Tag: Grief

Dear Bereaved Parents

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

I am a bereaved sibling who has been lost for 10 years looking for support.

I was sent the news of my brother’s death via an ice-cold email that read like a “to-do” list without ANY support during and after it. I went on an emailing spree ever since in the middle of investigating what the fnck happened!

Then I was bullied during traumatic bereavement in and by Pret A Manger, which reached to the top executive level (please see links at the very bottom). I and an OPs (area) manager even asked Pret if I could be supported by someone at the Pret Foundation Trust that supposedly help former homeless people and ex-prisoners into work (for PR and tax- breaks). Pret never responded. Pret hand-pick a few former homeless people and ex-prisoners, showcase them in protected social media posts to the public, but you never hear from any of them externally, individually.

Weeks after I received the news of my brother’s death and cremation, I asked for help immediately via my GP and got “therapy” within two months. Thank you NHS. But it was a trainee therapist while I needed trauma therapy. I went from trainee to trainee to charity to online bereavement groups to face-to-face meeting groups via Meetup.com to anger-management “therapy” to continuing to work at Pret to flying back and forth to care for my parents to continue to seek help to walking the streets of London for years to seeking help again ………….. while everyone constantly wanted something from me or dropping me like a hot potato, as we say in Germany!

I witnessed traumatic issues in hospital and rehab after my dad had a stroke and came out of a 3-week coma.

If you can at all PLEASE do NOT put any elderly or disabled person into nursing/care home!

They say “it takes a village to raise a child”, it also takes a village to care for the elderly and vulnerable! Do NOT place any elderly and/or vulnerable person into any institution, no matter how “charitable” they sound. Most institutions, even more and more prisons are run privately under private equity for the sole purpose of profit. I had no choice and had no means to care for my parents each individually! And I apologize to them every single day!

Pret fired me because I wouldn’t take their “hush-money”. I couldn’t bury my mum during the 2. lockdown in Germany while both the UK and Germany amongst other countries were locked down and the then UK Prime Sinister threw parties in Downing Street, breaking the laws he decreed upon us.

All of this, the loss of my brother especially, then how Pret treated me, losing friends early etc. has me in a fight-or-flight mode still. I was diagnosed with PTSD and still there is no adequate trauma therapy.

Recently I went on a four hour walk for bereaved parents and siblings with a large group of about 40 parents that a bereavement charity put on. I was the only sibling. I had many lovely and heartbreaking conversations with parents. I listened to everyone and everyone listened to me. After the walk where there was no “closing” as in how to get care if we struggle, I went home and fell into a black hole again.

After the walk, before I went home, some of us met in a nearby pub where we finished the walk. The facilitator who does this walk since 7 years couldn’t be bothered though to give me information on any sibling support. It took me two times enquiring if there is “anything else” that this charity is doing.

The first time I specifically “lamented” that for 10 years I can’t find any sibling support. The facilitator/bereaved father did not mention anything for siblings. Only after I made a general enquiry if there is “anything” else the charity is doing as a general event, did he mention ONE event for siblings. The CEO of the charity (why is there always a CEO who needs to get paid a high wage in a “charity”?) later responded and gave me a substantial list for siblings and found the excuse that the facilitator was doing the walk for hours and might have been tired.

Excuse me, but if you do a walk since 7 years you should know the information for siblings and maybe “break-up” the group to smaller groups of no more than 8-10 people. It seemed more like “I do a large group since years and we’re growing”. I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in ego and how large a group is, and for how long they’re doing this! Less is more and I still couldn’t find support as a sibling until the CEO sent a list when I mentioned my “grief” with the walk!

I went to on-and-offline bereavement groups which in the first years was with widows. Now, it’s with bereaved parents.

I talked with everyone and listened to their heartbreaking stories of the loss of their child or children, I dared not ask how the siblings are coping!

LOOK AFTER YOUR OTHER CHILDREN!

They are the ones who have to bury you after they themselves are running on empty without any support from you or anyone else! If they live far away, there’s a reason for that dear parent(s)! Should you have lost contact, there’s a reason!

I am tired of hearing people say, “I’m glad my mum/dad is gone!” I’m tired of hearing this!

Every mother and/or father who has children, has at least 1 child. Most parents have 2-3 children. Every set of parents who has 2 or more children and loses a child has 2 or 3+ other children.

There are 2 parents, at times 2 or more step parents, but for the sake of blood relatives, I take 2 parents and 2 or more surviving children.

I don’t have research or facts, but if my maths work out right, there are MORE siblings grieving than parents.

YOU CHOSE to have children! Your surviving children didn’t ask you to conceive them! And they also didn’t ask to suffer the loss of a sibling or siblings! And they didn’t ask to have to carry their parent(s) for years and years!

Siblings, especially when they lose a brother and/or sister in adulthood KNOW each other in ways and depths that you never will! I never told my parents, even after my brother died, how he set small packets of firecrackers inside a bridge that he, I and friends climbed into to run across from one side to the other side inside the bridge. My brother set these crackers for the echoing sound effects inside the bridge. It was an Autobahn bridge with high speed traffic above, while we teenagers ran across inside the bridge. We could have gotten in trouble for the safety issues. I never told my parents the sh!t we did for fun or the trouble any of us got into. Our sibling bond is different to yours. And WE suffer in ways you will never understand!

Your selfish grief, BECAUSE a parent is not supposed to out-live a child, is a fncking burden on your long suffering surviving child(ren). Your surviving child(ren) is too scared and selfless to tell you this! So, I do! And you wallow in your entitled grief while your other child(ren) suffers to the point they want to die as well.

I still wake up sometimes after 10 years in grieve and wish someone would bring me some food. My fridge empty again because I have no strength to go shopping, let alone cook. Lost my friends early on and everyone calling me “strong”. Well, I’m not! I’m fed up!

We siblings will NEVER know how it is to give birth to and then lose that child, unless we suffer this unspeakable loss ourselves. But equally, you parents will never know the depths of us siblings’ grief and how deeply we knew our sibling(s). You will never know the depths of our knowledge of our sibling(s). And don’t you dare sneak up on us to find out while not caring for us surviving children.

Maybe for ONCE, only ONCE, you dear parent(s) can take the phone and call your other child(ren) and WITHOUT ANY selfish notion ASK them how they are, if they need anything, without any hidden agenda.

Maybe once a year? Do you even remember what your surviving child’s birthday is? Do you remember their name?

I can guarantee that they WILL say they’re fine, because they worry about you, because you pasted all your grief for years and years across your family and claimed the sole right to grieve.

I received a request via another group I visited from a psychology student who was looking for participants of bereaved siblings. I couldn’t participate because I didn’t fit in one criteria that I needed to be in therapy while being interviewed.

The study is called “The Forgotten Ones”.

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I was told by a grieving mum during the 4-hour walk, after I introduced myself with having lost my brother and parents in a short succession of years, that losing parents is expected but not losing a child. Well, fnck you grieving mum, I couldn’t bury my mum, and every human being, no matter how old they are deserve every second of life! And a sibling is not supposed to carry the urn of a brother to his premature grave either!

I didn’t know for 5 weeks that my brother died and 5 days before I learnt via a horrific email that they cremated him! He was lying dead in his apartment for appoximately 6 days, could have been 5 or 7 days. The coroner estimated about 6 days. The neighbours smelled a horrible odor and called the landlord and police to break open the door.

They had to push my brother’s corpse away from the door to get in. He had 3 cats that survived while he was dead on the floor. He had one cat that got pregnant when slipping outside, he gave some kittens away but kept two who grew up with their mum cat. My brother was very tidy and clean, but the police said the cats ransacked the apartment. I’m sure animals undestand death. Two cats were captured, the third cat escaped out the door. The neighbours said they try to lure it back in by placing food outside the doorstep, but even while taking the food, it never comes in anymore.

On the day I received this horror email a “friend” said to me that I need to bestrong for my mum. That was before I flew over to Germany the next morning to bring my mum the news in person. I don’t want to hear anymore how strong I am! And I don’t want to be a “forgotten one” anymore with so many other lost siblings.

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Call your other child(ren) and WITHOUT any selfish motive get them whatever support they need or want. And be PATIENT when they say they’re alright! They may not be!

I’m sorry for my harsh words, but I’ve had enough.

In memory of my big brother.

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An Urn is an even Smaller Domain

An Urn is an even smaller Domain
Not able to contain
A Heart once beating
A Life so beaten down to diminished Pain

A Rock is a restricted Lot
Yet better than a Stone
A Poor Man’s Plot
Forgotten not, and yet it stands alone

To Him who at His cumbrous Door
Bestowed His final Breath
Circumstances know we not
Nor Estimated Death.

— ©expret.org

Inspired by Emily Dickinson’s poem:

A Coffin — is a small Domain,
Yet able to contain
A Citizen of Paradise
In it diminished Plane.

A Grave — is a restricted Breadth —
Yet ampler than the Sun —
And all the Seas He populates
And Lands He looks upon

To Him who on its small Repose
Bestows a single Friend —
Circumference without Relief —
Or Estimate — or End —

— Emily Dickinson

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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. Schlee has been appointed CEO of itsu in 2024 by Julian Metcalfe who gave him the CEO spot at Pret many years ago.
I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret and What shop MANAGERS & HQ staff say about Pret incl. CEO Pano Christou.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review as well as mentioned by the BBC.

Please also see the MEDIA page for more on my work with the press.

NEW LinkTree

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Thank you for reading/listening.

©2017 – Present: expret.org


Interview:

(Please be aware that the player shows 0:00 but just press play)

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Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

The Shopping List

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

The Shopping List

READER DISCRETION ADVISED:

I am giving a warning for sensitive readers, a warning I never got, but I nevertheless want to give this warning. If you’re eating, please put your food down.

I woke up on a January morning in 2015 and made the mistake to check my email before going to work for late shift. I wanted to start the day slow as work at Pret was always horrifically stressful.

Email from 12.01.2015, translated as best from German to English as possible, verbatim.

Audio version via podcast.

Dear Mrs [My Name],

unfortunately I have sad news to bring.

Mr. [Name of my Brother] was found dead in his apartment in [Name of City] on 15.12.2014

From the paperwork, no next of kin could be determined, therefore I was appointed to act as beneficiary of the estate of your brother.

The copy of the appointment is attached.

Your brother was cremated on orders by [Name of City], the burial is still open. You and your mother can decide where the urn will be buried.

Unfortunately I also have to inform you that the estate is over-indebted, therefore you have to cover the funeral expenses of the urn (the cremation etc.). Furthermore, it would be advised to reject the inheritance.

Please inform me of your and your mother’s address.

For contact in regards to the funeral, the details are [Name, address and email of the morgue].

[Name of Brutal, Ice-cold Messenger B*tch!]

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End of quote verbatim translation.

I cannot explain what went through me and will never find words of the sheer horror. Or was I dreaming? I read the email on the phone in my hand and just looked at the phone like it was playing a nasty joke on me.

Not only is my brother dead, he’s COMPLETELY GONE? And I had to learn this in a cold, robotic email as if I was reading a shopping list of errands I have to run?

The email read like a shopping list, rattling down instructions and upon investigating in the beginning, I haven’t read it for years anymore. I was instructed to reject the inheritance as otherwise I’d be left with thousands in debt. He was self-employed as a green energy advisor which he studied to become self-employed. He never told us how much he struggled.

I wrote him many emails since SHOUTING at him WHY he never told us how much he struggled!!! I wrote him emails until my emails started bouncing back after about a year as there was no activity/logins/outgoing email on his account, and his account just shut down.

After emailing the courthouse in his city for 2 years who gave the instruction to appoint a beneficiary of the estate, the president of the court replied (someone finally replied basically, and it was the highest person in the court), and she semi-apologised but went on with excuses. She said that bringing the news like this via email is “obscene”. But nothing more. I have no money or I would sue the sh!t out of everyone involved.

Everything turned against me either by longtime friends even early on disappearing or being targeted at work in Pret A Manger, which I write extensively here on my blog after having declined Pret’s “hush money” and NDAs.

And to add further to everything making it more traumatic, they sent my brother’s urn to my mum’s village via POSTAL MAIL!!!! Everything we learnt was COMPLETELY disrespectful and careless!! There was no dignity. I did some research and learnt that indeed they send urns in Germany via the postal mail! I wrote about it here:
In Germany They Send Urns Via Post

The last contact I had with my brother was 5 weeks before he died where he declined my invitation to a concert near his city where I flew over for in November 2014. He couldn’t make it and also said that the artist is not his cup of tea. I worked with the artist on a project and got free tickets and was always permitted to bring a +1. As I went to several of the artist concert in different German cities as she was on tour there, I always invited friends who live in or close to the city, and then also invited my brother to one of the gigs close to his town. I even went with my mum and a friend at one point in another tour of the artist.

I never replied to his email assuming I’ll see him anyway. But as usual he was busy, I was busy … And I had to admit to myself later that I was a little cross with him for not coming as I was working with the artist on a project, and I think I wanted him to be proud of me.

My brother had a cat that one day slipped out of the apartment and returned pregnant. He kept 2 of the kittens and gave 2 away. All 3 cats, grown up with its mother survived the approximately 6 days my brother lay dead in front of his apartment door.

The police told me that the cats ransacked the apartment, probably in distress or looking for food. Two of the cats they managed to catch, the third cat slipped through their legs and out the door. A neighbour told me that the cat doesn’t let anyone near it and they just feed it by putting food on the steps of the building in hopes it finds trust again and comes in. But I lost contact as I stopped contacting them. I assume the cat has passed now.

I came across a tweet once that was about cute cat videos that millions love to watch. For some reason in the comments someone mentioned that when the owner of a cat (or dog) dies, cats tend to start eating the corpse. And it put further trauma on me the thought of it.

I went on emailing-spree ever since, mostly drunk and very angry, of which I am just now slowly coming out of.

Many lost friends, lost job, lost opportunities later, I am left with a pile of losses and a decision if to go on or to quit. My parents have died now, I couldn’t bury my mum during 2. lock-down.

I sabotaged my life, relationships and everything else hoping it would help me end my life.

What is there now?

And everyone can keep staying away.

In memory of my big brother Thomas. Es tut mir so leid!

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UPDATE 2024

My interview on a grief/trauma podcast based in Seattle, Washington:

Finding out my Brother died via Email

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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. Schlee has been appointed CEO of itsu in 2024 by Julian Metcalfe who gave him the CEO spot at Pret many years ago.
I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret and What shop MANAGERS & HQ staff say about Pret incl. CEO Pano Christou.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review as well as mentioned by the BBC.

Please also see the MEDIA page for more on my work with the press.

NEW LinkTree

PayPal.Me

.

Thank you for reading/listening.

©2017 – Present: expret.org


Interview:

(Please be aware that the player shows 0:00 but just press play)

.

.

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

PTSD and Adrenaline

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I found an amazing and simple explanation of some parts of PTSD in connection with adrenaline on reddit.

Brief explanation for new readers.

On January 2015 I learnt that my brother died 5 weeks prior in December 2014 AND was already cremated (5 days before I learnt of his death). To add to that, I was told this via EMAIL!

My story is spread out over my blog and on my podcast. I want to keep it brief here and concentrate on PTSD.

To add even more to that, I was targeted in Pret A Manger where I worked 7 years at the time my brother died. I was a team leader doing my job very very well. I say this, because Pret management and HR tried everything to try to get rid of me. They lied, gaslit me, used other staff to write lies about me to build a case against me.

I was in a mix of shock, trauma, twilight zone and somewhat completely oblivious on how vile and calculated Pret were. I was bullied from management, not from my teams. Some team members who were willing to please our bosses just allowed to be instrumentalised against me by lying about me.

I found that out after I applied for my file under the UK 1998 Data Protection Act (before GDPR came into place). I read the emails, the lies, the allegations and was able to raise grievances based on those lies. But that’s another story.

What I noticed and felt VERY early on is that I was EXTREMELY hyper, I felt adrenaline, later a lot of anger came to it. In hindsight I cannot understand how I even survived as my heart sometimes felt like exploding out of my chest! Later I started to have panic attacks, started drinking etc.

But I felt early on this intense feeling of being electrified every day, on adrenaline, even without drinking coffee.

My “new normal” was little sleep as I was investigating what happened to my brother. I couldn’t eat despite work in a food place. I lost 35kg within a year. Once when I walked through the Pret kitchen to get some blue paper for the shop, a kitchen staff was talking about weight and how she lost weight etc.

I mentioned to her that I was really overweight (after having lived 6 years in the USA with the sugar content and portion sizes) and that I lost at least 35kg within a year after my brother died. Having grown up with metrics and not gallons, ounces etc. the colleague asked me, “How much is that in stone”. But even now I never got my head disciplined to convert kilogram into stones and pounds.

As she was preparing baguettes with a 10 Liter (same as 10 kg) bucket of Mayonnaise on the bench, I pointed to the bucket and said “Three-and-a-half times of this bucket”, and she almost dropped the scoop out of her hand. Only then did I realise how much weight I had and then dropped with a simple visual of a mayonnaise bucket. I just couldn’t eat and forced myself to eat at least a banana a day or half a baguette. I just couldn’t swallow. I also walked for hours upon hours through London, plus all the walking and standing in Pret. I was on my feet 12-14 + hours every day for many months turning into years. So, the weight dropped rapitly within a year and with this caused some health problems later.

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10 Liter bucket, same as 10 KG. That’s why I can’t stop thinking in metrics, because it’s very simple.

I had to downsize my wardrobe 3-4 times over the year as everything became loose.

I woudn’t have been overweight, I’d look like a person with anorexia. I don’t want to show “before and after” photos of myself here, and just will mention a prominet German person and the impact grief and shock can have on the body.

The German TV presenter and Miss World winner, Petra Schürmann, who worked very close with her daughter Alexandra in TV, lost her daughter in an accident. She lost so much weight, and even couldn’t speak anymore and then died herself from the grief and shock a few years later. I remember the time when I visited Germany, seeing the news of her health condition.

With her daughter:

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After the death of her daughter, I can’t find the picture anymore, but I saw her on TV in Germany where she was extremely thin and aged rapidly within a few short years.

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I was lucky to have been overweight and “just” dropped down to “normal” weight like I always used to be before moving to the U.S. And the weight might have given me initial energy to keep going.

In Pret I was put on 5 months late shift so the manager doesn’t have to deal with a “sad” employee where Pret demand that we smile all day or get penalized via weekly mystery shoppers. Again, I write about this extensively all over my blog and on social media. I want to only concentrate on the PTSD and Adrenaline here.

But even with the early shifts, I would have to get up at 3:30am to start work at 5am with only 3 hours sleep as I couldn’t sleep. And later when I started to drink, going to work extremely hungover, I was still high functioning and in hindsight don’t know how I didn’t get a heart attack under the permanent mental, emotional and physical stress!

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2020 after seeking therapy and an odyssey through the NHS mental health system. In my case the strongest symptom is hyper vigilance and constantly being on alert.

Working in Pret I don’t even know how I worked, I was on a constant “high”, being vigilant like I was in an emotional war-zone, especially from the targetting and bullying.

I had a high dose of adrenaline, but didn’t understand why, even though I could feel it. I did drink coffee in then morning, but the adrenaline was pumping me most of the day. This was one reason I started to drink necause I couldn’t sleep despite having been on my feet all day and walking through London day and night.

I started to drink to knock myself out. And it works in the beginning for a whole, but then, as we all know it turns into problems. That’s when my traumatic behaviour, emailing etc. started and went on a long time losing more people and things.

I was HIGH functioning, couldn’t calm down (except when drunk, knocking myself into bed).

And someone on reddit put into few words the issue with PTSD and Adrenaline and it all makes sense.

I quote directly from the subreddit Do people actually know what having PTSD is like? by u/juniorthib.

The part that made all sense I quote here in full verbatim:

“PTSD happens when you go through a traumatic event, and your brain decides that it never wants to be fucked up in that way ever again, so it will go to extreme measures to pump you full of adrenaline so you’re ready whenever the same traumatic event happens again. If it ever does. I used to go into fight or flight mode whenever someone did something like ripping a piece of paper out of their notebook. The tiniest sounds set me off, and it was all because my brain assumed that the sound was the source of my PTSD (it wasn’t) and decided to prepare appropriately for the situation.

So when you actually face the source of your stressor, the PTSD kicks in, not to render you useless and immobile, but to give you more adrenaline so you don’t have a repeat of whatever happened the first time.”

B-I-N-G-O-!!!

The part, “when you actually face the source of your stressor, the PTSD kicks in, not to render you useless and immobile, but to give you more adrenaline …”

I felt from the beginning but worded it as “I went into autopilot and functioned”, which I did. But I went into autopilot, so much so I couldn’t remember if I locked my door which of course I did as it was habit and I switched to autopilot. But I couldn’t come down from the intenseness as adrenaline was pumping constantly.

I can also relate to the sound issues. Pret especially is EXTREMELY loud everywhere and I was reprimanded for turning the music down, especially when customers also complained of the noise. But even slight noises in the library or supermarket set me off to want to run off or tell people to lower the “noise” that wasn’t even noise. Flying became extremely anxiety inducing and stressful now.

At one point on my many flights to Germany I sat with my hand holding the head part of the seat in front of me while on take-off and my knuckles were white as a sheet from grabbing the head piece. The two young women sitting in front of me at one point turned around and giggled looking at me. I felt that the blood of my face was gone as I sat in anxiety while the plane took off.

The girls probably thought it was my first flight or I am afraid of flying in general. They had no clue I flew countless times since I was a teenager and was just in a state of shock and trauma. Never assume by looking at people WHY they might be scared when they look terrified. I wasn’t scared of flying,I was scared of EVERY movement and anything that rendered me out of control.

And flying is NOT natural for us humans! We are not birds! I often thought when on a longhaul flight that we have NO BUSINESS in the air! What the fnck am I doing up here??!!! It’s not natural!

And now, having lost everything, I just sit in front of a pile of rubble and hope that those who did wrong while being strong when others were vulnerable, have their Karma poured out on them like I had adrenaline thrust me into extreme movement and a functioning zombie.

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I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review and was mentioned by the BBC.

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Please also see the MEDIA page for more.

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Thank you for reading/listening.

©2017 – Present: expret.org


Interview:

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Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved.

Disclaimer.

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Bosse Did It Again

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After being blown away from a song of his 3 years ago > I fell in Love with a Song, he did it again!

Translation below …

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Rough translation, not a perfect translation, but the core of it:

SUNNYSIDE

Where the sun kisses the city

and your face, too

When you slept like you used to sleep

and you won’t miss a thing

You survive in the park

and you realize the grass is green

and someone hands you a beer

and endorphins release fear

And you sing out of tune on your way home

whistling a song in the dark

Then you’re on the sunnyside again

from there you just float

because you’re letting go and forgive

and you’re going out again

then you’re on the sunnyside again

From then on everything just falls into place

because you’re letting go and heal

and finally thrive again

Where your rough edges disappear

and melt at every turn


Where you don’t look back

Self-worth, Self-love

Where your light-footed walk is back

as well as your sneaky laugh

there, where you need eyes and deeds, say, what should we all do?

And you sing out of tune when we go about the neighbourhood together

whistling a song into the dark

Then you’re on the sunnyside again

from there you just float

because you’re letting go and forgive

and you’re going out again

then you’re on the sunnyside again

From then on everything just falls into place

because you’re letting go and heal

and finally thrive again


You look exhausted, but it’s over

you see how the first light shines on your ruins

You faced it, you haven’t hidden anything, you’ve cried till you dried

through deepest tunnels and grief and gravel towards sunnyside

towards sunnyside

…

– Bosse

Translation expret.org

Grief is No Thief

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

I pondered a lot about Emily Dickinson’s grief poems, especially one particular phrase: “grief is a thief”.

But to me grief is not a thief.
Premature death is.

Grief is just breathing out what death breathed in.

Grief is a gift, that helps unclutter the traumatic mess I find myself in.

Grief is no thief, it gives ground to the bottomless pit I keep dropping in, even though the ground is murky and dark, slippery slopes as far and wide as your eyes can see.

I keep sinking in, swallowed by tangible mud, being pulled down and I FEEL it and the darkness and the resistance to drown, and I fight this nonsense. No sense to taking life like that.

I’m an alien in a human land. I lost my way. But I grieve.
I grieve because I’m alive.
Life is no thief. Death is.
Grief is just breathing in and out a breathless life.

Grief is a gift because it tells me I’m alive.
Death is the thief that stole life!

Grief is that gift that let’s me feel the suffocating mud. Just about.

Life IS unfair
Good people DO die
Young people DO die
Bad people DO absolutely live long and die peacefully in their sleep … where’s the thief here?!

Grief sucks, but it is just a result of life breathing out what death took in.

Yeah death, you won again.
You came and took.
You didn’t ask permission
And guess what, now I won’t answer your non-asked permission to thieve!

But one thing you can’t do, you can’t steal my grief, because that’s mine un-apologetically, you fucker!

©2020 poetrasblok.com

 

 

#793, c. 1863 Emily Dickinson

Grief is a Mouse —
And chooses the Wainscot in the Breast
For His Shy House —
And baffles quest—

Grief is a Thief — quick startled —
Pricks His Ear — report to hear
Of that Vast Dark —
That swept His Being — back—

Grief is a Juggler — boldest at the Play —
Lest if He flinch — the eye that way
Pounce on His Bruises — One — say — or Three —
Grief is a Gourmand — spare His luxury —

Best Grief is Tongueless — before He’ll tell —
Burn Him in the Public Square —
His Ashes — will
Possibly — if they refuse — How then know —
Since a Rack couldn’t coax a syllable — now.

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2020 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Help less the Helpless?

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

The Elephant in the room!

When I learned of my brother’s death, not only that he was dead, but already cremated and we didn’t know for 5 weeks that he was dead and gone, I went into a state of shock I am just now after almost 5 years coming out of slowly.

Those who know my story, also know that Pret A Manger, the company I worked for 7 years at the time, bullied me and under the watchful eye of HR very quickly tried to get me out of Pret.

Because I fought and kept standing up, Pret searched and found a way to gaslight me and finally get rid of me, as bereaved employees are an inconvenience for Pret, as they are for many profit-driven companies.

My full story is in the audio player interview at the bottom of this post.

But in all my shock, trauma and the complex turmoil I went into, I made the mistake most people make who’ve never encountered this kind of work situation: I kept giving Pret the benefit of the doubt. I’ve never experienced the type of toxic workplace, until I came to Pret. I blamed myself as I was also in deep shock over my brother’s death. A multi-million (by now billion) pound company that did not know, nor care what to do with me; a company that has the money and could get the resources to support an employee, especially a longstanding staff member with a good rapport at work. I even researched myself with ACAS and passed those resources on to Pret. Here I was, low-paid, bereaved, traumatized, in shock … and giving this rich company resources! Hello? But it took a deep, dark and long valley to finally wake up that Pret has no interest in truly helping people, but rather suck the life-blood out of them.

One of the many Tribunal cases Pret lost was after having fired a staff member, and the Judges ruled that Pret’s HR hearings are “fundamentally flawed” (I can verify that from experience) and further said, quote:

»We conclude that the respondent did not carry out as much investigation as was reasonable in all circumstances of the case … The respondent is a large sophisticated employer and there was no reason put forward why it failed to comply with the Code.« Tribunal ruling at the bottom of page 11 (at 15 and check mark)

And there are many, many other things Pret does which cannot be excused as they are this “large sophisticated” employer. And staff will always speak bluntly in anonymity and there is a reason why Pret and its leadership have such poor scores on Glassdoor & Co, and the legacy Clive Schlee, now former CEO leaves behind, with the new CEO Pano Christou not being better under private equity greed.

2019-06-30 44 staff 50 Clive

 

38 26 Header

 

I collected a lot of staff reviews on the bullying culture in Pret and added screenshots with links, so that people don’t just need to take my word for it. I also continue to ask for independent investigation into Pret staff suicides, having survived myself. Link to staff reviews on the bullying environment including in head office.

But on helping the helpless, which often is the opposite of help, hence the “help less the helpless” wordplay, I want to briefly give some tips to people who care but don’t know what to do.

This is about help for people who suffer trauma, become bereaved, receive terrible health news, victims of crime and any other traumatic event that pulls the rug from under their feet.

I have had all the types of reactions we all experience in our lives when we go through painful times. And these painful times can also be divorce, separation, job loss, loss of status or reputation, or even that you are a teenager with lots of friends and your parents move you across the country to another state where you don’t know anybody! That will be grief as well! And the heavy events like trauma, accidents, victims of crime, grief etc.

Apart from the bullying from Pret that I write extensively about, I want to concentrate on two types of people. The one type are the people that are friends, colleagues, strangers, even healthcare professionals who turn their backs on you when you go through immense trauma. The people who feel helpless or even don’t care and you see a big dust cloud behind them.

The other type of people are those who care and who want to help, but they don’t know how. To these latter people I am writing.

One of the common things a bereaved or traumatized person hears from well-meaning people is: “If you need anything, let me know” or “Call me anytime if I can do something” or “I’m here for you”.

Those are truly well-meaning words, especially when they are authentic and people really want to help. The difficulty with this is, that the person who just got their rug pulled from under them does not know what help they need nor want. And if they know, they are too concerned to be a burden to ask for help.

I went through it all. I didn’t know and then didn’t ask for help, especially at the beginning. Other times I was so in pain and grief that I screamed out, and still do today at times. Other times I was angry and pushed people away because of the bullying in Pret on one side and being abandoned by friends on the other side. I couldn’t see straight ahead anymore nor distinguish real helpers from those who tricked me (again, my story in below audio player).

And those I pushed away or lashed out in anger, when they withdrew it’s completely understandable. I don’t blame those who tried to help and want to protect themselves from my anger.

I have also painfully found that some people just “offer” vague help like, “If you need anything, let me know…” and when I couldn’t verbalize what I needed because I was too broken, those people then would say things like, “Well, I offered help, but you didn’t take it” – (typical Pret response after I reached out for a year and Pret then started with support to just cover themselves).

If you want to help a friend or colleague who is suddenly thrust into loss, devastating health issues etc., the number one ingredient is: Do NOT be afraid!

I don’t consider myself a Believer anymore, not because I lost my brother or was bullied at work during the worst time of my life, I know bad stuff happens and will happen to all of us. But I lost my belief because those who claim to know God showed me that there cannot be a God. And no, if you are a Believer, don’t make it too easy on yourself by giving the usual one-size-fits all answer “trust only in God and not in people” bla bla! And the usual “we pray for you” bla bla. Yes, go away, pray and bla, and leave me the hell alone!

But I have studied the Bible for years, and I do say, that a lot of the verses in the Bible make much more sense now after having gone through my own darkest and scariest valley. One such verse is: »There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.« – 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

Of course I cannot compare a “love” for ones own child to the love towards a friend or colleague. And yes, I know the difference between eros, phileo and agape and all the other types of “love”. But to zoom in on what I mean, any good parent knows that they would go through fire if they have to save their child from pain or harm. When you love someone and you see them in pain or danger, you forget fear, fear doesn’t exist, you are only focused on getting some kind of relieve for that person. In a bereaved person, not getting a solution or answer to their loss, but some tiny bit of relieve of the chaos and utter darkness. In Biblical terms, the famous cold cup of fresh water to a burning soul (Mt. 10:42).

This reminds me of a nurse in A&E (ER), when I dragged myself early one morning during a panic attack, thinking I’m having a heart attack. My heart was racing and my chest felt like a balloon that was filling up with water, about to burst. After registering with a nurse, she pointed me to a seat to wait. She was kind, but as a nurse I was gobsmacked when she offered me coffee!!!! In disbelief I mumbled to her, “My heart is racing and you want to give me caffeine???” She quietly went and brought me some water. I felt ashamed to have had an expectation that a nurse should be aware of these things.

That is why I am weary of “friends” who claim to care or love, because the next moment they blame me for being distraught, helpless and angry. And if anyone who claims to be a friend is afraid of me, then they never knew me. I don’t fear people anymore after what I’ve been through, but if I do fear someone from time to time, then only because I don’t know them.

Since my brother died and then my father and the chain reaction of losses that death sparks, I love Elephants!

I have always loved these gentle giants, but now even more learning how they grieve, how they come together to help a fellow Elephant, very actively, very passionately. They also help a weak Elephant that got in trouble. In the first video though, I wish they would have either put a different song and raised the volume of the moderator, or not put any music at all and maybe try and get the Elephant sounds if there were any.

But Elephants are “hands-on” in their grief and investigating!

 

This second video is precious!

 

This third video is heart-breaking but incredible where Elephants desperately try to help a dying calf, trying to lift it up again and again. This will break your heart, but please watch this!
At around 1:05 minutes when one Elephant gently puts its left leg on the little one, as if to feel if it’s still alive or to give it a warm touch to not give up! So heartbreaking! The commentator sounds Swiss and I can pick up her saying “the elephant is still alive, but it doesn’t get up…”

 

I can’t help but always emphasize how we human beings SUCK at grief, how we suck at helping others, and how we suck at letting others grieve! We humans have all the technology, knowledge, even money, but we often turn our back and in Pret’s case, even step on bereaved and sick people! I was STEPPED on in Pret when I was already on the ground! We can learn from animals like these grey, dry, thick-skinned, sensible and sensitive giants!

But to lift everyone’s spirits again, even the birth of an Elephant is a community effort and event!

 

So, I want to give some bullet points of how meaningful and effective help and support can look like. Keep in mind this may vary from person to person, but I found that a few similar things seem to help most people. MISTAKES allowed! But no blaming of the person who is paralyzed in grief and trauma! Don’t even dare to blame the person! You better run away with a big dust cloud behind you, then to blame the traumatized person!

  • ASK questions, DON’T make assumptions! Don’t give bullshit solutions as to why someone’s loved-one died if you don’t know. Rather ask what may have happened. For example, when we learned of my brother’s death we had no cause of death, not even an autopsy, no answers.
    Bad scenario: In the early days when I flew back and forth from London to Germany to run errands and support my family, my mum one time was extra distraught and silent. I asked her what’s going on and she said that an acquaintance of hers said to my mum that my brother probably ended his life, suicide. I became so angry and told my mum to not listen to people who make assumptions that the police didn’t confirm.
    Good scenario: One person who supported me early on (the ONLY line manager to support me) took me out for a drink on the second day of having met me to just speak, and she inquired about my brother. She ASKED a question after listening to what happened: “Do you think he got murdered?” For some this very direct question seems shocking, but for me it was okay, because it was a QUESTION, not an assumption! And it was a direct question that didn’t talk around the bush. Other good and safe questions, if you don’t want to be as direct can also be “What do you think happened?” … “Did anyone else say/see/hear anything…?” Neutral questions… you can never be wrong with honest QUESTIONS, but you can almost always be wrong with assumptions!

 

  • Don’t offer vague help like I mentioned above, “If you need anything, call me” etc. Tell the person what kind of help you can give. Be specific!
    – If you know legal help, tell them, “If you need legal help, I know an organization, a website, a person etc. that can give good advise.”
    – If you love cooking, offer the person food, and plainly cook for them, bring it over EVEN if they lost appetite. I worked in Pret, surrounded by free food every day, but I lost 35kg (25kg in the first 6 months of bereavement). My friends were just amazed at my rapid weight loss, but no-one was alarmed. My fridge was empty, not because I had no money for food, and I certainly had an abundant amount of FREE food at work, but I was exhausted, traumatized to go shopping. My fridge was empty. On my free days I couldn’t go shopping or cook! I was paralyzed in grief and shock. Cooking a meal for a bereaved person, or inviting them to a meal with friends has more to do with not leaving that person alone and having fellowship rather than just eat. A bereaved person WILL say no to invitations, but keep inviting them, keep bringing food unless they make it VERY clear that they do not wish for you to bring any more food etc.
    The more vague and chaotic the traumatized person is, the more specific and consistent you need to be. The traumatized, bereaved etc. person is on a free-fall without the bottom in sight.  Those who are in a good place mentally can bring stability within a hurricane.
    – Offer to clean their house if you see that their surroundings become unusually chaotic, anything out of the ordinary, again offer stability and NORMALCY as best as possible. In 2015 I only cleaned my apartment 3 times, whereas before I cleaned my floors every 2 weeks at least (I don’t wear shoes at home to avoid the dirt from outside, keeping the apartment longer clean). I am known for being very clean and tidy, but that year especially you could SMELL the dust in my apartment! You could literally smell dust and see the footprints like in the snow! But those who came by, either didn’t notice or didn’t know what to do. If you are a good friend and know the person well, just grab a broom or the vacuum cleaner, offer them to walk their dog or babysit their children, especially when they need to run errands and have to work.
    – Offer other bureaucratic help where they are overwhelmed with the paper work that accumulates when you lose someone.
    – Anything you can help with, even the smallest of support, a listening ear, BE SPECIFIC in which area you can help, but be realistic in what you know you can do. Don’t promise something you can’t live up to, don’t say to call you anytime and then get upset when your phone rings at 10pm on Sunday evening. Switch the “If you need any help, call me” to “I can help you with such-and-such, do you want me to look into this? It’s very easy for me as I know this area very well…” etc. If the traumatized or bereaved person senses that this is NO problem for you to do, they will feel much more comfortable to accept help and ask for it.

 

  • Longevity: Do NOT give up. If the bereaved or traumatized person says “no” to an invitation to a Christmas dinner or other support you are specific about, don’t assume they say “no” to next year’s Christmas dinner or birthday party etc. And if they say “no” to the second Christmas dinner, ask them for the third year again, especially if before their loss you celebrated Christmas or Birthdays together every year.

 

  • DON’T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL!!! You are dealing with a person who lost someone, or experienced a traumatic event like rape, a criminal offense, break-in, robbery, injury, grief etc. Trauma is messy and there will be incidences where the person may lash out. This is no excuse and it is okay to tell the person that this hurts you, and to withdraw. But if you know the person usually to not lash out, it’s an indication that they are in a terrible place they don’t know how to get out of.

 

  • Avoid saying things like “You need a therapist”… I was told this many times by friends and strangers, but they told me this in their own anger. And many again did NOT ask questions. If they would have asked if I sought help, they’d know that I went through a dozen counselors since my brother died, but even 5 years later I still haven’t received a diagnosis and because I cannot afford a trauma specialist, I am being passed on from counselor to counselor, many of whom were in training. In England it is not that simple to get help for mental health. Anyone who’s been through this will know.

 

  • RESEARCH for professional help. If your friend has been raped or robbed or bereaved… research those events for help. But keep an open mind as every person is different and grieves differently. Don’t give solutions or answers to their grief, but support and practical help surrounding all the things that loss brings.

 

  • The main important thing, DON’T give up, don’t abandon your friend. Yes, withdraw for a while to refuel or protect yourself, pass on the baton to other friends who may have more strength. But if this is your friend, don’t give up.

 

There are countless other things that can be added, especially from an individual, subjective point of view, but the above I find are a core list of support. I am looking into research of different cultures, how they deal with trauma, grief, death, illness etc. I am aware that I live in the “wrong” society, where individualism is a big one, and most don’t know what to do with the subject of death and grief and tragedy in general.

Grieving parents Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds who lost their 22 year old son Joshua in an accident on a trip in Vietnam, started The Good Grief Project to openly work through their loss and also help other parents through their grief. They make documentaries with and for other grieving parents to start the conversation about death and grief. They work to raise the subject out of the taboo realm.

In 2018 they toured the UK with their film “A Love that Never Dies” and did Q&A at the end of each screening. At the London screening, Jimmy Edmonds said in the Q&A, that in Victorian times people openly spoke about death and grieving. But it was taboo to speak about sex. And today it’s the complete opposite. And I agree, I am really tired of being thrown images and comments about sex in its most detailed form, in its most intimate acts people so flippingly share today with the whole world! Yet, the very subject we all face at any moment: death, dying, grief, loss, we avoid like the pest! We silence death to death!

Let’s talk about sex death, baby!

In memory of my big brother Thomas.

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review: 1. “Late Night Girl’s” Story with Pret and 2. Pushing Back Against Pret.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

©2019 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

My SUPERPOWER

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

I wasn’t a fan of Ricky Gervais. I know he must be funny because he’s big in Hollywood, and I am German, I don’t have humour! I am more a Robin Williams person, or Russell Brand with his fast brain, thinking around 7 corners at the same time, and yet bringing it all together to make sense, sort of…

But what is it with comedians that portray serious and devastating life issues with such conviction?! Sure, isn’t it always the Clown who in reality suffers depression, is suicidal and may be shy in real life? It certainly takes a sensitive person who experienced life in the different facets. Or if personal loss hasn’t graced them yet, observe closely and understand pain even without having to suffer that particular pain. Clowns who can interpret life from all angles in order to be funny and believable!

And it always fascinates me how humans work. I get blocked on Twitter of course, due to my Pret rants. I do these “drive-by” Tweets where someone comments on Pret. And as fast as I drop into the conversation, I drop out again. I do this, because time is short and conversations keep going on. Silly, I know! But I’m like a politician who’s going from door to door knocking. I’m not running for an office, I run an online-marathon of raising awareness of Pret A Manger where two customer deaths were not acted upon until they became public, and where I ask for independent investigations into staff deaths including suicides. How people “vote” in their decision on what they learn, is up to them.

Sometimes the blocks are completely justified because I came across rude, certainly angry etc. Other times, actually the majority of the blocking, is due to simply how bold my Twitter profile is. At times I just “like” a Tweet and boom I get blocked, never having posted to or with the person. I bluntly mention in the few characters Twitter gives me that my brother died and I was bullied in Pret. I know, I know, a great downer from the get go!! What people don’t understand is, that I am not looking for friends or a following. I am very grateful for the support and the people who do follow, especially when they keep following even during my flip-outs! THOSE are the followers/friends/people I care to know. And the conversations that are happening in the background, positive or negative, people don’t see. Thank God!

At one time in a drunken stupor I blocked everyone, kicked all out, unblocked them again because it wasn’t against them personally, I was just overwhelmed with 30 followers that I didn’t even know! I had worse flip-out since my brother died and lost a lot of friends. But what always fascinates me is that some people who block me, because I am too blunt or loud about my story, these same “blockers” follow people like Ruby Wax, Russell Brand and famous people who have had horrific mental pain and/or a serious drug “career” behind them.

They’ve been to the bottom and back. And when they were unknown, I’m sure no-one would have wanted to be around them, let alone follow them on social media. But now, they’re millionaires and turned their trauma and healing into a career. Now they’re funny and they explain hell in a heavenly way! Death, grief, trauma, drug addiction is sanitized now. Now they are popular, it’s acceptable, even desirable to be “wacky”. We follow success. We don’t want to know the people WHILE they are in the mess! Just tell us how crazy you were in your past, we want to know once you are good again! Alright!?

So, I stumbled over this Netflix series with Ricky Gervais, who’s the brains behind, and all the main parts in it again. I saw this Tweet two days ago while I was searching hashtags. A bereaved mother mentioned Gervais’ “Afterlife” series under the #TraumaticGrief hashtag.

I don’t have Netflix anymore, as I unsubscribed from everything including Amazon. But the few snippets of this series are enough to be 1. devastated that it takes the film industry again to 2. understand what bereaved and traumatized people go through!! It takes a film again to show how torturous loss and grief is. No, it’s no excuse to be outrageously rude to people. It’s not about a license to offend, but it’s high time that the subject of grief, trauma, all the messy complications of it are talked about. People die by suicide. It’s called the “silent killer”.

“In 2017, 5,821 suicides were recorded in Great Britain. Of these, 75% were male and 25% were female.” – MentalHealth.org.uk

“Suicide is the single biggest killer of men aged under 45 in the UK.” – TheCalmZone.net

“In the UK, the highest suicide rate was for men aged 45-49.” – Samaritans

So, what does that mean, that we should go around offending people so we won’t kill ourselves? It’s not about a license, it’s about understanding how grief and trauma sometimes manifests. And even though “Afterlife” is dramatized and also polished up, the messiness isn’t as extreme as it is in real life, I understand that the subject has to be accessible for “regular” mortals. One step at a time! And even though I haven’t seen the whole season, I think Gervais succeeded here! And it took someone like Ricky Gervais to do this, so people feel “safe” to test the waters of what will come to all of us eventually.

In our society we push people back into the grief-closet! We love to look with pity on the grieving mother, as long as she’s nice and quiet, hidden away at home. We love her few, little, quiet tears. We offer to be there for her if she needs anything. And we damn right mean it! And she must be okay, because she never calls. And if she goes around offending people, well hell yeah, she’s a bad and rude person! She’s out of line! Get back in line! Get a grip lady! How dare she dump her pain on us! We have lives to live and kids to raise. Don’t bother us with death and grief!

What hit me most from roaming through the various “Afterlife” clips is the one thing that Ricky Gervais says, which was exactly how I felt. Ricky’s character lost his wife to breast cancer. His trauma and pain is so unbearable for him. He turns to cynicism, and it leads him to lash out at anyone with the vilest, darkest, yet colourful barrage of insults. I never used the F-Word until my brother died! I can relate! He offends anyone, except a fellow widow and his dad who suffers dementia. I can also relate. One of the things he says to his therapist in a nutshell is, that when everything fails, he still has his “superpower”, the option to end his life.

When I started publicly to name Pret A Manger and how Pret, under CEO Clive Schlee and their toxic HR department has bullied me during the darkest time of my life, I did with Plan B in mind. I had nothing to lose but life itself. And life that I have is no life. It’s just a blob of existence waiting to end. My full story in the interview at the bottom of this page, but Pret gaslighting me, communicated that my emailing was wrong. Yet, they were having a laugh and stepped all over me from the very top senior leaders using even HQ personnel. When I started naming Pret I was shaking in fear, but I didn’t care anymore. What Ricky Gervais called his “superpower” was my Plan B. I can always end it all and almost did in 2015/16…

I am not advising people to have this strategy for themselves in order to cope with grief, pain and trauma. But it was just how it was for me. And in “Afterlife” Gervais portrays this brilliantly! Everything has stopped for him. Nothing matters anymore. We might as well now do whatever comes to mind.

After having followed all the rules, paid our taxes, loved our closest ones, worked hard, played by the book… with all the imperfections and failings, it all didn’t mean anything in the end… Suicide is the last Superpower and control of a broken person who’s had the foundation underneath their feet pulled away from them!

And maybe sometimes it’s better to watch a film or series like “Afterlife” and scrap all the therapy business!

For anyone who is suicidal, or knows someone who is, and doesn’t feel life is worth living, if you are in or close to London UK, please check out these two charities that support people who are suicidal. They give one-on-one sustained support:

Maytree – Brief intro on YouTube:

.

The Listening Place  – YouTube:

.

I can vouch for the Listening Place from own experience.

So, I have to find myself a way to view “Afterlife”. And I will NOT do a “viewer discretion advised” warning for the YouTube trailer here even though indirectly I just did! But we are not given permission, nor discretion advise when we are born. I had no “viewer discretion” when I received the message of my brother’s death AND cremation via email. I assume that no child under 18 is reading my blog, but if they do, welcome to my blog! Thanks for stopping by. For the rest, I know you Christians out there are big boys and girls, you can handle this.

Thank you Ricky Gervais and everyone involved in this, for your courage to take a shot at this taboo subject that is death, grief, trauma and all the mess of it.

If anyone has Netflix, please check this out. If it is as good as I subject it is, could you feedback? I won’t go back into subscribing to anything in the near future. I lean towards becoming an old woman planting trees.

I worked at Pret A Manger for almost 10 years and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote an article in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.

Interview:

©2019 expret.org

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.

©2017 – Present: expret.org, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

#MentalHealth #FirstWorldProblem & other issues

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

I’ve had one of my “flip-outs” again after a long time of improvement. I’ve hurt some people on Twitter and don’t expect my apology to be taken serious. It’s a circle of trauma, anxiety, anger, and when mixed with alcohol it’s explosive in words.

I really am sorry, but I understand for it to not be taken serious!

I fought on my own, it seems, for so long now since my brother died. And yes, I’ve had support in whatever capacity people can help. And I had plenty a back stabbing. My odyssey through the UK NHS mental health system will be a book in itself. I have been sent away two times from hospital while seeking help, and only people with mental health issues in the UK will understand the challenge to find help. I’m not “fighting” for my own sanity anymore, and maybe shouldn’t fight for others so much. I am waiting for someone to take the “baton” and not rely on my public writing so much. There are groups out there that could do something, but their priorities are in other places.

When you present information like on a silver platter, people seem to rely on you or they fight their own battles. I have to be honest without sounding too gloomy, I have no confidence that there will ever be any investigation into staff deaths in Pret A Manger. Low-wage workers are not worth the effort in this society. And they themselves are too conditioned in fear management to stand up for themselves. They have kids to feed and often left their home country to find a better life. But they find themselves being exploited by millionaires, who smile to the front and ruin lives behind the scenes. And those who do stand up, do so loudly, fight for a while, and then retrieve.

And then there are the silent readers in the background who will take the credit one day, collecting material for their own gain. It’s a selfish society. Prove me wrong if I’m too pessimistic.

People complain to Pret on Twitter about their coffee not having enough milk, or plastic forks stored behind the counter having to ask for it. Then they complain why the plastic cutlery and straws are within reach of customers in this environmental crisis. Others can’t handle that a popular cookie is off sale … and a lot of these complaints have one thing in common, they call this #FirstWorldProblems.

But most people don’t care to know that one #FirstWorldProblem among other issues is exploitation of low-wage employees. And at the same time, customers who spend over £1500+ a year on coffee and snacks, are lulled in to believe this company is an ethical and caring employer. Humans have always been easily bribed with cheap products, as long as it’s occasionally free. Free things make people feel special, not realizing how easily they fall for the cheap marketing and aim too low. And then the company raise prices as someone needs to pay for all the freebies.

Customers are equally exploited. They are treated nice, especially on social media, for their continued custom. Yet, when even customers die due to the neglect and plain complacency of the company, even they don’t get justice.

Years ago a clever feisty man invoiced Pret A Manger and EAT (which is now purchased by JAB via Pret) for time spent waiting in shops. He posted the invoices and email correspondence on his website. He successfully charged Pret, EAT and other companies almost triple of what a sandwich maker earns per hour. He received compensation in cash and vouchers for waiting in shops: “He charged them £25.50 an hour.” And it seems that Pret, EAT & Co. went along for the ride. These millionaires must have had a laugh, throwing around with pennies that low-wage workers slaved for.

2009 Man Invoices Pret

From Telegraph.co.uk article 2009

I’m sure this stint won’t succeed now, but it would be worth a try. If all the customers, that post #FirstWorldProblems of missing cookies and cold coffees, would actually send invoices to Pret & Co. combined as a group, it may be interesting to see how Pret would deal with it now in 2019.

And it’s futile to think that customers, staff, Unions and the press would combined demand answers on why customer deaths where not acted on until it became public, and why staff deaths, especially suicides, are not investigated.

What IS a first world problem? Anything that is supposed to be of less suffering than people dying in other crisis-ridden places?

People die here, too.

Customers from unlabelled products.

Staff by suicide.

Systemic workplace bullying under a toxic HR department and CEO in their profit-driven “leadership” style.

Excruciating work conditions for prolonged times in 40°C heat!

As long as we keep distinguishing between worlds we won’t care for our immediate neighbour!

We will only stand up if we ourselves or our loved ones are affected, and at times if we FEEL first hand what others go through. Other than that we keep separating worlds and peoples, and occasionally give some spare change into far away places, while closing our eyes to the issues right in front of us. Only hindsight will teach us again, often when it’s too late.

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger for almost 10 years and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote an article in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.

Interview:

 

©2019 expret.org

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.

©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

 

A Gag Order on Grief

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I listened to a podcast on grief and how in this society death, dying and grief are taboo and people suffer in silence. In my own term I find that grief is silenced to death! It’s a blunt yet gentle podcast called Grief Out Loud.

In this particular episode “Inviting Grief Out Of The Whisper Corner – Megan Devine” the interviewee mentions that there’s such a “gag order on grief” in this culture, which I found a perfect description on how this society deals with grief and grieving people.

Full eposiode:

 

Another “loud” group, The Good Grief Project, was started by grieving couple Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds, who lost their 22 year old son Josh in a road accident on his trip in Vietnam. They interviewed other grieving parents and in making documentaries toured UK cinemas last year. In a London cinema they had a Q&A they do at the end of the screening, and Jimmy Edmonds said something striking after an audience member mentioned their struggle with loneliness in their grieving process. Jimmy said that in Victorian times it was common and completely normal to talk about death, dying and grief, but it was taboo to talk about sex, and how today it is the complete opposite.

I personally am tired of being swamped with sex images, sex talk, sex this, sex that… and THE inevitable that WILL come to ALL of us, Death, dying and grief is avoided like the pest! And when a loss finally hits us, we hang on a string fighting for life itself as we can’t cope with the onslaught of grief and shock! We were never taught about death and grief being PART of LIFE! We avoided it, we silence it to death, we treat it as if it is an evil to be shunned!

My own grief was very loud from the get go because of how my brother’s death was communicated, was unclear and was handled! Within weeks and after his funeral, flying back and forth, running errands, taking care of family, but still forced to work, I very quickly went to my doctor. I ask for help early on with referral to counseling, as I knew immediately this was too much to handle on my own or just with friends. It was too big for friends as well of course who soon withdrew. I had to hold it up for my family, remained strong until I broke. And we all went lost, each in our journey. And as I acquainted myself to loss and shock after shock, I buried my dad 3 years after my brother.

What I went through at work in Pret A Manger, I write about extensively on this blog and don’t want to go into, except to say for any new reader that I was bullied during bereavement, which I speak about in detail in the audio player at the bottom of this page and all over my website. But I don’t want to get into this too much in this blog entry here, and want to concentrate on the “gag order on grief” that Megan Devine so poignantly describes.

With everything that unfolded with my brother’s death and the added nightmare at work, my grief was 95% pure anger! I went into a mix of autopilot, functioning like a machine I was conditioned in for so long, the anger turned inward as I felt a huge burden of guilt to have let my brother down. And yet I was crying out for help in all the places from mental health institutions, friends, work, online bereavement groups … everywhere I went I mostly met a brick wall of silence or helplessness, and being passed on to another organization. The online bereavement groups frustrated me because all of them were widows who, many of them lost their partners 10, 20 years ago. But here I was having learned about my brother’s death weeks before and had to listen to widow’s experiences. With all the added stress at work, I went on an emailing-spree like a mad-man goes on a shooting-spree. No-one’s fault.

All the complications that grief and loss brings I went into head first, full force! I was like a headless chicken running around trying to make sense of what happened and all the added turmoil at work. A Twilight Zone opened up, like I was dropped in a land full of aliens and stumbled through a mental war zone, trying to figure out who my ally was. “Enemies” popped up at work. And in a fog I tried to navigate through a mine field where my presence became an inconvenience for my superiors. There was no friendly fire, no accidental shot, there was real ambush and the fight for survival in a toxic work environment.

Workplace bullying is already a hostile attack on ones dignity, but going through this during grief, I can only say that in the beginning ignorance was bliss! As I was in shock and turmoil, and even though I felt early on I was targeted, I kept going while mixing it up, blaming my turmoil on my grief.

My friends became overwhelmed and I don’t blame them. I worked in Pret surrounded by food with daily free food allowance, but lost 25kg in the first 6 months of bereavement. I was overweight but lost 35 – 40kg within a year, as I couldn’t eat and only forced myself half a baguette or one banana a day. I stood on my feet for 6 – 10 hours a day and went for walks hours after work. I couldn’t stop walking, like I was looking for my brother or trying to escape the mine field. I don’t know how I survived, but I felt “intoxicated” with adrenaline to get to the bottom of what happened and punished myself with questions of why I let my brother down!

Friends were at a loss, and all I always tried to say to people: You can’t and shan’t fix things! But please also don’t be scarce! You don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do, so let’s do the unknown together… But neither of us could.

It’s just in other words how Megan Devine in above episode says:

»I feel like I’m more able to have no answers for things than I used to be. I like to believe that I’ve always been pretty good at holding space for whatever is going on for somebody, both as a friend and [professionally]. What’s different in my own grief [and others’] is, I’m okay to have no response at all other than my presence.«

In their own helplessness some blamed me, and I had to come up with my own empathy for my friends and understanding for a multi-million pound company! One thought always came to mind early on, when I tried to function as if nothing happened, I always thought in my utter loss and shock, “If in grief, comfort your friends”. But I still don’t know how to do that.

Death will come to all of us. Grief already has. And everyone grieves differently and in different times, length and depth, but whatever everyone’s coping mechanism or culture may be, grief cannot be silenced and my survival is to be loud.

 

»Unquiet Grief«

The wind does blow
today my bro

A few small drops
of rain

I’ll never have
such a brother again

In a cold grave
his ashes remain

I’d do as much
for my true blood
as any sibling may

I’ll sit and mourn
all at his thought
Forever and a day

The months and all these days
‘been rough
the dead began
to speak

Oh, who sits weeping
at the thought of me
and will not
let me sleep

It’s me my brother
who weeps at your fate
and will not let you sleep

I crave one hint
of what occurred to you
and that is all I seek

You crave one hint
of what occurred to me
the truth may be
hefty strong

If you’ve one hint from my
cold grave, sis
your time may not
be long

I ponder and wander to the
past so green
and go where we used to play

The finest mem’ry
that has ever been
is broken down to clay

My live has turned to dust
my kin
so will our hearts decay

So make yourself
content, little sis
till God calls you away

— poetrasblok.com

 

In memory of my big brother Thomas

Text: “Unquiet Grave” originated in the 1400s
Adapted “Unquiet Grief”: poetrasblok.com
Music: Kris Drever / LAU

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger for almost 10 years and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote an article in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.

Interview:

©2019 poetrasblok.com

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.

©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

My interview (podcast)

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

In the below link is an interview with Adam from The Adam Paradox Podcast. He interviewed me on my experience with workplace bullying and Pret.

In the 1 hour 40 minute interview we covered a lot of other issues like gaslighting, “shadow banning” and censorship on social media etc.

Please visit his podcast as well as Twitter @1AdamParadox, he mainly covers workplace bullying and is very well researched and experienced in the subject.

 

 

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather starve and speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote an article in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.

 

©2019 expret.org

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.

©2017 – Present: poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org, LateNightGirl.page.tl unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

My Brother

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

His name is Thomas, he isn’t with us anymore, but his name is still Thomas, that will never change.

When I started this website and blog I started it as poetrasblok.com, which still runs under this name as well as now also under LateNightGirl.org

Initially I only wrote about my brother as only poetrasblok with poems and videos I made for him and posted on this site. But after my ordeal with Pret A Manger, having also lost my father in March 2018 as well, I started to add the latenightgirl URL to write about my traumatic experience in Pret and show another side behind the PR[et] facade that almost ended my life.

Even while I dislike having my brother’s memory share one website with my Pret ordeal, I will eventually turn this site back to re-upload some of the poems and videos, and solely write about my brother as well as life in general. As this site has become quite large I periodically hide post entries that don’t seem important at a certain time, so that readers won’t be cluttered with too many blog entries to sieve through, and are lead to posts faster that I find important to share.

I currently don’t have the finances to start a second website for solely my Pret experience, and don’t have the strength to work on two website simultaneously at the moment. But in time I will separate the two sites, as my brother deserves his own space and website in his memory, and not share space with this toxic, greedy and dishonest company that is Pret A Manger.

At times my writings seem angry or bitter to the reader, that may be, but I am not apologizing for it. I almost lost my life in Pret after having worked with integrity, care and skill for almost 10 years. And all that happened to me was that my brother died, and I then became an inconvenience to Pret. My writing helps me overcome this trauma, and at the same time expose this company for what they really are.

Why I became a “late night girl”

In memory of my brother.

animated-candle-gif-29

Looking for a song for siblings loss. Tom Rosenthal’s for now is the best general grief song I can find.

»It’s OK«  Tom Rosenthal

14 TK crop

Thomas K. *25.02.1969 ~ †09.12.2014

©2018 expret.org

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – Present expret.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Unquiet Grief

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

 

Unquiet Grief

The wind does blow
today my bro

A few small drops
of rain

I’ll never have
such a brother again

In a cold grave
his ashes remain

I’d do as much
for my true blood
as any sibling may

I’ll sit and mourn
all at his thought

Forever
and a day

The months
and the days
been rough
the dead began
to speak

Oh, who sits weeping
at the thought of me
and will not
let me sleep

It’s me my brother
who weeps at your fate
and will not let you sleep

I crave one hint
of what occurred to you
and that is all I seek

You crave one hint
of what occurred to me
the truth may be
hefty strong

If you’ve one hint from my
cold grave, sis
your time may not
be long

I stand and wonder
at the past so green
and go where we used to play

The finest mem’ry
that has ever been
is broken down to clay

My life has turned to dust,
my kin
so will our hearts decay

So make yourself
content, little sis
till God calls you away

— for my brother who just left like that.

 

“Unquiet Grave” 15th century folk-tale

Music: Kris Drever / LAU

 

©2016/2018 poetrasblok.com

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – Present poetrasblok.com, expret.org, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

 

When His Ash was Still Warm

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

I must have been asleep
or working in the heated environment
of Pret A Manger
where there is no break from
customers
or bullying managers

My brother’s ashes must have just
come out of the furnace
when I had lunch, maybe?
Or was I at a concert?

I know that I was at a gig of
Piers Faccini on the 8th Dec. 2014
in London
a day before my brother
supposedly died + – a day or so
in Germany

I got a letter from court
two days ago
from the court in the city
where my family lives
reminding me after their
initial letter from April
to inform them
of my brother’s address
to be informed
of my dad’s last will
that he made 30 years ago
when we were kids

And I’m still thinking
why I am so fooled to believe
in a German system of efficiency
and registry

And I want to burn my German ID card
as it is of no use to find next of kin
should I just be burned after leaving

I decided not to answer the court
that wasted their postage on me
because they are the Law
they are a court
that need to get up and
investigate properly

My brother’s ashes are cold now
and I have come accustomed to
the tough soil
after 3+ years
that I was burning in grief
after I heard the news
and desperately trying
to unburn him
while being chased
and shoved around
abandoned
and torched with scorn
left on the wayside
at Pret A Manger

And I have nothing to give
not even a thought

My mind is empty
of any thought

©2018 PoetrasBlok.com 

 

Bild010_Neg.Nr.11

 

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, expret.org, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – Present poetrasblok.com, expret.org, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

 

The Cost of Systemic Workplace Bullying – 2

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

As I tend to not want to waste time as life is short and no-one is guaranteed another second on this earth, I went straight into the ultimate cost of systemic workplace bullying in my first post, the cost of life. Death by suicide.

In this second post I want to highlight a precursor to suicide: mental health, mental illness in all its forms.

What bullying does to mental health and how I am experiencing it in my struggle to recover is very simple.

 

pexels-photo-278303

 

Systemic bullying sends a distorted and twisted message to the mind.

In a nutshell, if you are in a room with 10 people and 1 person is treating you disrespectfully or attacks you, while 9 people treat you kindly and respectfully, you think to yourself ‘What’s wrong with that person?’

If you are in a room with ten people and 1 person is treating you respectfully and kind, while 9 people treat you with contempt, disrespectfully, attack or exclude you, you think to yourself ‘What’s wrong with me?’

That is what systemic bullying does to the mind and mental health.

Systemic bullying from a group is like democracy gone wrong!

It is not always the majority that is right! It is the majority that is set up of individuals who have their own set of “values”. They have little to no values and principles that are universal and that robs them of courage, blinding them to opportunities to make a positive, and sometimes even life-saving difference.

 

pexels-photo-568021

 

One of my favourite poems by Emily Dickinson, which I interpret in my own way and a favourite poem in general, always reminds me to chose my crowd carefully:

 

The Soul selects her own Society —
Then — shuts the Door —
To her divine Majority —
Present no more —

Unmoved — she notes the Chariots — pausing —
At her low Gate —
Unmoved — an Emperor be kneeling
Upon her Mat —

I’ve known her — from an ample nation —
Choose One —
Then — close the Valves of her attention —
Like Stone — 

 --- Emily Dickinson

 

I choose my society based on the values that I have. And if a majority chooses to bully an individual or a certain people group, then there is something wrong at the foundation of the values and principles of that majority.

If a company does not have a clear zero tolerance on workplace bullying, than I question the foundation on which this company builds their “values” on.

Mental illness is the cost of systemic bullying and is the precursor to suicide.

Is this really the legacy and the cost a company is willing to have on their record, as I believe things will always come to light sooner or later, unless it is dealt with from the root at top levels.

 

Bullying at work

 

©2018 expret.org

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2020 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Quote of the Day #8 – Pret A Blackmail

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“Pros Here’s my list of pros during my long tenure at Pret A Manger: Co-workers, Customers, Free Food, Compensation, Mystery shopper bonus, and 2 galas Yearly!……..The C.E.O and his partners has always been Pleasant to me.

Cons: In Spite of the wonderful Pros of this company, Your subjected to emotional blackmail and serious labor issues with Most shops being run by Unprofessional and Bias Managerial staff backed by a corrupted HR Dept.

Advice to Management: The Core Values you instill in your Employees are Virtuous , And is the the secret to your success!…..On the Contrary, I strongly suggest a Labor Union!, so employees that are treated unfair have a platform for their voice to be heard without resentment or the sinuous backlash from your Inadequate Managerial staff & Flout HR Dept.!!!! who support them.”

 

Quote of the Day: “On the Contrary, I strongly suggest a Labor Union!, so employees that are treated unfair have a platform for their voice to be heard without resentment or the sinuous backlash from your Inadequate Managerial staff & Flout HR Dept.!!!! who support them.”

 

It is true that the CEO is pleasant to people, speaking informally, courteously etc. But what use is this when the majority of “leaders” and line managers are rude, disrespectful, discriminatory and bullying towards the teams they have been entrusted with. And this on a daily basis. “Leaders” who are no leaders at all. When I was a team leader I never saw the shop and the team as my property! I didn’t own them. I was entrusted with a team and a job and didn’t take that lightly. Maybe I’m just too old school, but I do believe that a leader is what is says in the word, they “lead”. They lead by example which unfortunately includes bad example. And the team member that they lead learn from this and want to climb up the leadership ladder very quick to escape from the bad leadership. Then they become leaders themselves following the bad example and just choose the easy road by loading it over their team. Very very sad.

Hardly anyone understands what true leadership means. That the Captain of the ship jumps ship as the last person, not the first! A true leader does not blame downwards, but takes responsibility, and like a Captain steers the ship away from danger and safely to its destination. A bad leader will crumble as soon as a little wind blows, not to mention a storm.

If the CEO of Pret, or of any company at that, closes his eyes to mistreatment like I have experienced to the point of becoming suicidal and what many others have shared, then what is really behind this “pleasantness”? In fact if a CEO does not change this system that he has the power to change and set the tone, than I really question the “niceness” and pleasantness of this CEO.

The CEO of Pret is very in-tuned with what is happening on the shop floor and in HQ. He is not like the “Undercover Boss” in the TV show who goes “down” to the workers undercover to see and learn where the problems are and how he can change it. Pret’s CEO regularly visits shops, speaks with the team members, and maybe that is his job, to lull the staff, making them believe that Pret is so wonderful and caring for them. Then he leaves the shops again, and the turmoil continues. He knows exactly what is going on but does not change the atmosphere and the terrible behaviour of his line managers.

That is why I am so outspoken because he isn’t sitting in a high-rise building, locked away in an office all day, holding meetings and being out of touch. Pret’s CEO is very aware of how his managers behave. He is not able to say that he doesn’t know what’s going on at the “front-lines” of the business. He knows very well and is with this even enabling and encouraging poor management and repeated mistreatment. And as the reviewer mentioned, which in my 10 years in Pret, I have also experienced that this is happening in most shops! These are not isolated incidences or black sheep, this is a system. There are exceptions where there are good managers, but they don’t hold out long as they are not “cut throat” business people, they refuse to mistreat their staff for more profit. Employees suffer. As the saying goes that “the fish stinks from its head” and many managers confirm this, of course privately. Don’t worry current GM, I wont tell on you!

It used to extremely annoy me when I saw my line manager’s hypocrisy when senior leaders walked in the door, how nice the managers suddenly were, and then when the “big guns” left again, the poor management went back to their business as usual. The majority of team members I’ve worked with have no respect for their line managers. They just have kids to feed and bills to pay, so they just keep their heads down and dare not speak up except anonymously.

To me the bottom line is, if there are multiple issues with line managers, one has to follow the thread right up to the very top and ask some questions. As a CEO, being nice and pleasant to staff is to me just a very good mask to facade the deeper problems people experience on a daily basis. It is a very clever strategy to get staff on the side of the CEO and with it the company. It is like the “good cop / bad cop” situation. The CEO is the good cop, and the line manager is the bad cop, but both cops have one goal: get as much money in as possible no matter of the cost of staff’s mental health. Just run with it. And the middle man, HR, is cleaning up the mess.

The nice CEO of Pret A Manger gave me the nickname I am writing under: Late Night Girl, after my ill emailing to Pret and others late at night. To be having a laugh about my trauma and mental illness while I had a disciplinary for it. A disciplinary which I received from a Development Manager, who supposedly lost her brother similarly to me, but then entered into (unallowed but cleverly planned) personal contact. This confused and distressed me further and increased my ill behaviour. I was subsequently unfairly dismissed three days after Christmas 2017 while my father was in intensive care, just having woken out from his three week coma.

This is how pleasant the CEO of Pret A Manger and his (quoting the reviewer) “corrupt” HR department are.

I certainly feel like a throw-away cup dumped into the bin among all the other “useless” cups that are an inconvenient for them, sick and broken. After giving their service and help this business thrive, they are of no use anymore. Pret, you don’t deserve the caliber of people who work for you, you take them for granted, they are nothing to you.

Pret and CEO, you have more than let me down. You are letting your staff down, those who give of their time, skills and energy, those who make your business happen, you let them down.

But dear Pret, what you don’t realize is, I am in the recycling process. And like a rough diamond that has been through the fire and is being painfully but carefully polished, I hate to think of it in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s accent, but “I’ll be back!” … on track and speak of my ordeal for the rest of my life, and help some people along the way!

 

Recycle Cups

 

 

Quote #8 2July18

NYC Review

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Workplace Bullying Costs Lives

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)6 Comments

not only money!

Regarding my trauma and Pret Staff Complaints.

The following is the best video lesson on workplace bullying out there, at least that I know of.

If you can spare 12 mins to watch this, it may help detect workplace bullying (and any bullying at that) earlier, as this is often very subtle. And please pass this on, it may even make a person who bullies or those who witness it rethink their actions.

One quote from the video: “Bullying is a form of violence.”

… costs lives

At around 4:55 min, quote: “… Employers just get more creative avoiding the issue, forcing targets down formal grievance procedures, rather than taking the matter in hand. Organizations committed to stamping out bullying are proactive, they don’t make the injured party drive the process.” This is exactly what I went through, being diverted to raise grievance after grievance in a toxic environment that I had no chance to tackle the problem. In my anger and being sarcastic to cope with this I wrote my own “how to’s” on grievance hearings and how to conduct them fairly and truly impartial.

If you feel bullied or if you witness someone being bullied, please get help. Do not be silent, don’t look away, and don’t take part in the bullying. Don’t be intimidated by being enticed to join the bullies, even if this means you will get yourself into trouble. You won’t stay in trouble forever and in the long-run you will gain true friends, true supporters and will be able to sleep at night. When people play with unfair cards and you join an unfair game, you will be dealt with unfair cards in time to come by the same people you supported.

Or take it the other way around: when you stand by and support a vulnerable person who’s being mistreated, one day that vulnerable person may become strong again, maybe even influential. And maybe your paths cross again, imagine how this person who has become strong again and maybe even influential, may remember you. I for myself remember those who helped me more than those who mistreated me. We should never forget that life is an up and down. People will not always be at the top or at the bottom. Life is not a straight line but a journey through valleys, mountains, on water, through the desert, in an oasis…

The last thing I would want to have is an encounter with a person who used to be vulnerable, was bullied during their darkest time and I just stood there watching or even worse being part of a mob. I would not want to meet that person again, especially when they regained their strength back. I am not talking about revenge or bitterness, I am talking about missed opportunities to make a positive impact in someone’s life.

Stand by the one who is being bullied and then you are already two. Maybe a third person joins you and the target, and then you would be three… and before you know it you have outgrown the mob and brought to light what is actually happening. Point the light on it, raise the volume up, but don’t look away!

As the narrator of this video says right at the beginning, “[bullying] thrives in silence”, as does all wrong doing!

In my worst time, two days before the first anniversary of my brother’s death I was bullied so extensively that I still can’t understand how I went through this. I still suffer and am paranoid that people are “out to get me”.

Whatever you do to get help, do NOT stay alone! Take it from me, you will have no chance, no matter how right you are or how the facts and evidence is on your side, a “mob” of people, especially people in high positions who have the power and resources will back each other, lie, continue to bully in more subtle ways. Keep gathering evidence, even if just writing events and conversations down in a journal. But do not stay alone!

I wasted three years during an already extremely traumatizing time of bereavement, being bullied and trying to change the work environment, playing with open cards, naively giving them the benefit of the doubt, and in my trauma even blamed myself. And they conveniently turned it around transforming me from the victim to the villain at times.

I became very angry and ill, not dealing well with this nightmare. I lashed out, helplessly, cried out for help, started to drink which is another building site I’m working on, raised grievance after grievance that where conducted in a flawed way, was tricked and trapped again and again.

I will eventually turn my “rants” into a softer tone again, but for now this is how I write because I almost lost my life.

pexels-photo-339814

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Quote of the Day #5 – Pret A Fear

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

This is a General Manager’s review with over 10 years of service.

 

“Great company in risk of ruin!

I have been working at Pret A Manger full-time (More than 10 years)

Pros: Worked with some of the most amazing people ever! Fun culture (although this is becoming less) fantastic training

Cons: Forced to work without pay, expected to work during annual holiday, pressure on profit leading to unsafe food practices, bullying tactics used by Heads, unfair salaries, descrimination…….

 

Advice to Management: Please get the bullies out and revive Pret to its former glory. Used to be the most amazing company to work for, a job to be proud of. Now your people work in fear…..its time to listen!”

 — A General Manager

 

Quote of the Day Pret #5

 

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – 2019 poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

On the 10th Nov. 2017

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)5 Comments

 

I received a Whatsapp from my aunt informing me that my dad was admitted into hospital. She said that he is conscious and in stable condition, but no other info.

I answered and the first thing I told her was to not give me any bad news, especially a death message via text. Please.

Call me.

She and her husband found my dad in his flat on the floor. He was conscious, but struggling to breathe and not able to respond or talk. He was lying on his stomach which saved him from suffocating, because he had vomited.

On the 11th of November I flew over. When I arrived in hospital, he was already in a coma.

The doctors only knew at this point that his sugar levels were too high. Nothing else.

For three weeks I stood by his side, extended my holiday, while they tried to get him out of the coma again. After three weeks he finally woke up. I was there when he woke up. I was there when he spoke again. I was there when they put him in a chair.

Only when he was awake again was it possible for the computer scan to properly read the brain cells, as the scan cannot read well when the brain is “shut down” sleeping. Only while awake could it be seen that he had a stroke. He survived for approx. 1 to 2 days in his flat. We only estimated from the time a neighbour saw him last on a Wednesday afternoon and to the time he was found on late Friday morning. He was only found because he didn’t turn up to the weekly lunch with my aunt on Thursdays 1pm. He didn’t pick up his phone when they called and just thought he forgot and is out and about as he was really active, visiting people and places with the train. He must have at least laid on his floor 21-24 hours minimum.

It was devastating to see his corrosive wounds in hospital, where parts on his body, the skin was black from the acid body fluids. His ring and small finger on his right hand was almost completely black like a coal in a fire, as his stomach was laying on his right hand when he landed on the floor, stopping oxygen to get through to his arm and hand. I worried if it would need to be amputated and was about to beg the doctors to please not haste with any decision. But the doctors calmed my hysteria and said, “Let’s see first how it heals”. I always thought that doctors are quick to cut and snip snap chop away anything that seems to be irreversibly “kaputt”. And indeed, fortunately after a few months it mostly healed and only fainted shades on the skin were visible. His small finger was the last visible wound in the end that only needed a tiny plaster on the fingertip. It is amazing how the human body is capable to heal with time.

But It was the first time ever that my father was in hospital. He never had to be operated on or needed to be in hospital. Just the usual GP visits. A very strong person. I expected him to throw fits, as he was so independent all of his life and had a very strong will and opinions. But to my surprise I saw a side of him I never knew existed. He cooperated in everything so unbelievably well unlike my mum, who was in hospital just 3 months before, having had a scary operation on the spine. I was already on a roll of flying back and forth between London and German hospitals and rehabs. My dad of course was complaining at times, but he also was joking around with the nurses and doctors. He surprised me. But it made the whole ordeal more bearable and I regained strength during really dark periods of downward fear and renewed anger, as I was in the process of losing my job in the midst of this nightmare.

I flew back and forth to work and in-between I lost my job as I got fired because of my mentally ill emailing. I was already informed while I was at my father’s bedside, that there is an ongoing investigation because my emailing increased, which I explain in another post why it increased. I received a disciplinary from a develop manager who supposedly lost her brother similarly to mine. She then entered into secret, solely electronic communication for which she disciplined me in the first place, making the disciplinary not valid. Pret tricked me again with this. But this crossed a line that lead me to speak openly now.

The HR department got me fired three days after Christmas and shortly after my father woke up from the coma. I used all the money they paid me out, to fly back and forth to look after my dad and his affairs as well as for a job back in London. It was like a repeat with my brother, but this time I had the chance to see my father alive. It was also a repeat from months before when my mum was in hospital. She had an OP in September a day after her birthday. I saw my dad only once then for lunch at my aunt’s house, because I spent every day in hospital and in rehab with my mum, and running errands for her. So, I was on a roll and here again I flew back and forth to be with him and run errands for him and also take care of some things for my mother. It was hard on her seeing me like this, and she didn’t know what to do. She was hard with me after her OP in September, she was so tough that I wanted to withdraw from her. I learned later that some people, especially when they are older, become rude and angry after a major operation.

My mother who is usually meek and helpful in her own way became angry, while my father who is usually strong willed and angry became softer after his stroke and coma. You just never know how people react after a major event in their lives with all the trauma and also the chemicals in the brain affecting their conduct. Makes me feel sorry for all the folk who had to deal with my trauma after my brother died and the bullying at work on top of it. It also makes me worry for any persons when I am of age in hospital or a care home. I’m trying to plan ahead to not give people a hard time. But this unfortunately cannot be predicted.

 

My father has died now, five days after I visited him last and four days after I last spoke with him on the phone from London. When I was back home I’d call him every day, at times he was in therapy, and other times I was able to speak with him and hear about his progress. I saw his progress, but it was a constant up and down. After rehab he was taken to a dementia ward closer to the town where he lived, so that relatives would be able to be with him more often. But 2 days after I left him to fly back to London for my job-search even though I felt incapable to work, they admitted him back into hospital as his health suddenly took a nose dive. Confused about this, because he seemed to make progress again, I immediately booked a flight after just having arrived home 2 days before. But I sensed it was important to be with him for at least one week.

I had everything booked, flights, a hotel room that was really cheap on the hospital grounds they have for family members who live far away. I managed to get a whole week after first being told that everything is booked out. But I persisted and contacted other administrators and any number I could find on their website in connection with booking a room. And suddenly I got a room for the whole week. I planned to be with him, but this time without driving back and forth between hospital and his flat to organize and bring him things. I also planned to not see my mum, as I wanted to be with my father 24/7 so-to-speak. But it was not meant to be. He decided almost 2 days before I’d arrive to call it a day. He knew when I was coming if he hasn’t forgotten it, because I asked the nurse to always greet him, letting him know that I called and have an eye on him. And this time I asked to please tell him that I will be there on Wednesday. But from Sunday to Monday night he might have thought that it wasn’t a good idea for me to see him like this any longer.

I never ever let my dad know that I was fired while he was in intensive care, and that I was bullied during grief after my brother died. I cheered him up. We laughed at times and he told me a lot about his life and his dad, his train collection and his work as a student. He could not tell me anything regarding recent years, but he remembered things from decades ago. And he remembered correctly, because I knew these stories from childhood on. But recent events were hard to recollect for him. A typical thing with dementia. He kept telling me about his VW Beagle “downstairs”. I never knew he had a Beagle, must have been from his student days. I asked him surprised, “You had a Beagle?” as I love Beagles and drove one from a friend when I lived in the U.S. for a while. He insisted that he needs to get the keys for his Beagle downstairs. I stopped correcting him and just entered into his world and said, that we first need to make sure that he gets back up on his feet, and then we’ll go and travel. He loved to travel by train. He nodded and agreed. And then the Beagle story was done for a while until next time when he talked about his Beagle again.

1953-03 Oldtimer

After he died and I had to clear out his flat and took with me the most precious items like papers, photos etc. I found one picture which must have been the car from his father, my grandfather. I was never able to find out whose Beagle this was. And I wish this photo could be turned into its original colour as my father spoke about his “green” Beagle. Unless he mixed it up with the later cars we had in our family, they were always from Opel, or as it is known in the UK as Vauxhall. I grew up with only 3 cars we had, always from Opel. The last two cars were both green.

1972-06-03 WAT Opel

 

1979 Ravensburg

 

1983 Opel Daubr

After a minor accident to the right rear side, the repaired door still needed to be painted green.

As green happens to be my favourite colour, my father either just imagined his or his dad’s VW Beagle to have been green, or this choice of colour for a car really ran in the family with family cars all having been green. In hindsight, I never knew what my dad’s favourite colour was. I’ll make it a “mission” to ask my mum, and also what her favourite colour is and any little detail like that…

 

A week before he died he tried to walk again. He was at times so strangely lively, while at other times just nodding off all day. But physio therapy is hard work. I just entered into his world and adjusted to his version of happenings and agreed that I’ll keep an eye on his VW Beagle downstairs.

But his last week I was able to hold him up while he walked a few steps. He just suddenly had this urge to walk. He got up from his wheelchair in which he would drive himself around the ward. He would do something with his hands like he was holding something, but he could never explain what he was doing when I asked him what he is holding in his hands. One time when I asked him if he was holding a thread or cord, as it looked like he was organizing some shoe laces or a thread that gotten tangled up in knots. One time he answered that he was doing “Kleinkram” meaning “small stuff” or bits and pieces. Painfully perplexed at his delusional hand gestures, I noticed very quickly with the other dementia patients, that this seems a common thing that a person with dementia does. While my dad was still in rehab and I’d see him do this for the first time and I pointed it out to a nurse, who was equally perplexed, I got scared. But seeing this later with some of the other people with dementia, I quickly relaxed and just went along with it.

He just got up from his wheelchair holding himself up by the railing, with me supporting him to not fall over. He then gave me something, whatever imaginary item he was holding, he handed it to me to hold it for him as he tried to hold on with both hands to the railing. I just took this “thing” and said to him “Dad, I’m just gonna put this down on this chair here, so my hands are free to hold you up, so we can walk a little bit.” He said, “Ok”, and then we walked a few steps before he sat back into his wheelchair exhausted.

This time was the most traumatic and also most important time to be with him. To see him so weak and broken, and to speak with him, even though his dementia made it painful as well as funny sometimes, in-between the clear sentences. He had to laugh about his own words sometimes when he had clear moments and looked confused why he said something weird. But I was able to make my peace for difficult times when I grew up. I was able to say my silent goodbyes, while giving him whatever family he had left by his side. It was important. I was never able to say goodbye to my brother as the police just cremated him without finding us first. German efficiency, hey!

Some of the things my father would say, it was clear he felt he was near the end of his life, so I just spent a lot of time just letting him speak about the past as he couldn’t remember yesterday, but he remembered 50 years ago. At times he would gesture with his hand in front of his face, moving to the left and right and say, “I’ve become nuts.” And I’d say, “No dad, you had a stroke, you were in a coma and are receiving lots of medication. It is normal to be mixed up and forget things and in your age it is normal to be somewhat forgetful.” He seemed to relax and continued to talk about his youth. He had some dementia already before the stroke, but it really became worse after it.

So I wanting to spend more time with him when I booked everything after he was admitted again into hospital. I wanted to be there again, without leaving his side to run errands or visit my mum in another town. Maybe I sensed this would be my final visit.

I buried him close to my brother.

I still cannot work or function well after these three years.

I can only say that Pret A Manger is not a place to work for, I wasted 10 years of hard work and loyalty. They’ve hurt me. Pret is not concerned for their workforce. They are just interested in the money coming in, no matter about the cost in the health of their workforce. They don’t care if people are bereaved, ill or their family is in hospital. If they can get rid of any “inconvenient” employee, they will find a way.

The care that is in place is just to cover themselves. I was too loud, tried too hard and made too many mistakes. But I survived and aim to live to keep telling my story.

In memory of my father.

1957 WK 18 Jahre Alt

 

1971-07-14 WK PK2 crop

 

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – Present: poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org, expret.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved.

 

You Went Gone (death came and got me)

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

For my big brother.

I miss ya….

 

(»You Went Gone« by LateNightGirl.org aka pk4tk / »Death Came and Got Me« by Rosie Thomas – text slightly amended by me.)

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

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“This is my Letter to the World,

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

That never wrote to me,–
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.
Her message is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me”

— Emily Dickinson

 

Dear World,

if you read through this weird and crazy blog and website, I am still in the period of “peace before the storm”, as a powerful company will try one last time to crush me.

I wish I could say that I am healed and moved on, and my blog here isn’t as much with “tender majesty” as I would have hoped to write. But the pain and trauma I still go through seems too grave to recover from. I had often had two choices for my life, I either end my life or openly write down my story, or both.

But I have abandoned the thought of suicide, as this would not help anyone. Half my family is gone, I don’t need to put more grief on whoever is left. And my friends who helped and supported me as best as they could, I couldn’t do that to them. That wouldn’t be fair on them. And I decided no matter what they do to me, no matter how huge the pain and panic attacks and hopelessness, my life is in God’s hands and I want to learn to let him judge and have the final word. I’m not there yet, but my suicidal days are over.

And anyone who struggles or knows someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts and lives in or around London, check out this amazing charity that was started by 2 Samaritans: The Listening Place, their non-judgemental and patient approach takes the sting out of this taboo subject. And also Maytree. Add your own from your own city and don’t struggle or let others struggle alone.

Thank you for reading.

Kind regards,

Logo Late Night Girl NO grief

 

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

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Picking on Cannibals

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The second year into my bereavement after my brother died, I went on my usual walks that I started since learning of the news. I used to not like to walk much, as I was on my feet between 8 to 10 hours a day at work in a stressful fast pace environment. But I just started to walk and walk and walk like a “walkaholic”. I would often walk on my days off and even after work for another 2, 4 or even 6 hours straight, being on my feet between 10 and 14 hours a day. One day I walked about 30 miles without stopping. It took a while for the blisters to heal, and my black and blue toenails to grow out again.

I lost a lot of my “body”, tears and sweat on the streets of London. In one of those walks on my way back home I was close to home, about 15 minutes away where I walked through the rain with my umbrella and hooded coat. I was well wrapped up and warm, with only my face uncovered. The rain has stopped, the umbrella dangling on my arm, it was dark as it was winter. I don’t know if it was because I was wearing dark clothes, hard to see me, or if the driver had a laugh when he/she drove fast through the huge water puddle that didn’t drain by the pedestrian walk, showering me from head to toe. I had to spit muddy water out of my mouth. I just stood there frozen in shock for a while in the dark, thinking, what else now?! Can it get any “better” than this! Can someone please throw some more shit at me?!! Is this “Pick-On-Me-Day” never stopping? I was too numb to even get mad at the driver, and in a slow pace just kept moving towards home, tears mixing with the muddy water and a long hot shower later.

But on one of those walks in this second year of grief, I passed by under a bridge close to home on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I was shocked to see what later brought me great regret. Under that bridge on the pavement a pigeon was sitting bleeding, not able to move and about 4 or 5 other pigeons stood around that injured pigeon literally picking on it. I understood suddenly where the term “picking on somebody” came from. Here was a vulnerable, broken, injured creature and the strong, healthy creatures of its own “race” so-to-speak, were picking on it while it couldn’t fend for itself. I chased the pigeons away and stood by the bird for a while trying to figure out how to help it.

 

pigeons-3268990__340

 

I had no bags or extra clothing with me to pick it up and bring it somewhere. Where could I bring it? The vet I know is too far away, and having this pigeon in my hands in the bus, would I even be allowed on the bus? And which vet would do something for a wild injured pigeon? I didn’t have the funds for an injection to put it down, as these are quite expensive from my experience with pets years ago. How selfish of me to think about money! What a hypocrite I was!

If I had a bag I could have placed it inside, and if the pigeon was too injured to recover, I could have just “smashed” it with one hard blow, to put it out of its misery. But doing that, I would have gotten into trouble as London is plastered with cameras. There was a newspaper article all over the press years ago of a woman in a residential street walking by a cat that sat on a little wall of a front yard of a house. The woman stopped, petted the cat for a while and than put the cat in the rubbish bin! The outcry was huge of course. What on earth was with that woman?! So, I saw the headline in the Daily Mail already in my minds eye: “Evil woman smashes poor pigeon against the wall” of course completely taking my “charity” out of context.

 

 

Woman throws cat into wheelie bin

And of course some sitcom afterwards:

 

 

Revenge of the cat

I’m sure my own ill behaviour can fill enough sitcoms! But I was too “OCD” to pick up the pigeon with my bare hands. I had no jacket or extra layer of clothing as it was warm that day. I stood there for a while protecting it while it just sat there starring, probably completely traumatized, in front of itself.

I thought about how my superiors at work picked on me in groups, as I figuratively speaking was lying injured on the ground in grief and trauma, and no one was doing anything about it. No one chased those pigeons away and picked me up to go to the doctor. This time was the darkest and most fogged up period. And later when some support did come in after having involved the CEO, I’d never dreamed to be even writing to the top leadership, not even in a good way, I was always holding my head down, slow to complain to leaders, dealing with challenges by myself as long as possible.

And all the HQ people that got involved, each for their own gain or ego boost or studies picking bits and pieces off me, whatever suited them and they could use. The Head of HR wanted me on a scale from 1-10 to give feedback how it is meeting him, where I needed to meet with my line managers! The development manager who was used at the end “helped” herself to material for her essay. An OPs manager snatched me away from a manger I finally felt had integrity and hard work, just to be in that OPs managers area to raise the standard of one of his shops again. The previous OPs before that being happy for me to bring pages of ideas for improving the Mystery Shopper, promising me incentives if my shop improved, even though we had almost always perfect scores. And then not living up to the promises. … Person after person chipping away from my contributions and using my talents, vulnerability, skills, insights like I was a supermarket! The only thing though, they all forgot to pay! Taking their pick off my table leaving me stranded again. Well, you’re welcome, I survived to write about it.

With the pigeon I did a terrible thing, and any animal rights activist should condemn me. But after standing guard by the pigeon for a while, with my brother’s broken body on my mind, I left the pigeon and am sure the other pigeons returned later to finish it off. How angry I got at myself while I walked away. Why didn’t I just use my bare hands to bring it somewhere?

My heart wasn’t as big as Robert Burns’ heart when he accidentally disturbed a field mouse that was running away from him, while he was ploughing the field when he couldn’t afford to solely live off his poetry which he did from time to time. But back to farming he ploughed right through the “house” of the mouse. He later wrote one of my favourite poems “To A Mouse”, apologizing for having ruined the dwelling place of that little creature. I still cannot write my apology to a pigeon who needed help desperately! I can’t find words that “rhyme” with my hypocrisy.

When I checked back the next day, because I condemned my cowardliness, I couldn’t live with myself, there was no pigeon anymore, not even a dead one or feathers or blood around the area, nothing. And in fooling myself with wishful thinking I thought, maybe someone else was more heroic than I was, and picked it up before the other pigeons continued their picking on a weak one of theirs. Unlike with elephants who come together when one of their own is injured or has died. They grieve in a circle around the injured or dead. A lot can be learned from those gentle giants.

 

 

Elephants doing the right thing naturally

 

 

 

Wild elephants “mourn”

Since then, when I see an animal, certainly a human in trouble, I aim to find a way to see how they can get help. I always tried to protect humans from bullying, back in school, at work, but that day I was frozen again in shock that a metaphor of “picking on someone” was unfolding right in front of me, not as a metaphor anymore, but a real torturous event happening.

Pigeons that I grew up with in my city as a kid, that were raised in pigeon breeding clubs famous in the area in the deep West of Germany. Pigeons I saw flying in huge groups, dancing in the sky, being trained to fly to places and then return again.

 

Pigeons

I was in awe how humans can train birds who are free to fly where-ever they want to, without borders or cages. And yet, they always returned.

But I lost my awe for pigeons that day. And respect for myself. Trying still to forgive myself.

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Pret is Recruiting

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

… and £1000 is the carrot.

 

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I write so “blunt” because I almost lost my life.

Pret minus Bridgepoint + the German JAB Holding Company + Luxembourg = No tax.

Pret has arrived in tax haven!

Forget VAT Eat in or Take Away.

As a side-note at the start, Pret became aware of my blog and website here late on the 28th to the 29th May. The CEO of Pret tweeted the below at night on the 29. May probably as a reaction to my blog? Maybe not. As I don’t believe in coincidence anymore I see tricks and traps on many a corner.

I almost lost my life working in Pret, having been bullied during bereavement and with all the tricks and traps HR dealt me with. I wasted my sweat, blood and tears for close to 10 years in this company. It is my biggest regret in life.

Pret’s slogan is “Doing the right thing naturally”. But THIS is what Pret does “naturally” behind their shiny facade: Pret Staff Complaints on various Employment Review websites and YouTube and my traumatic experience.

 

The CEO working the PR(et) machine:

 

12K vs 20K

 

It used to take 10 years of service in Pret to receive £1000. If Pret is giving all their staff £1000 it means they are desperate to recruit.

The CEO pockets £30 million, giving £1000 to each employee as Brexit is at the door and many, especially Eastern European workers return to their home countries or move on to other opportunities. Several of my ex-colleagues already told me of their plans to return home. Usually Pret gives cheap cakes to their shops when another financial milestone was reached, tasteless and over-sugared cakes that end up half-eaten, stale in the shop fridges. But this generosity means Brexit is advancing fast, new recruits are needed and my blog is a sore in their sight. Also, to announce the £1000 ahead of the deal being finalized, as usually rewards are given after a deal or a milestone has been reached, not before is nothing short of interesting.

 

When I was a Team Leader I raised standards in every shop I worked, encouraging my teams, not bullying them, helping shops to more success but never receiving any rewards. When the bullying started, or rather increased during grief adding to my trauma, I became ill. There were no appraisals where I could learn where I was strong or where I can improve, never a reward, no feedback, absolutely nothing. Only targeting, bullying and manipulation was standard. One later GM’s tactic was to hold me low while I was going through the worst time, being vulnerable. This kind of “leadership” is common in Pret. This GM, who didn’t want “the area to feel sorry for him anymore” because I was thrust in his shop in the middle of trauma, grievance hearings and under shock.

Wasting 10 years of my life on a company who are only profit and target oriented with extreme good PR in place and a smiling, approachable CEO who is fully aware of what’s going on in his company as he visits the shop floor regularly, Pret-ending everything is jolly good while fooling the public and staff.  When my brother died I was bullied and targeted on top of my traumatic bereavement by several superiors under the watchful eye of HR. Grievance hearing after grievance hearing that I raised in my traumatic state were conducted in tricky ways, not impartial.

For three years I approached HR and managers with suggestions and ideas on how to improve support for bereaved staff. I had a target on my back from the moment I approached HR informally to bring suggestions in May 2015. I was so naive. Unbeknown to me at the time, it was the beginning of the end for me. It is no wonder that hardly anyone approaches HR in this systemic and toxic work environment in society today.

Pret has become like the majority of multinational corporations mistreating their workforce. Being bullied during bereavement and all the mistreatment from superiors towards workers, Pret is moving more and more towards the jungle and swamp of  Amazon that is notorious for their brutal bullying tactics. The only difference is that Pret is excellent in PR and still relatively small in this corporate world of greed, lulling the public and staff in with sweet-talk.

In-between they throw in a £1000 carrot for each employee making them look like a lovely company to work for. Let’s look deeper!

I became ill and wrote countless emails which I explain in detail here. One of my last line managers just laughed about it with the leadership team, the CEO labeled me his “late night girl” to the Director of HR, the Head of HR tried 4 times to pay me out (peanuts) if I resign and the peak came when the gaslight really took on full swing as described below… There is no protection against the discrimination of the bereaved and mentally ill in Pret A Manger.

But the worst thing they’ve done was to “introduce” me to a development manager who supposedly had a similar loss with her brother, but our introduction was not to support me (or her), it was for her to give me a disciplinary for all my emailing (electronic communication) and then entering into secret solely electronic communication (text and email), confusing and frustrating me further that my ill emailing behaviour intensified again. This was gaslighting in a nutshell.

I was then unfairly dismissed just 5 months short of my 10 year’s service where I also would have received £1000, the development manager of course is safe in her job as she served them well. Pret went all the way in “doing the right thing naturally” again by firing me three days after Christmas 2017 while my father was in intensive care just out of a coma! Again, “doing the right thing naturally”.

When you read that all staff now receive £1000, whereas before it would take 10 years to receive £1K it shows how desperate Pret is to gain and retain staff. I was never after money and have declined 4 offers of settlement, not only because of the peanuts they offered, not even a million pounds would have done it, but I don’t prostitute my values or sign my rights away for money.

@Pret, too many people suffer, become depressed, even suicidal that someone needs to stand up and tell their story!

I was ONE, you were and are many, you have all the resources, sophistication (bottom page), manpower, money and whatever you can come up with. You still refuse to acknowledge how out of proportion this was and is. No amount of money could have fixed this.

To be entrenched in this system that you probably don’t even realize how wrong so much of how you, as a GROUP of influential professionals have acted towards ONE single person, and indeed everyone on the “front-lines” of the business, who are the ones making you all this wealth. Sure, you seem desperate to recruit now being suddenly so generous to all staff. Don’t turn too socialistic now, though, it doesn’t come across genuine!

Do you know the hope I felt when I met a person of similar loss, as my grief became so complicated, and still is? And then to just find out after a while that this was yet another trick!? Again?!! I think I have written enough for anyone to understand, if they truly take inventory of their conscience, that this absolutely crossed the line! You stepped one too many times on my dignity. And that one nailed it!

My anger I have to overcome again and hope to not get bitter and stuck. And that I still, or rather am again angry after the whirlwind of my father’s illness and death, being fired right in the middle of it. I am someone who usually goes out of my way to brag on people, encourage them and let everyone know how amazing they are. The story might have gone like: “I was bereaved traumatically and Pret really helped me”. But this I will never be able to write, and some of the support you gave AFTER I involved the CEO, that was for show and the Tribunal just to cover your backs. This missed opportunity from Pret is forever lost on your end. You did not deserve my work, my skills, my talents and my passion. You did not deserve it at all. And I certainly did not “deserve” you. I survived to speak about it openly and I will never be silent, no matter what you come up with out of your trick-box from a corrupt and discriminating HR department.

It would be good to heed this reviewers advice to management from June 2018: Fire the HR staff because a £1000 quick fix won’t do it, the reviews from Pret staff on Employment Review websites and other online platforms will continue on these lines and crack the PR(et) machine until Pret truly lives up to its slogans and words. The annual staff questionnaire Pret holds won’t help as they are tweaked at times by shop management. The truth will always come to light sooner or later.

 

“The world has enough for everyone’s need, but not enough for everyone’s greed.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

 

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

 

How To Exhaust The HR Department

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

And How To Do Impartial Grievance Hearings:

 

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Grievance Hearing 1.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager hold the grievance hearing raised against a colleague from his immediate neighbouring area, as this will compromise a truly impartial investigation and decision.
  • Don’t have the hearing manager patronize and hold the person raising the grievance for an idiot, by asking if 40 or 50 out-of-date items were left by an MOD over night, while the grievance raiser left only 1 item out and was about to get penalized for it by the manager who targeted her. You may look more absurd in the long run for a poor try like this.
  • Don’t remove the HR advisor from the hearing process, who raised the grievance in the first place on behalf of the bereaved and bullied employee, giving hope to that traumatized staff member. Doing so would cause the crushing of hope again, starting a series of events that could have been avoided early on if everything was conducted fairly, impartially and respectfully.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

Appeal’s Hearing 1.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager hold the appeal’s hearing who is not only a known colleague, but a close friend of the first grievance hearing manager. As it would be difficult going against the decision of a friend, this will compromise a truly impartial investigation and decision.
  • Don’t speak to the colleague the grievance is raised against before you hear all the allegations raised first, as you won’t be impartial and would have already pre-judged the case more or less.
  • Don’t instruct the person who raised the grievance to go to the person the grievance is against, to inform them what was spoken about in the appeal’s hearing to prepare the one who grieved the employee that the grievance is about to be partially substantiated against them. Be a manager of integrity and courage, and do that job yourself, not sending the grievance raiser like a sheep to the wolf, if you don’t have the stamina to do that yourself!

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

————————————————————————————

 

Grievance Hearing 2.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager doing the hearing who was already involved in the case by having been copied in on emails sent to managers and HR previously.
  • Don’t have a manager hold the hearing, who has no problem whatsoever that a bereaved and traumatized team leader is repeatedly rebuked by her line manager in front of the team, the team leader then having a nervous breakdown two days before the first anniversary of the death of her brother, and being further bullied by having to do customer service while in the middle of that breakdown in tears. If you as the hearing manager have no problems with this, you should not only not be the hearing manager, you should resign and rethink your ethical values and emotional intelligence.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

Appeal’s Hearing 2.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager doing the hearing who has also already been informed prior to the hearing of being asked to sit down informally to calm down the bereaved and traumatized employee who kept losing her mind. Even if you are one of the more empathetic hearing managers compared to the others, you would still not be impartial.
  • Don’t be double-faced by saying that it is okay to email but then behind the scenes sending on the emails to HR who later penalized the person for having sent the emails.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

————————————————————————————

 

Grievance Hearing 3.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager doing the hearing who already finds answers and reasons of misbehaviour before having fully heard and investigated the case.
  • Don’t let the hearing manager just substantiate bits and pieces to silence the grievance raiser, while the people business partner the grievance is against, is waiting outside in plain view pretending to be on the phone, winking at the HR advisor accompanying the grievance raiser out of the hearing.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

Grievance Appeal 3.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who is brand new to the company having to prove herself in her trial period, after another hearing manager who was indeed not impartial as having been informed throughout, was removed from the process upon request by the grievance raiser.
  • Don’t have that hearing manager who is a head of a department have a laugh during a very serious hearing process.
  • Don’t have a note taker who compares the traumatized bereaved with another traumatized bereaved employee, judging both as being “bitter” because they keep raising grievances due to mistreatment during bereavement. Not taking their issues serious may hurt their lives irrevocably.
  • Don’t have that note taker say, that in hindsight he made a mistake by agreeing that the company can indeed improve on the supporting of the bereaved employee.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

————————————————————————————

 

Disciplinary Hearing 1.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who has personal conflict due to very similar bereavement.
  • Don’t have that hearing manager enter into secret and solely electronic communication after giving a disciplinary for electronic communication.
  • Don’t have that hearing manager take personal advantage of the vulnerable and traumatised grievance raiser, by abusing their position in using tools of Hypnotherapy and NLP for their own studies, and personal as well as occupational advantages.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

Appeal’s Hearing 0.0

No Appeal raised due to naivety and plain stupidity of having believed to be truly supported by the company now.

Dont’s:

  • Traumatized Bereaved Grievance Raiser, don’t trust an HR department and company who repeatedly hold flawed hearings.

Do’s:

  • Do regret not having raised an appeal and gone to court early on due to repeated lack of impartiality and “fundamentally flawed” hearings.
  • Do learn from this that if this happens again to raise a grievance against the hearing manager abusing their position for personal gain.

————————————————————————————

 

Grievance Hearing 5.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager and HR advisor hold the hearing where you have to start the formal procedure as they kept starring at you, not knowing how to start.
  • Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who is at first empathetic, even sharing personal information in an informal moment, confirming that the grievance raiser has “been wronged” and then later be completely the opposite, as HR is really behind the decisions.
  • Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who does not investigate and interviews witnesses named.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

No Appeal raised as it was useless and ridiculous to keep going on in this flawed system. But one gets the point!

————————————————————————————

 

Dismissal Hearing 1.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager hold the hearing to patronize the grievance raiser by being the OPs manager of the manager the grievance raiser loved to work with. Another clever “retaliation” by HR choosing “impartial” hearing managers.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

Dismissal Appeal 1.0

Dont’s:

  • Don’t have a manager hold the hearing who just sits there purposefully not saying anything to avoid to truly investigate impartially by asking questions.
  • Don’t have a note taker who is so slow in taking notes, not attentive enough to follow what is being said, unless there is no other note taker anymore, due to the grievance raiser having exhausted the largest department of the company.

Do’s:

  • Do have a truly impartial Manager and HR Note Taker to do the hearing.
  • Do indeed hold a truly impartial grievance hearing.

———————————————————————————— .

 

How To’s and Tips for a Formal Hearing:

Dont’s:

  • Don’t discriminate by just using mainly women to hold the hearings (17 women/3 men).

Do’s

  • Be truly equal opportunity by giving male managers a chance to hold a hearing for / against a female employee. Unless, of course, the challenge is too grave for them.
  • Do rethink your HR department and if the methods of hearings are so steeped in dishonesty and trickery, that it is hard to break that habit and open new windows to bring in fresh air and clean a toxic environment.
  • Do remember that you are dealing with people, with human beings who go through personal and professional issues that can make them ill and even take their lives. Do remember the name and mission of your department: Human Resources.

Sincerely,

Your HR Department Exhaust-er

 

File2016

The “Ex-Files”!

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

 

How To Card – Bereavement at Work

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

How to support the bereaved employee at work, especially Pret A Manger:

1. ACAS Guide

2. Don’t bully the bereaved as they may commit suicide, or lose their mental health, or campaign and publish for the rest of their life about you. Not to mention court if they have the strength.

3. Don’t use one employee against another when both have a similar bereavement in their lives, as this is very disrespectful, distasteful and adds to the grief. And it really shows what a company is made of and their tactics used.

Late Night Girl shift

Late Night Girl2

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

How To Card – Impartial Hearings

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

How to do an Impartial Hearing at HR.

1. Don’t use an OPs or area manager, especially if the grievance is against an OPs manager from the neighbouring area of the hearing manager. That wouldn’t be impartial, wouldn’t it?

2. Let 2 HR advisors do the hearing, not a manager from the operations side, as they will be in the dilemma later on when working again with the manager the grievance was against. That dilemma would force the hearing manager to not be impartial, wouldn’t it?

3. Always investigate properly and interview all witnesses named.

4. Hear the issues brought by the one who raises the grievance first before you speak to the person the grievance is against, otherwise you compromise impartiality, wouldn’t you? If you speak to the person the grievance is against first you disqualified yourself as being impartial.

5. Don’t prejudge by offering YOUR interpretation without having investigated after having heard the complaint. If you offer your interpretation of a misconduct, you show very clear that you are not impartial and are not taking the complaints raised serious. You judge the outcome already without having fully heard the complaint and without having full investigated and asked the other side and possible witnesses.

6. Decline doing a hearing when you have personal conflict. For example, let’s say you have a brother who died a while ago under unknown circumstances, and let’s really be imaginative and say your brother was dead in his flat for days before he was discovered. Yes, crazy story, I know, but let’s just go with a crazy story like this. And let’s say HR approaches you and tells you that there is an angry employee who does not stay quiet after being bullied, because… Well, let’s say that employee also happens to have a brother who was dead in his flat for days before he was found. I know, it’s one of those Hollywood stories, watched too many movies messing with the imagination.

But let’s just stick with a crazy story like this. So, your brother is dead, almost same time and circumstances then the employee’s brother. And the plan is that the angry employee who was bullied during that terrible time of grief, where unfortunately HR was involved (but keep that to yourself), and that’s where you and your brother come in. You do the disciplinary against the angry employee because she wouldn’t stop emailing. We are not concerned about her being ill or how we can really help her, we want to move towards dismissing her. The disciplinary would be the first step and we think that only you can reach her, as you have a similar loss.

And of course you can get into contact with that employee, but unofficially as you are not allowed to be in contact and we of course don’t know anything. If something goes wrong, we will dismiss the employee fast, you just lose your face for a while, but you will protected. And to add to our crazy imagination we would even dismiss the employee, let’s say if her father would be in intensive care, just out of a coma.

And let’s add something more, imagine you also happen to be a Hypnotherapist and let’s say even NLP practitioner, you could use these manipulation tools and maybe even get some information for your therapy studies and our own Training Material.

So, since we have no tools, no resources, no courage and plainly we don’t care, but we want to stick to our slogan that we do “the right thing naturally”, we thought that you were kind of sent from heaven to be the perfect hearing manager. …

So, this would be just an example of course, but it would be an opportunity for you to decline being the hearing manager as you would have personal conflict, stuck between a rock and a hard place, pleasing HR or with integrity helping the angry employee in the open. Would be tough, wouldn’t it?

7. If you are not impartial and HR goes along with dishonest hearings, and someone in the future raises a grievance against you, you will always have to compromise and play games to have the hearing in your favour. That means, you will always have to “kiss the butt” of HR. If you don’t, you know that any grievance raised against you will be at the mercy of HR. So, you are in a bigger dilemma, if you follow the truth and make difficult decisions based on facts and not on lies, you won’t cater to HR and they will “pay back” when the time comes. But you will have a clean conscience in the long term, and people will trust you when they need to.

It’s a simple principle many people don’t pay attention to, that when someone who is vulnerable, in need of help, and someone misuses their position (strength, power, wealth…) to not help the vulnerable, when the vulnerable get strength back they will tell their story. And when the person who abused their position is in need of help, they may find themself alone without help as people always remember who helped them in time of need.

 

Doing the Late Night Girl thing naturally.

Late Night Girl2

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

 

P’s 5 B’s

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

You cannot:

  • Blackmail me
  • Bribe me
  • Buy me
  • Bully me
  • Bullsh*t me anymore

 

… nor burn me out any longer!

 

… and neither ban, shadow ban via Twitter!!

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

Discrimination: Physical vs. Mental

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

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Or click here: https://expret.org/2018/05/27/discrimination-physical-vs-mental

 

“I don’t want the area to feel sorry for me anymore.”

A sentence a line manager at Pret A Manger said to me in December 2015, when I was transferred to his shop after I was openly bullied in another shop,  while I was in my darkest time having lost my brother. Grievances were raised and I was in the middle of stressful grievance and appeals hearings. He meant he didn’t want his management colleagues of the area to feel sorry for him because I was “thrust” into his shop from the other shop, and after reaching out to HR for almost a year I finally contacted the CEO. I was traumatized and constantly assumed that management was out to find the smallest mistakes I made, as I just came from a shop where I was targeted and penalized for absolutely nothing.

 

Brain Plaster anxiety-1535743__340

 

Pret, as any business, has shops placed within areas of around 10 – 15 shops each area, with his area having had 10 shops and regular managers meetings, and as my story went around like wildfire, they had a laugh about my “poor” boss because I was there.

My grief and mental state deteriorated, and even though I always understood their helplessness, they just had a laugh. I still did my job well, on autopilot, functioning extremely well under the circumstances, although I was in a lot of physical and mental pain. I developed a roaring tinnitus, my head literally felt like breaking apart, but I tortured myself after my brother’s death and entered into what they call “Sibling Survivor Guilt”. But this does not give anyone the right or a free ticket to bully and take advantage of someone in an extreme vulnerable state! 

I can understand that everyone who didn’t know me was confused, because here I was with this mix of completely out of sync, starting to write countless of emails out of trauma, at times under the influence trying to cope. And on the other side I was this very strong person who had very clear standards and work ethics who, during work was highly professional! I cared for my team passionately as well as for the job and changed the atmosphere where the team were not shouted at anymore, but rather encouraged, and it showed in the numbers and success of the shop. I was off the rails, and that I even have to explain myself, even now, is just another upset that I was an easy target to be gaslighted throughout my ordeal.

I will never stop saying that discrimination is only possible because leadership has no concern, nor a strong zero tolerance policy in place to protect people who are in bereavement, mentally ill or traumatized, be it physically or mentally.

 

chaos-485501__340

 

My story is spread throughout this website in different articles, blog entries and open letters to Pret A Manger, which eventually will form into one chronological book or story online. At the moment the reader has to sieve through this blog unfortunately. If you are stumbling through my website, I sincerely thank you for your time. I am not taking anyone’s time lightly!

 

I was transferred to a shop with the above manager, I call him “Mr. Eagle” here, as the building of that shop has this name. Mr. Eagle was not happy at all that I was dropped onto his lap as another team leader, adding to his payroll expenses. The look on his face, his body language when I entered his store the day before I was to start there, to introduce myself, “a picture speaks a thousand words”. His face was like saying, “Who on earth are you? What are you doing here? Why are they sending you to my shop?!”

This was the beginning of an almost two year discriminating working relationship. And again you as the reader may ask, ‘Why did you stay so long there?’ as a friend once said to me “You need to get the hell out of there!” But I was traumatized, lost in a cloud of grief, paralyzed in my heart, my savings wiped out after the expenses surrounding my brother’s death. I blamed myself for everything. I felt like a burden to everyone. I couldn’t sell myself in a new job, even a trial day where I worked didn’t help, whereas before I always found a job!

I felt abandoned, with my back to the wall. I lost 35kg, 25 of it within 6+ months as I couldn’t eat. I had no confidence with new opportunities. And I was not able to know who to trust, as all the grievance hearings were a joke, the way they were conducted. I raised grievance after grievance after grievance, trying to deal with discrimination internally, so much so that the Head of HR later said that I “exhausted the HR department”. Well, I wouldn’t have done so in my trauma if there would have been a clear zero tolerance of bullying in Pret, especially towards the bereaved.

 

Depression pexels-photo-362948

 

I was like in a Twilight Zone, felt like a person going through a country full of aliens where I tried to figure out who is the human and who is the “zombie” about to devour me! To the reader, this may seem like complete stupidity to you, but for me the emotional roller-coaster was unbearable and very real. Only a traumatized person will understand what I am sharing here. And no, don’t make it too easy on yourself by looking down on my situation and dismissing my turmoil as just another “basket case” whose fault it is to let others treat them like this. Nope, not that easy, and bear with me as I keep ranting this injustice away.

As I am writing this, I have about 9 months of hindsight and distance to Pret where my mind is clearing up and seeing things more rational on what actually happened to me.

 

Grey Scale Photograph of Wheel Chair Near Water Sea

 

 

On the subject of Discrimination:

If I would have had a physical disability, I may just be a little slower than others, but other than that I am fine. If Mr. Eagle or any line manager, would have told me that because of my physical condition that he doesn’t “want the area to feel sorry for him anymore”, we all know what a clear discrimination this would have been and how quickly he would have gotten into trouble. My disability was a mental disability after the combination of grief and trauma + bullying = mental illness.

I even mentioned this to the Head of HR shortly after the line manager told me his “sorry story”, and the Head of HR with an embarrassed look on his face only replied, “Did he say that?” Yes sir, he did. And that was all. HR may have spoken with Mr. Eagle then, but no sanction. Mr. Eagle went on to discriminate in very subtle ways from then on.

Bullying has many faces, and much of it is hard to prove when it is done behind closed doors, in very subtle ways where a person is held low, or not being given information they need, to do their job, or they are not invited in meetings and even Christmas dinners. This kind of bullying is actually very common. It is epidemic to be frank, because it goes under the radar, hard to prove without clear evidence and witnesses. Most people don’t even know or understand that they are being bullied, they just feel off, they feel like something “yuk” is being attached to them, but they cannot put the finger on it until often much later when it is too late to raise the issue.

 

Examples of bullying

 

My experience in being bullied was more clear, but still hard to prove as Mr. Eagle always said these things in the office without any witnesses, very clever and calculated. And he had a ride with me when I was irrational, hysterical and emotional. He loved it. I left his shop raising a grievance against him, but the investigation was not done properly and witnesses that I named were not interviewed. I gave up then, didn’t even appeal anymore because the HR department would again not have an impartial hearing as so many times before.

My father was found in his flat on the floor, was submitted to hospital, induced into a coma and I had another round of my ill emailing, which was re-started again after the development manager giving me a disciplinary for my ill emailing (which I understand only since recently was “gaslighting”), played her game as well. She entered into solely electronic communication with me because she was used to discipline me as she (supposedly) lost her brother very similarly to mine. Yep, sounds really messed up, like a cheap Hollywood script gone bonkers! Written prove upon request! So, she sanctioned me for electronic communication and yet she entered into electronic communication gaslighting me. This confusion kick-started another level of ill emailing again, and I got dismissed, three days after Christmas while my dad was in intensive care, just out of his coma. I share this in these pages in more detail.

I can only say that if you are mistreating a person who is vulnerable in bereavement, illness or any kind of disability that makes them vulnerable, the time will come when this will get back to you. If I would have been treated with respect, empathy (not pity!) and  had the time and space to grow and heal, I would be writing a completely different blog and would go out of my way to brag about Pret, instead of writing a painful story at times in tears.

 

nature-3294696__340

 

If Mr. Eagle would have said to a pregnant woman who was slowing down due to her getting along in the pregnancy, “I don’t want the area to feel sorry for me anymore.” …

or if a person of their own sexual orientation working for Mr. Eagle and him saying to that person, “I don’t want the area to feel sorry for me anymore.” …..

or a person of another skin tone, culture or religious belief, “I don’t want the area to feel sorry for me anymore.” ………

or a person who had an accident, losing a finger which may slow him down a bit, or he would be able to do certain work needing to be placed in another area of the business… “I don’t want the area to feel sorry for me anymore.” …………..

it would be a clear case of discrimination and people would heed quickly, as everyone knows that there are laws to protect people against this kind of discrimination. I wrote this somewhere else already, but the only way to describe my ordeal is, that I was like a sheep up for slaughter on the shop floor. And I was fair game for “leaders” like this!

 

I may have no mental capacity to go to court, even though the preliminary hearing judge allowed me to raise a second tribunal claim after I closed the first claim due to stress, my father dying, still coming to terms of what happened to my brother…

I still have a voice, a pen and a paper, and social media accounts to say to Clive Schlee, CEO of Pret A Manger, that calling me his “late night girl” was not just disrespectful, stepping on my dignity again, but Pret better live up to the slogans that fool the public! I gave Pret the benefit of the doubt one too many times, those benefits went unaccounted for now.

Sincerely,

Your

 

Late Night Girl2

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdF2YCy_l-Q

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

©2019 expret.org

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.

©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

@You and everybody

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

If you are being told that I am just ill, a person who is off the rails because of my trauma losing my brother, than read my story here carefully.

I was traumatized when I heard the news of my brother’s death via an email, not knowing for five weeks that he was gone, including having been cremated without our knowledge and consent.

What made me ill is having worked in Pret A Manger and being bullied on top of it under the guiding of HR. I was tricked and trapped in my vulnerability.

Sounds unbelievable, yes, to me too. If I wouldn’t have all of this in writing, especially after I made a full access request according to the Data Protection Act 1998, I wouldn’t believe it myself in hindsight.

I was traumatized and vulnerable, and in many cases plain stupid to have stayed in this for so long, trying to “help” a multi-million pound company to improve working conditions while they don’t care.

Many people have been used to “control” me, to make me silent. The last thing they did, which topped it all, was to use a development manager from head office, who supposedly lost her brother the same way I did, to give me a disciplinary.

She then entered into personal contact with me, while I stupidly thought she was put on my case to support me. Six months later she finally admitted that she wasn’t “technically” allowed to be in contact with me. Then she lied to HR, who in turn later still protected her anyway, as she was used to get me under control.

No need to say how tasteless and disrespectful it is to be using someone’s tragedy against someone else’s. If they would have asked her if she wants to get in contact with me due to our similar loss, that would have been true support and care. But they used her to sanction me. This is especially disappointing because she let them use her.

And people are happy to remain in this kind of system, as it is within their comfort zone, while other people become sick, suicidal, someone even committed suicide last year.

And the top leadership put on a nice front, mingle with customers on Twitter and everyone buys into this system. How it is behind the facade, only those know who burned out or were paid and bought out by this system. Too exhausted to speak up. Too afraid and conditioned by fear management. I declined 4 settlement offers as I don’t “prostitute” myself to a system like this.

So, if you really think I am just a sick person, who has nothing better to do than create a website and social media accounts with a huge amount of text because I am just sick? Yes, I am sick alright, but I was bullied during bereavement and than fired while ill and while my father was in intensive care, just out of a coma.

When you are in bereavement, you are an inconvenience to a company like Pret. And whatever they have in place now to help the bereaved or mentally ill, it is because of my 3 year struggle to improve work conditions. And Mental Health seems to be a “trendy” thing these days.

Gluten Free is so yesterday, Mental Health is just it today.

And Pret likes to keep a nice front and will advertise this in time if they aren’t advertising now already.

To Pret,

I was with you for the most darkest time of my life, to which you have added pain and grief. And when you finally came up with this “Ace” in your sleeve by using LW, the development manager because she lost her brother the same way, but you just used her to give me the disciplinary but she wasn’t allowed to speak with me? First of all, shame on you. And secondly, you put the final drop into the barrel with this.

Yes, I was angry, I still am, but anyone reading my story would be surprised that I am still writing and campaigning, and not completely be gone!

Pret, you absolutely went too far with LW! And @LW, I really feel for you. I still respect you, but it is the basic human respect everyone deserves.

I wasted 10 years of my life, and yet it wasn’t a waste, because I have found a cause to live and work for.

Regards,

“Late Night Girl”

 

 

I worked at Pret A Manger and survived systemic workplace bullying during bereavement that involved HR, the top leadership, HQ and even the now “retired” former CEO Clive Schlee. I declined 4 settlement offers if I am silent about my ordeal. But I rather speak out to help others. For an overview of important blog entries of my experience with Pret, please visit “My Ordeal with Pret A Manger”. The little arrow to the right next to each heading will lead directly to the post.
An incomplete list on what other Pret staff say about Pret’s bullying environment: Caught in the Act Bullying at Pret.
I tell my story for the first time verbally in below audio player interview on a podcast by The Adam Paradox, and wrote two articles in the Scottish Left Review.
Thank you for reading/listening.


Interview:

 

©2018 expret.org


Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission is prohibited.
©2017 – Present: expret.org, poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved. Disclaimer.

When Machines bring you Death

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)10 Comments

 

(continuation from “How I became a Late Night Girl“)

 

The poison in my hand, that looked like a phone, wouldn’t help me get out of a war-zone, a bombardment that started raging inside me. The messenger was a machine, the email was a gun, the letters were the bullets.

Another machine that looked like a laptop connected me with a voice that sounded like the police. More surreal messages made their way through the airwaves, cables and electronics.

Questions …
Cause of death?
Organ failure.  

 
Which organ?
Doesn’t say.

 

And the autopsy?
No autopsy.

No autopsy?!!

 

When did he die?
Approximately 6 days before he was found.

 



Why were we as his family not found?

Why am I learning this 5 weeks after he died?

Why is there no clear cause of death?

Why no autopsy??! ……

 

All questions fired out on autopilot while still not having registered the message.

 

My brother dead!

 

The machine informed me that from a police perspective, as soon as they can rule out fowl play and suicide, they are not concerned about the cause of death anymore and hand it back to the coroner.

Case closed.

The policeman further informed me that they had to push his estimated 6 day old corpse away from his door to enter the apartment and they were able to capture two of the three cats that survived while my brother lay dead. The third cat slipped out the door and as a neighbour told me it lives outside now and won’t let anyone capture it…

Thank you for all the details. Very efficient.

 

 

Could I get a copy of the police and doctor’s reports, please?

You need a lawyer to apply for it, only a lawyer can have a copy. It’s the law in Germany.

 

A conversation with a customer in my former work who was a police detective, having worked on many death cases, confirmed that if nothing suspicious is found the case is closed fast, too much paper work. Of course if the deceased was one of their relatives, friends or colleagues, they would go to town trying to find the cause and family.

 

My brother was just MY brother.

 

Where is he now?

He has been cremated.

 
??!!!??!!

 

I realized later that his cremation was already mentioned in the email that I just read minutes before, but the LOAD of this short and brutal email was so surreal and heavy, I didn’t take it in at the time. I just starred at my phone half in mid-air and half on the floor, stuck in Twilight Zone. The turmoil that was soon to start, added by my superiors at work and the anger I would be capable of, would unleash in writings like a never ending mass shooting, but with words and letters in emails… The traumatic angst and rage that was approaching fast, losing me almost everything and everyone I held dear… I could have never imagined then.

 

I learned later that they destroyed all his belongings that had no financial value, since we couldn’t pay his debt from his business and had to reject the inheritance and with it all belongings that were of sentimental value to us. By law we had 6 weeks from learning of his death to decide what to do. We only received a shoe box size of papers, ID cards, driver’s license, photos, letters … and later his ashes…

in the post.

 

I went inside another machine the next day to bring death to my mum who brought us life.

And then I carried my big brother into the earth.

And I buried my heart with him.

 

My life has been a big mess since.

Everyone keeps telling me since day one to be strong.

 

But I am not a machine anymore.

 

©2018 poetrasblok.com

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – Present poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org, LateNightGirl.Page.tl unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved.

 

 

How I became Late Night Girl

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)30 Comments

 

On 12. January 2015 I woke up and checked my email while still in bed blurry-eyed. Bed, the most vulnerable and safe place to be in. I had late shift that week and thought I quickly check my mail before turning around to sleep some more and later go to work.

I found myself making the fastest jump out of bed I’ve ever made, but that jump felt like slow motion, as if I got stuck in mid air and my room was moving by me in an eerie pace. The light painted wall became fogged up like someone just poured a dust-like grey powder over it. When I landed on my feet, I felt like a deformed cartoon character out of a Tom & Jerry fighting scene, who got whacked over the head and entered into another world. But it was more like a shotgun hole in my gut, something ripped life out of my system and left a huge crater behind.

My bedroom wasn’t my bedroom anymore, my apartment wasn’t my apartment anymore, my mind wasn’t my mind anymore. It was just like it feels when you return from a two or three week trip to a different country and culture, returning home and your place has a different feel to it, a stale atmosphere because you’ve gotten used to a different place, food, impressions, language.

Of course your apartment or house is still the same, it’s just you who has to readjust to the familiar and safe place you know so well and fill it with life again. But for me it was like I’ve come “home” to hell. It was the beginning of a very long and dark time in that world, which I am still standing in with one foot, while the other foot is trying to venture out to find green pastures.

In a 6 or 7 sentence email the sender went down a quick and short route to inform me that my brother has been found dead in his flat on the 15. December 2014. Next of kin could not be found in time (in a country as efficient as Germany!). Cause of death not clear, no autopsy, he lay dead for an estimated 6 days plus/minus before he was found, and then they just cremated him before finding us!

[After I flew over the next day to personally – not over the phone! – bring my mum the death of her son she gave life to, we arranged for his urn to be brought over from the city where he lived in. To our utter disbelief they sent his urn via post to the city’s council where my mum lives, so we can bury whatever was left of my brother close to my mum. Another German procedure I didn’t know was even done like this, sending an urn via post?!]

Furthermore I was advised to reject the inheritance as his estate was highly in debt, which also meant I learned later that I could not retrieve any of his belongings and was informed later that any belongings with no financial value has been destroyed…

The email ended with some other instructions. Kind regards.

My phone became like a curse in my hand that I could not understand that this was a phone I was holding, just starring at it, reading an electronic mail giving me a message of death.

I died that day.

 

 

 

07 TP crop

 

Continued > When Machines Bring You Death

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – Present poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved.

 

‘Everyone looked at me like I was a ghost’

I Survived Pret A Manger (unsafe company)Leave a comment

 

»The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us for an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.«

— Henri Nouwen

 

The “absence” of some of my friends had me in deeper despair crying out too much, too loud, too chaotic, rampantly voicing my pain all over the place, burdening those I never wanted to burden. Silence is brutal only when there is no-one visibly there as well. I felt like being emotionally deaf and blind and just hopelessly crying out uncontrollably.

 

In my pain and despair I reached out to a friend who was overwhelmed and withdrew early on. I said that I understand that they don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do either, so can we not do the unknown together?

 

A friend sent this  following article to me a few months ago, but I just finished reading it tonight.

 

I draw strength from strangers.

 

click: Sheryl Sandberg ‘Everyone looked at me like I was a ghost’

One quote from this Guardian article:

»In the early months after Goldberg’s death, Sandberg says she made the three classic mistakes – “the three ps – personalisation, pervasiveness and permanence”. She blamed herself for his death: “Especially because the early reports, which were false, said he died by falling off an exercise machine. So I absolutely thought that if I had looked for him sooner, he would be alive. A friend would say to me, ‘You didn’t leave a three-year-old alone in a gym.’ But I felt hugely guilty.” When the autopsy revealed undiagnosed coronary artery disease, “I spent months thinking I should have known that. I felt hugely guilty; you blame yourself endlessly. Then one day Adam [Grant] said, ‘If you do not recover, your kids cannot recover. That is it. You must.’ So that really snapped me out of it. I was like, OK, this isn’t my fault. I stopped taking it personally.«

 

Kids are a great motivator to keep going.

 

Another quote in the article:

»Another mistake she’d made before Goldberg died was to ask people in trouble, “Is there anything I can do?” She says, “I really meant it. But it kind of shifts the burden to the person who needs the help to tell you.” The classic inquiry, “How are you?” also turned out to be unhelpful. “Well, my husband just died on the floor of a gym. Like, how am I?” The more meaningful question, she learned, is “How are you today?

But the biggest – and remarkably common – mistake is to ask nothing at all. “I want to talk about Dave. Bringing up Dave to me is always a positive. It doesn’t make me sad. I know he’s gone.” I ask if anyone has said they didn’t like to mention him as they didn’t want to “remind” her of her loss, and she laughs. “Yes. It’s not possible to remind me.” She recommends something she calls the platinum rule of friendship, “not to treat people as you want to be treated, but treat people as they want to be treated. That’s a pretty big mind shift, and some people do that quite naturally and some people don’t.”«

 

Yep.

 

Quote:

»To anyone who saw The Social Network, the film about Facebook’s origins which portrayed Zuckerberg as a socially awkward computer geek, this may come as a surprise, but the emotionally astute stand-out star of Option B is Sandberg’s boss. “Mark is why I’m walking. Most of what [he and his wife Priscilla] did is not even in the book, because they did so much. When I felt so overwhelmed and so isolated and just needed to cry, I would drag him into his conference room and he would just sit there with me and be like, ‘We’re going to get through this and we want to get through it with you.’ He did it over and over.”«

 

Well, Facebook may be there for its employees in tragedy, especially the high-ranking ones. I live in a different world.

The following part of the article I struggle with:

Quote:

»Sandberg is a natural leader and problem solver – not merely Facebook’s COO but its living embodiment – who has dealt with her grief almost as if it were a failing business to be turned around; she studied the data, applied herself to its findings, and found the potential for growth.«

 

Beautiful writing, but appalling thought. I’m sure it wasn’t meant the way I read it.

 

Quote:

»Survivor guilt is a thief of joy. When people lose a loved one, they are not just racked with grief, but also with remorse. “I could have saved her.” “Why am I the one who is still alive?” Even after acute grief is gone, the guilt remains. “I didn’t spend enough time with him.”«

 

I like: “We take things back”

Quote:

»With Rob’s and Amy’s words ringing in my ears, I decided to try having fun for my children – and with my children. Dave had loved playing Catan with our kids. One afternoon, I asked them if they wanted to play. They did. In the past, I was always orange. My daughter was blue. My son was red. Dave was grey. When just the three of us sat down to play, my daughter pulled out the grey pieces. My son got upset and tried to take them away from her, insisting, “That was Daddy’s colour. You can’t be grey!” I held his hand and said, “She can be grey. We take things back.”«

 

Unless otherwise stated or linked to, this website and all writings within this site are the property of poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Reproduction and distribution of my writings without written permission are prohibited.

©2017 – Present poetrasblok.com, LateNightGirl.org unless otherwise stated. All Rights reserved.