front of house or kitchen person but then dumped where they are needed and not where they were promised) but find that often by day 2 or 3 are thrown on a bench on their own in the kitchen and nagged at due to not being fast enough and expected to reach TM* productivity levels within the first few weeks with hardly any proper training.”
Throughout all my time in Pret I have mentioned the lack of training again and again and again and did my utmost best to train my teams even though many of my managers tried to stop me because I was investing time in my teams, but managers wanted me and teams to just be busy on the tills and in the kitchen… Training hardly exists in Pret. Development Managers are just doing their 9-5, Mon – Fri job, not being bothered if what they train is even implemented in the shops! There is a huge chasm between HQ and shops, no matter how much “PR”et is trying to convince otherwise!
“I’ve learned a Lot!…” “Cons: In Spite of the wonderful Pros of this company, Your subjected to emotional blackmail and serious labor issues with Most shops being run by Unprofessional and Bias Managerial staff backed by a corrupted HR Dept. Advice to Management: The Core Values you instill in your Employees are Virtuous , And is the the secret to your success!…..On the Contrary, I strongly suggest a Labor Union! so employees that are treated unfair have a platform for their voice to be heard without resentment or the sinuous backlash from your Inadequate Managerial staff & Flout HR Dept.!!!! who support them.”
Pret A Manger Logo “If you want to work in a happy enviroment without being bullied then whatever you do DON’T work for Pret” “Being made to feel incompetent. Worked into the ground without empathy. Managers treat staff like idiots. The image of the happy enviroment is a joke. It would be good for the BBC or Dispatches to go under cover and work in a shop for a week to show the world what really goes on behind the scenes.” – Welcome to the Club and my website! You are not even safe when you grief the loss of a brother!
and replace them with more educating indiviuals and ones that dont discriminate … Nothing but aggravation and a discriminating HR” <– (This review is as recent as 12. June 2018! I have my own extensive experience with the Pret HR dept. as the Head of HR said that I “Exhausted the HR department”. Sorry about that @ Head of HR, but as a Tribunal Judge already ruled that your hearings are “fundamentally flawed” I can more than verify this after raising grievance after grievance that were NOT conducted fairly and impartially).
“Interesting comments. My husband now works for pret and is being treated so badly by his area manager. I am astounded that they can get away with it. It seemed like such a nice place to work but it’s like some kind of sect… ”
My response: they get away with it because it is systemic and they are trained to treat staff like this, for more and more profit.
— 4 months later: —
“Further to my previous comment [scrolling up above this review] about my husband having problems with his area manager. They stitched him up good and proper and fired him…this was done in such a way that they found a couple of things to hang him on which wouldn’t normally result in him being sacked. They clearly did all of this because he was going to put in a grievance against his area manager for bullying (he was talked out of this and thought it had all smoothed over) and then wham! The company disgusts me – how they could treat an employee with a wife and 2 small children like that I don’t know. The management of this company are pure evil.”
“Regarding the area manager, yeah they just sit on their fat bums all day, and email on their phones or look at stupid graphs. End of the day its about increasing sales, meeting targets and reducing labour. They will always cover there own backs first, to watch there bonuses, and not care about the workers.
Alot of managers i have met, are complete arrogant snobs, that know nothing about even running a store, yet alone trying to explain things to you, they sit on there high throne, and blah blah blah things.”
“Please get the bullies out” “Forced to work without pay, … bullying tactics used by Heads, unfair salaries, descrimination …
“The brainwash is real” “The coffee calling system is broken. During busy times it is nearly impossible to keep up with the orders without hating everyone around you. … managers/team leaders are not properly trained when it comes to simple communication. Especially towards female staff members. A lot of people cry in the staff room especially in their entry period. Advice to Management: Get some proper training regarding real people skills.” (Absolutely true!)
“… Team Leader … Every shop has less people than required as this affects shops profitability” True about the Mystery Shopper! But even if you do well with the Misery Shopper (yes MISERY Shopper!) as I did again and again for years, I never gotten rewarded other than the usual bonus, even during bereavement doing really well, no mention. But the moment a few points are lost, hell breaks loose!
“Very demanding … Nothing you do there is appreciated“ “… Horrible atmosphere and you feel too much pressure all the time. Advice to Management: Please treat employees as humans not as robots! It seems like you enjoy making people unhappy.“
“Not kitchen, food factory”“Not everybody has to be a leader who works long enough for Pret and shouts loud enough. Management should assess the personality, the leadership skills and the interpersonal skills before making someone a leader.”
“Horrible training, too many lies” “Training sucks, people are treated like crap. Upper management do not care about you, will never recommend this company. Bottom line as a British company they treat employees as machines, they don’t care about how they feel, expect too much for too little. Horrible environment. Advice to Management: Treat people with respect and appreciate their hard work. Stop using your British mentality when it comes to deal with people. You’re people are horrible at this.”
“Worst place..” “Advice to Management: Absolutely less stress and please cut the roles because looks to work like slaves. Terrible experience.”
“Worst first day experience” “Pros: Nothing at all….. Not even a 0.0005 star. …Lies about family team vibes… They don’t recruit you for your work ethic…”
“Worst company to work for” … managers are always working with fear … Advice to Management: Get back to basic, care about the team and always listen to the little people, also be open and get rid of some top management who are so corrupt.” (And I thought I was tough with my critique!)
“The worst job I’ve had in London”“the good payment is not enough for getting worse my health (my back and my heart). l am with anxiety all the time, working in a tiny kitchen in a HORRIBLE atmosphere!!” (Yes, I was bullied during bereavement and tricked and trapped via HR, high five!)
“I have asked for several transfers to other shopsdue to management. Either a manager was extremely “lazy”, un-supportive, but gave the team a hard time when things didn’t go well, or another manager was like a tyrant, constantly threatening the team & individuals with & giving file notes for the smallest things. Ops Managers either aren’t aware of it, mostly being concerned with mystery shopper results for their own bonuses or not bothering about how the team is “motivated”.”
“You are of course right, hiring happy people is only a part of the solution. If an employee is unhappy, and its affecting their work, ask them what’s up (gently).”
My response: I lost my brother and in my bereavement was NOT asked “gently” what’s up, I was bullied, targeted, tricked and trapped by Pret’s HR dept. to get me out and ultimately fired while my father was in intensive care, just out of a coma. So, here I am again having survived to tell my story as “gently” as possible collecting all these reviews from other sites.
Pret A M*ffin “…team member are over worked and managers are always working with fear … listen to the little people, also be open and get rid of some top management who are so corrupt”
Pret A Robot “People are treated inhuman way in terms of sickness and work load. Employees are being treated more like robots than human beings”
Pret A Joke “You have a limited time to do your job everyday but this time limit is a joke. they give me the next rota just the day before the week starts.”
Pret A Nothing “didn’t learn nothing as i have things to give to that shop as i came with lots of experience and skills.”
Red A Manager “their [managers] personality only is good for business, but not for the people that work under.”
Pret A Scream “One of the things that I absolutely hated about working at pret, was the fact that management wanted you to act like you were having fun and smile at all times.”
Pret A Manager “the staff are great the guys who do the real work. The management suck”
Pret A No Respetar “Los managers son penosos“, “un horror!!” “desastrosa” and “todo… no tiempo libre, no respeto..”
NOTE: I don’t agree with the racism here! But the trend of complaints about management and leadership should be clear.
“Hot Chef Advice to Management: Be human. It’s not your own business.”
My response: That’s what I said once to a line manager who told us leaders that if we don’t like it in “his” shop to f*** off, I replied that he is also only employed by Pret, he does not own “his” shop!
“Brain wash, Control, Never stop…” “Cons: Aggressive and mortify management, brainwashing, mobbing, after working hours NON PAID, if you don’t finish YOUR DUTIES you stay after the working hours non paid… Advice to Management: Respect people that work hard! Don’t exploit them!”
“Assistant Manager Respect yourself don’t let managers to overload you.”
My response: easily said when they immediately threaten with Note of Concerns, disciplinary and job security!
“…also has a motto: FIFO or Fit In or Fu*k Off. I always got the impression that Pret was actually a free-thinking company…but perhaps they are becoming too large too and need to do the conforming thing.”
“Overworked, High expectations, No recognition” “Manager at my shop treated everyone really poorly. Expect you to stay longer to complete your job for free when not enough time is given. Constantly missing hours from extra shifts taken. Have to ask every week to see if they have repaid those hours and in some cases takes months to chase back.”
“I regret working there (don’t go)” “Team Leader who was working with me during the weekends (I was a part timer) was very rude to me , calling me stupid etc. … And I also ”love” how the company itself tries so hard to create this friendly enviroment for the employers by putting these sweet posters around etc. etc. when in reality it is very miserable and stressfull place to work for ! … People working in your company are not robots with smiles on their faces 24/7 !!!”
“Good first job … as foreigner” “Often happen to work “unpaid” overtime to finish daily duties … Limited progression career if you’re not in the state of grace of the Head of your working Area … In many cases I’ve weighed up a big incompetence and lack of skills between Team Leader and Assistant Manager’s position.”
“Demanding. Can be fun” “High demands not in line with pay, lack of support, inconsistent training, stressful/poor work life balance”
“horrible management, super biased” “super biased managers most of the girls in my store are from the same place even the assistant manager and FOH so they tend to group together against people they don’t like even if they don’t know them. … make sure the store isn’t just a bunch of biased friends that if you aren’t part of their group they’ll make your life hell”
“Horrible experience” “Lack of communication b/t managers and staff. – Immature workers – Slave-like environment – Biased behavior – Too strict on simple task. Advice to Management: Work on communication and stop treating co-workers like robots.”
“Team Member” “my location had a rude manager who cleaned up her act after I tried relocating. There is no HR, just a recruitment team who will give you phone numbers to where you wanna go. Overworked for sure; management expects perfection for their weekly shopper. You’ll be running from the basement to the first floor, between tons of customers, and up to the second … ”
————————————————————————————————-
“The one thing that did frustrate me and ultimately caused me to leave was the way it dealt with the enthusiasm troughs. In fairness to Pret, I left 8 years ago; so this may have improved since but in my experience the company was not good at dealing with people’s frustrations. There was a strong message for people who were frustrated with something and couldn’t get it resolved – leave! I saw a number of people become shunned and passed over if they had feedback which wasn’t entirely positive. Often people left disgruntled having started out as the desirable happy employees. I suppose in someways it was a useful self selection process – when I became frustrated with a few things and felt threatened that my feedback would fall on highly judgemental ears I knew it was time to leave – leaving the happy people behind me. ”
My response to this review: This person left in 2008 out of frustration, I started in Pret in 2008 and can only say in all fairness to Pret, that it gotten worse.
“Great company, but will take advantage” “Rude young team members and too many managers in 1 store. Advice to Management: Cut back on all the chiefs we need more indians” – My speech for 10 years!
“Team Member” “Multiple Supervisor – Confusing Leadership … Lack of leadership … Add some structure & look for ways to encourage workers to work hard and have fun without risking their jobs”
“General Manager” “Very racist upper management. They make you work 60 hours per week and they don’t pay you for it (just basic salary). They don’t appreciate your work no matter how good you are. Tendency to promote british managers than american ones. Advice to Management: Open your mind towards american managers. stop racism that is happening to workers. Get involved with the employees and don’t let the operational managers act as they own the people.”
“cashier / hot chef” “Some managers are very anal! The customer is more important then workers. Advice to Management: Listen to your employers suggestions!!” – (I think they meant “employees”)
“Great things preacherd, not always practiced” ” If you are a Pret Person, quirky, and in with the right crowd, you’re golden. If not….good luck. Pompous and thinks too highly of itself.”
“Pressure is crazy especially if you work in the kitchen. … Paperwork is excessive at times. Advice to Management: Reward those who work hard for you and give them a raise. Catch them doing the right thing and praise, and dont just discipline the bad”
“team member” “stressful environment, too many people trying to overpower others. Advice to Management: think like a team member and your key roles to understand success of the team”
“just terrible” “Discriminatory management. Unprofessional atmosphere … Abusive staff. Don’t just promote the people that you like, promote the people that are the most qualified.”
“working at pret” “Lack of accountability … poor management.” (Absolutely!!!)
“Long hours, unrealistic expectations…” “Unrealistic targets, little support, long hours. Advice to Management: Stop changing everything all the time with poor execution”
“Terrible experience…”“Cons: Pretty much everything is a con: -lots of stress -under payed -long hours/ short brakes -terrible management -really unflexible schedule.”
“Spoiled, selfish upper management…” “upper management thinks they are better than everyone else. They spend (waste) lots of money on dinners for themselves and “leadership conferences” that are really just excuses to party in Orlando or Vegas. “Business” trips to Boston and Chicago are really expensed vacations for their families. The Brits have taken over NYC. Pret has brought over many managers and leaders form the UK and ‘beheaded’ many of the US employees who built the brand to make room for them. Advice to Management:get over yourselves.”
I will shorten the comments now as this is never ending… Links can just be clicked and read….
In an Imaginary but Honest Interview with Pret I made up the acronym of what Pret stands for: PRET is a four letter F-Word spelled F E A R which stands for: Fire Early At Request. Or one can say Fret.
@Pret, at any company, please treat your people right, as a team leader I have shown you that when you treat your team right, you will still be successful and the money comes in and the team feels truly respected. You don’t want people like me who raise the standard while still treating the team good. I was too loud for you, and yet, if you would have protected me in the darkest time instead of continuing to put me under suppressive management, I would be writing a completely different blog now.
Thank you for reading.
Kind regards,
I take back what I wrote at the end of this “video” that Pret has a “good” heart after what I’ve been through and the customers’ deaths, but I leave the “video” as a reminder of Pret’s “legacy” with what I went through and the above list of staff complaints.
I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.
I received a Whatsapp from my aunt informing me that my dad was admitted into hospital. She said that he is conscious and in stable condition, but no other info.
I answered and the first thing I told her was to not give me any bad news, especially a death message via text. Please.
Call me.
She and her husband found my dad in his flat on the floor. He was conscious, but struggling to breathe and not able to respond or talk. He was lying on his stomach which saved him from suffocating, because he had vomited.
On the 11th of November I flew over. When I arrived in hospital, he was already in a coma.
The doctors only knew at this point that his sugar levels were too high. Nothing else.
For three weeks I stood by his side, extended my holiday, while they tried to get him out of the coma again. After three weeks he finally woke up. I was there when he woke up. I was there when he spoke again. I was there when they put him in a chair.
Only when he was awake again was it possible for the computer scan to properly read the brain cells, as the scan cannot read well when the brain is “shut down” sleeping. Only while awake could it be seen that he had a stroke. He survived for approx. 1 to 2 days in his flat. We only estimated from the time a neighbour saw him last on a Wednesday afternoon and to the time he was found on late Friday morning. He was only found because he didn’t turn up to the weekly lunch with my aunt on Thursdays 1pm. He didn’t pick up his phone when they called and just thought he forgot and is out and about as he was really active, visiting people and places with the train. He must have at least laid on his floor 21-24 hours minimum.
It was devastating to see his corrosive wounds in hospital, where parts on his body, the skin was black from the acid body fluids. His ring and small finger on his right hand was almost completely black like a coal in a fire, as his stomach was laying on his right hand when he landed on the floor, stopping oxygen to get through to his arm and hand. I worried if it would need to be amputated and was about to beg the doctors to please not haste with any decision. But the doctors calmed my hysteria and said, “Let’s see first how it heals”. I always thought that doctors are quick to cut and snip snap chop away anything that seems to be irreversibly “kaputt”. And indeed, fortunately after a few months it mostly healed and only fainted shades on the skin were visible. His small finger was the last visible wound in the end that only needed a tiny plaster on the fingertip. It is amazing how the human body is capable to heal with time.
But It was the first time ever that my father was in hospital. He never had to be operated on or needed to be in hospital. Just the usual GP visits. A very strong person. I expected him to throw fits, as he was so independent all of his life and had a very strong will and opinions. But to my surprise I saw a side of him I never knew existed. He cooperated in everything so unbelievably well unlike my mum, who was in hospital just 3 months before, having had a scary operation on the spine. I was already on a roll of flying back and forth between London and German hospitals and rehabs. My dad of course was complaining at times, but he also was joking around with the nurses and doctors. He surprised me. But it made the whole ordeal more bearable and I regained strength during really dark periods of downward fear and renewed anger, as I was in the process of losing my job in the midst of this nightmare.
I flew back and forth to work and in-between I lost my job as I got fired because of my mentally ill emailing. I was already informed while I was at my father’s bedside, that there is an ongoing investigation because my emailing increased, which I explain in another post why it increased. I received a disciplinary from a develop manager who supposedly lost her brother similarly to mine. She then entered into secret, solely electronic communication for which she disciplined me in the first place, making the disciplinary not valid. Pret tricked me again with this. But this crossed a line that lead me to speak openly now.
The HR department got me fired three days after Christmas and shortly after my father woke up from the coma. I used all the money they paid me out, to fly back and forth to look after my dad and his affairs as well as for a job back in London. It was like a repeat with my brother, but this time I had the chance to see my father alive. It was also a repeat from months before when my mum was in hospital. She had an OP in September a day after her birthday. I saw my dad only once then for lunch at my aunt’s house, because I spent every day in hospital and in rehab with my mum, and running errands for her. So, I was on a roll and here again I flew back and forth to be with him and run errands for him and also take care of some things for my mother. It was hard on her seeing me like this, and she didn’t know what to do. She was hard with me after her OP in September, she was so tough that I wanted to withdraw from her. I learned later that some people, especially when they are older, become rude and angry after a major operation.
My mother who is usually meek and helpful in her own way became angry, while my father who is usually strong willed and angry became softer after his stroke and coma. You just never know how people react after a major event in their lives with all the trauma and also the chemicals in the brain affecting their conduct. Makes me feel sorry for all the folk who had to deal with my trauma after my brother died and the bullying at work on top of it. It also makes me worry for any persons when I am of age in hospital or a care home. I’m trying to plan ahead to not give people a hard time. But this unfortunately cannot be predicted.
My father has died now, five days after I visited him last and four days after I last spoke with him on the phone from London. When I was back home I’d call him every day, at times he was in therapy, and other times I was able to speak with him and hear about his progress. I saw his progress, but it was a constant up and down. After rehab he was taken to a dementia ward closer to the town where he lived, so that relatives would be able to be with him more often. But 2 days after I left him to fly back to London for my job-search even though I felt incapable to work, they admitted him back into hospital as his health suddenly took a nose dive. Confused about this, because he seemed to make progress again, I immediately booked a flight after just having arrived home 2 days before. But I sensed it was important to be with him for at least one week.
I had everything booked, flights, a hotel room that was really cheap on the hospital grounds they have for family members who live far away. I managed to get a whole week after first being told that everything is booked out. But I persisted and contacted other administrators and any number I could find on their website in connection with booking a room. And suddenly I got a room for the whole week. I planned to be with him, but this time without driving back and forth between hospital and his flat to organize and bring him things. I also planned to not see my mum, as I wanted to be with my father 24/7 so-to-speak. But it was not meant to be. He decided almost 2 days before I’d arrive to call it a day. He knew when I was coming if he hasn’t forgotten it, because I asked the nurse to always greet him, letting him know that I called and have an eye on him. And this time I asked to please tell him that I will be there on Wednesday. But from Sunday to Monday night he might have thought that it wasn’t a good idea for me to see him like this any longer.
I never ever let my dad know that I was fired while he was in intensive care, and that I was bullied during grief after my brother died. I cheered him up. We laughed at times and he told me a lot about his life and his dad, his train collection and his work as a student. He could not tell me anything regarding recent years, but he remembered things from decades ago. And he remembered correctly, because I knew these stories from childhood on. But recent events were hard to recollect for him. A typical thing with dementia. He kept telling me about his VW Beagle “downstairs”. I never knew he had a Beagle, must have been from his student days. I asked him surprised, “You had a Beagle?” as I love Beagles and drove one from a friend when I lived in the U.S. for a while. He insisted that he needs to get the keys for his Beagle downstairs. I stopped correcting him and just entered into his world and said, that we first need to make sure that he gets back up on his feet, and then we’ll go and travel. He loved to travel by train. He nodded and agreed. And then the Beagle story was done for a while until next time when he talked about his Beagle again.
After he died and I had to clear out his flat and took with me the most precious items like papers, photos etc. I found one picture which must have been the car from his father, my grandfather. I was never able to find out whose Beagle this was. And I wish this photo could be turned into its original colour as my father spoke about his “green” Beagle. Unless he mixed it up with the later cars we had in our family, they were always from Opel, or as it is known in the UK as Vauxhall. I grew up with only 3 cars we had, always from Opel. The last two cars were both green.
After a minor accident to the right rear side, the repaired door still needed to be painted green.
As green happens to be my favourite colour, my father either just imagined his or his dad’s VW Beagle to have been green, or this choice of colour for a car really ran in the family with family cars all having been green. In hindsight, I never knew what my dad’s favourite colour was. I’ll make it a “mission” to ask my mum, and also what her favourite colour is and any little detail like that…
A week before he died he tried to walk again. He was at times so strangely lively, while at other times just nodding off all day. But physio therapy is hard work. I just entered into his world and adjusted to his version of happenings and agreed that I’ll keep an eye on his VW Beagle downstairs.
But his last week I was able to hold him up while he walked a few steps. He just suddenly had this urge to walk. He got up from his wheelchair in which he would drive himself around the ward. He would do something with his hands like he was holding something, but he could never explain what he was doing when I asked him what he is holding in his hands. One time when I asked him if he was holding a thread or cord, as it looked like he was organizing some shoe laces or a thread that gotten tangled up in knots. One time he answered that he was doing “Kleinkram” meaning “small stuff” or bits and pieces. Painfully perplexed at his delusional hand gestures, I noticed very quickly with the other dementia patients, that this seems a common thing that a person with dementia does. While my dad was still in rehab and I’d see him do this for the first time and I pointed it out to a nurse, who was equally perplexed, I got scared. But seeing this later with some of the other people with dementia, I quickly relaxed and just went along with it.
He just got up from his wheelchair holding himself up by the railing, with me supporting him to not fall over. He then gave me something, whatever imaginary item he was holding, he handed it to me to hold it for him as he tried to hold on with both hands to the railing. I just took this “thing” and said to him “Dad, I’m just gonna put this down on this chair here, so my hands are free to hold you up, so we can walk a little bit.” He said, “Ok”, and then we walked a few steps before he sat back into his wheelchair exhausted.
This time was the most traumatic and also most important time to be with him. To see him so weak and broken, and to speak with him, even though his dementia made it painful as well as funny sometimes, in-between the clear sentences. He had to laugh about his own words sometimes when he had clear moments and looked confused why he said something weird. But I was able to make my peace for difficult times when I grew up. I was able to say my silent goodbyes, while giving him whatever family he had left by his side. It was important. I was never able to say goodbye to my brother as the police just cremated him without finding us first. German efficiency, hey!
Some of the things my father would say, it was clear he felt he was near the end of his life, so I just spent a lot of time just letting him speak about the past as he couldn’t remember yesterday, but he remembered 50 years ago. At times he would gesture with his hand in front of his face, moving to the left and right and say, “I’ve become nuts.” And I’d say, “No dad, you had a stroke, you were in a coma and are receiving lots of medication. It is normal to be mixed up and forget things and in your age it is normal to be somewhat forgetful.” He seemed to relax and continued to talk about his youth. He had some dementia already before the stroke, but it really became worse after it.
So I wanting to spend more time with him when I booked everything after he was admitted again into hospital. I wanted to be there again, without leaving his side to run errands or visit my mum in another town. Maybe I sensed this would be my final visit.
I buried him close to my brother.
I still cannot work or function well after these three years.
I can only say that Pret A Manger is not a place to work for, I wasted 10 years of hard work and loyalty. They’ve hurt me. Pret is not concerned for their workforce. They are just interested in the money coming in, no matter about the cost in the health of their workforce. They don’t care if people are bereaved, ill or their family is in hospital. If they can get rid of any “inconvenient” employee, they will find a way.
The care that is in place is just to cover themselves. I was too loud, tried too hard and made too many mistakes. But I survived and aim to live to keep telling my story.
In memory of my father.
Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.
That never wrote to me,–
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.
Her message is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me”
— Emily Dickinson
Dear World,
if you read through this weird and crazy blog and website, I am still in the period of “peace before the storm”, as a powerful company will try one last time to crush me.
I wish I could say that I am healed and moved on, and my blog here isn’t as much with “tender majesty” as I would have hoped to write. But the pain and trauma I still go through seems too grave to recover from. I had often had two choices for my life, I either end my life or openly write down my story, or both.
But I have abandoned the thought of suicide, as this would not help anyone. Half my family is gone, I don’t need to put more grief on whoever is left. And my friends who helped and supported me as best as they could, I couldn’t do that to them. That wouldn’t be fair on them. And I decided no matter what they do to me, no matter how huge the pain and panic attacks and hopelessness, my life is in God’s hands and I want to learn to let him judge and have the final word. I’m not there yet, but my suicidal days are over.
And anyone who struggles or knows someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts and lives in or around London, check out this amazing charity that was started by 2 Samaritans: The Listening Place, their non-judgemental and patient approach takes the sting out of this taboo subject. And also Maytree. Add your own from your own city and don’t struggle or let others struggle alone.
Thank you for reading.
Kind regards,
Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.
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Don’t have a manager hold the grievance hearing raised against a colleague from his immediate neighbouring area, as this will compromise a truly impartial investigation and decision.
Don’t have the hearing manager patronize and hold the person raising the grievance for an idiot, by asking if 40 or 50 out-of-date items were left by an MOD over night, while the grievance raiser left only 1 item out and was about to get penalized for it by the manager who targeted her. You may look more absurd in the long run for a poor try like this.
Don’t remove the HR advisor from the hearing process, who raised the grievance in the first place on behalf of the bereaved and bullied employee, giving hope to that traumatized staff member. Doing so would cause the crushing of hope again, starting a series of events that could have been avoided early on if everything was conducted fairly, impartially and respectfully.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
Appeal’s Hearing 1.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager hold the appeal’s hearing who is not only a known colleague, but a close friend of the first grievance hearing manager. As it would be difficult going against the decision of a friend, this will compromise a truly impartial investigation and decision.
Don’t speak to the colleague the grievance is raised against before you hear all the allegations raised first, as you won’t be impartial and would have already pre-judged the case more or less.
Don’t instruct the person who raised the grievance to go to the person the grievance is against, to inform them what was spoken about in the appeal’s hearing to prepare the one who grieved the employee that the grievance is about to be partially substantiated against them. Be a manager of integrity and courage, and do that job yourself, not sending the grievance raiser like a sheep to the wolf, if you don’t have the stamina to do that yourself!
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
————————————————————————————
Grievance Hearing 2.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager doing the hearing who was already involved in the case by having been copied in on emails sent to managers and HR previously.
Don’t have a manager hold the hearing, who has no problem whatsoever that a bereaved and traumatized team leader is repeatedly rebuked by her line manager in front of the team, the team leader then having a nervous breakdown two days before the first anniversary of the death of her brother, and being further bullied by having to do customer service while in the middle of that breakdown in tears. If you as the hearing manager have no problems with this, you should not only not be the hearing manager, you should resign and rethink your ethical values and emotional intelligence.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
Appeal’s Hearing 2.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager doing the hearing who has also already been informed prior to the hearing of being asked to sit down informally to calm down the bereaved and traumatized employee who kept losing her mind. Even if you are one of the more empathetic hearing managers compared to the others, you would still not be impartial.
Don’t be double-faced by saying that it is okay to email but then behind the scenes sending on the emails to HR who later penalized the person for having sent the emails.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
————————————————————————————
Grievance Hearing 3.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager doing the hearing who already finds answers and reasons of misbehaviour before having fully heard and investigated the case.
Don’t let the hearing manager just substantiate bits and pieces to silence the grievance raiser, while the people business partner the grievance is against, is waiting outside in plain view pretending to be on the phone, winking at the HR advisor accompanying the grievance raiser out of the hearing.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
Grievance Appeal 3.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who is brand new to the company having to prove herself in her trial period, after another hearing manager who was indeed not impartial as having been informed throughout, was removed from the process upon request by the grievance raiser.
Don’t have that hearing manager who is a head of a department have a laugh during a very serious hearing process.
Don’t have a note taker who compares the traumatized bereaved with another traumatized bereaved employee, judging both as being “bitter” because they keep raising grievances due to mistreatment during bereavement. Not taking their issues serious may hurt their lives irrevocably.
Don’t have that note taker say, that in hindsight he made a mistake by agreeing that the company can indeed improve on the supporting of the bereaved employee.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
————————————————————————————
Disciplinary Hearing 1.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who has personal conflict due to very similar bereavement.
Don’t have that hearing manager enter into secret and solely electronic communication after giving a disciplinary for electronic communication.
Don’t have that hearing manager take personal advantage of the vulnerable and traumatised grievance raiser, by abusing their position in using tools of Hypnotherapy and NLP for their own studies, and personal as well as occupational advantages.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
Appeal’s Hearing 0.0
No Appeal raised due to naivety and plain stupidity of having believed to be truly supported by the company now.
Dont’s:
Traumatized Bereaved Grievance Raiser, don’t trust an HR department and company who repeatedly hold flawed hearings.
Do’s:
Do regret not having raised an appeal and gone to court early on due to repeated lack of impartiality and “fundamentally flawed” hearings.
Do learn from this that if this happens again to raise a grievance against the hearing manager abusing their position for personal gain.
————————————————————————————
Grievance Hearing 5.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager and HR advisor hold the hearing where you have to start the formal procedure as they kept starring at you, not knowing how to start.
Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who is at first empathetic, even sharing personal information in an informal moment, confirming that the grievance raiser has “been wronged” and then later be completely the opposite, as HR is really behind the decisions.
Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who does not investigate and interviews witnesses named.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
No Appeal raised as it was useless and ridiculous to keep going on in this flawed system. But one gets the point!
————————————————————————————
Dismissal Hearing 1.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager hold the hearing to patronize the grievance raiser by being the OPs manager of the manager the grievance raiser loved to work with. Another clever “retaliation” by HR choosing “impartial” hearing managers.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
Dismissal Appeal 1.0
Dont’s:
Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who just sits there purposefully not saying anything to avoid to truly investigate impartially by asking questions.
Don’t have a note taker who is so slow in taking notes, not attentive enough to follow what is being said, unless there is no other note taker anymore, due to the grievance raiser having exhausted the largest department of the company.
Do’s:
Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.
———————————————————————————— .
How To’s and Tips for a Formal Hearing:
Dont’s:
Don’t discriminate by just using mainly women to hold the hearings (17 women/3 men).
Do’s
Be truly equal opportunity by giving male managers a chance to hold a hearing for / against a female employee. Unless, of course, the challenge is too grave for them.
Do rethink your HR department and if the methods of hearings are so steeped in dishonesty and trickery, that it is hard to break that habit and open new windows to bring in fresh air and clean a toxic environment.
Do remember that you are dealing with people, with human beings who go through personal and professional issues that can make them ill and even take their lives. Do remember the name and mission of your department: Human Resources.
I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.
The poison in my hand, that looked like a phone, wouldn’t help me get out of a war-zone, a bombardment that started raging inside me. The messenger was a machine, the email was a gun, the letters were the bullets.
Another machine that looked like a laptop connected me with a voice that sounded like the police. More surreal messages made their way through the airwaves, cables and electronics.
Questions … Cause of death? Organ failure.
Which organ? Doesn’t say.
And the autopsy? No autopsy.
No autopsy?!!
When did he die? Approximately 6 days before he was found.
Why were we as his family not found?
Why am I learning this 5 weeks after he died?
Why is there no clear cause of death?
Why no autopsy??! ……
All questions fired out on autopilot while still not having registered the message.
My brother dead!
The machine informed me that from a police perspective, as soon as they can rule out fowl play and suicide, they are not concerned about the cause of death anymore and hand it back to the coroner.
Case closed.
The policeman further informed me that they had to push his estimated 6 day old corpse away from his door to enter the apartment and they were able to capture two of the three cats that survived while my brother lay dead. The third cat slipped out the door and as a neighbour told me it lives outside now and won’t let anyone capture it…
Thank you for all the details. Very efficient.
Could I get a copy of the police and doctor’s reports, please?
You need a lawyer to apply for it, only a lawyer can have a copy. It’s the law in Germany.
A conversation with a customer in my former work who was a police detective, having worked on many death cases, confirmed that if nothing suspicious is found the case is closed fast, too much paper work. Of course if the deceased was one of their relatives, friends or colleagues, they would go to town trying to find the cause and family.
My brother was just MY brother.
Where is he now?
He has been cremated.
??!!!??!!
I realized later that his cremation was already mentioned in the email that I just read minutes before, but the LOAD of this short and brutal email was so surreal and heavy, I didn’t take it in at the time. I just starred at my phone half in mid-air and half on the floor, stuck in Twilight Zone. The turmoil that was soon to start, added by my superiors at work and the anger I would be capable of, would unleash in writings like a never ending mass shooting, but with words and letters in emails… The traumatic angst and rage that was approaching fast, losing me almost everything and everyone I held dear… I could have never imagined then.
I learned later that they destroyed all his belongings that had no financial value, since we couldn’t pay his debt from his business and had to reject the inheritance and with it all belongings that were of sentimental value to us. By law we had 6 weeks from learning of his death to decide what to do. We only received a shoe box size of papers, ID cards, driver’s license, photos, letters … and later his ashes…
in the post.
I went inside another machine the next day to bring death to my mum who brought us life.
And then I carried my big brother into the earth.
And I buried my heart with him.
My life has been a big mess since.
Everyone keeps telling me since day one to be strong.
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On 12. January 2015 I woke up and checked my email while still in bed blurry-eyed. Bed, the most vulnerable and safe place to be in. I had late shift that week and thought I quickly check my mail before turning around to sleep some more and later go to work.
I found myself making the fastest jump out of bed I’ve ever made, but that jump felt like slow motion, as if I got stuck in mid air and my room was moving by me in an eerie pace. The light painted wall became fogged up like someone just poured a dust-like grey powder over it. When I landed on my feet, I felt like a deformed cartoon character out of a Tom & Jerry fighting scene, who got whacked over the head and entered into another world. But it was more like a shotgun hole in my gut, something ripped life out of my system and left a huge crater behind.
My bedroom wasn’t my bedroom anymore, my apartment wasn’t my apartment anymore, my mind wasn’t my mind anymore. It was just like it feels when you return from a two or three week trip to a different country and culture, returning home and your place has a different feel to it, a stale atmosphere because you’ve gotten used to a different place, food, impressions, language.
Of course your apartment or house is still the same, it’s just you who has to readjust to the familiar and safe place you know so well and fill it with life again. But for me it was like I’ve come “home” to hell. It was the beginning of a very long and dark time in that world, which I am still standing in with one foot, while the other foot is trying to venture out to find green pastures.
In a 6 or 7 sentence email the sender went down a quick and short route to inform me that my brother has been found dead in his flat on the 15. December 2014. Next of kin could not be found in time (in a country as efficient as Germany!). Cause of death not clear, no autopsy, he lay dead for an estimated 6 days plus/minus before he was found, and then they just cremated him before finding us!
[After I flew over the next day to personally – not over the phone! – bring my mum the death of her son she gave life to, we arranged for his urn to be brought over from the city where he lived in. To our utter disbelief they sent his urn via post to the city’s council where my mum lives, so we can bury whatever was left of my brother close to my mum. Another German procedure I didn’t know was even done like this, sending an urn via post?!]
Furthermore I was advised to reject the inheritance as his estate was highly in debt, which also meant I learned later that I could not retrieve any of his belongings and was informed later that any belongings with no financial value has been destroyed…
The email ended with some other instructions. Kind regards.
My phone became like a curse in my hand that I could not understand that this was a phone I was holding, just starring at it, reading an electronic mail giving me a message of death.
Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.
»The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us for an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.«
— Henri Nouwen
The “absence” of some of my friends had me in deeper despair crying out too much, too loud, too chaotic, rampantly voicing my pain all over the place, burdening those I never wanted to burden. Silence is brutal only when there is no-one visibly there as well. I felt like being emotionally deaf and blind and just hopelessly crying out uncontrollably.
In my pain and despair I reached out to a friend who was overwhelmed and withdrew early on. I said that I understand that they don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do either, so can we not do the unknown together?
A friend sent this following article to me a few months ago, but I just finished reading it tonight.
»In the early months after Goldberg’s death, Sandberg says she made the three classic mistakes – “the three ps – personalisation, pervasiveness and permanence”. She blamed herself for his death: “Especially because the early reports, which were false, said he died by falling off an exercise machine. So I absolutely thought that if I had looked for him sooner, he would be alive. A friend would say to me, ‘You didn’t leave a three-year-old alone in a gym.’ But I felt hugely guilty.” When the autopsy revealed undiagnosed coronary artery disease, “I spent months thinking I should have known that. I felt hugely guilty; you blame yourself endlessly. Then one day Adam [Grant] said, ‘If you do not recover, your kids cannot recover. That is it. You must.’ So that really snapped me out of it. I was like, OK, this isn’t my fault. I stopped taking it personally.«
Kids are a great motivator to keep going.
Another quote in the article:
»Another mistake she’d made before Goldberg died was to ask people in trouble, “Is there anything I can do?” She says, “I really meant it. But it kind of shifts the burden to the person who needs the help to tell you.” The classic inquiry, “How are you?” also turned out to be unhelpful. “Well, my husband just died on the floor of a gym. Like, how am I?” The more meaningful question, she learned, is “How are you today?
But the biggest – and remarkably common – mistake is to ask nothing at all. “I want to talk about Dave. Bringing up Dave to me is always a positive. It doesn’t make me sad. I know he’s gone.” I ask if anyone has said they didn’t like to mention him as they didn’t want to “remind” her of her loss, and she laughs. “Yes. It’s not possible to remind me.” She recommends something she calls the platinum rule of friendship, “not to treat people as you want to be treated, but treat people as they want to be treated. That’s a pretty big mind shift, and some people do that quite naturally and some people don’t.”«
Yep.
Quote:
»To anyone who saw The Social Network, the film about Facebook’s origins which portrayed Zuckerberg as a socially awkward computer geek, this may come as a surprise, but the emotionally astute stand-out star of Option B is Sandberg’s boss. “Mark is why I’m walking. Most of what [he and his wife Priscilla] did is not even in the book, because they did so much. When I felt so overwhelmed and so isolated and just needed to cry, I would drag him into his conference room and he would just sit there with me and be like, ‘We’re going to get through this and we want to get through it with you.’ He did it over and over.”«
Well, Facebook may be there for its employees in tragedy, especially the high-ranking ones. I live in a different world.
The following part of the article I struggle with:
Quote:
»Sandberg is a natural leader and problem solver – not merely Facebook’s COO but its living embodiment – who has dealt with her grief almost as if it were a failing business to be turned around; she studied the data, applied herself to its findings, and found the potential for growth.«
Beautiful writing, but appalling thought. I’m sure it wasn’t meant the way I read it.
Quote:
»Survivor guilt is a thief of joy. When people lose a loved one, they are not just racked with grief, but also with remorse. “I could have saved her.” “Why am I the one who is still alive?” Even after acute grief is gone, the guilt remains. “I didn’t spend enough time with him.”«
I like: “We take things back”
Quote:
»With Rob’s and Amy’s words ringing in my ears, I decided to try having fun for my children – and with my children. Dave had loved playing Catan with our kids. One afternoon, I asked them if they wanted to play. They did. In the past, I was always orange. My daughter was blue. My son was red. Dave was grey. When just the three of us sat down to play, my daughter pulled out the grey pieces. My son got upset and tried to take them away from her, insisting, “That was Daddy’s colour. You can’t be grey!” I held his hand and said, “She can be grey. We take things back.”«
Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.
Bullied during bereavement in Pret A Manger 
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